Losing Control
by T'Yel
Summary: Spock lost his control just once for a short moment after his aborted kon-ut-kalifee. But five years later this loss of control comes back to haunt and taunt him, turning his plans for his life upside down, and finally granting him new insights into his dual nature. (Warnings: Slow building story; rated M for safety; Spock/OC)
1. Chapter 1 Prologue

Title: Losing Control

Author: T'Yel

Series: TOS

Codes: S/OC

Rating: PG13

Disclaimer: I don't own Star Trek, and I don't profit from it.

Synopsis: Spock lost his control just once for a short moment after his aborted _kon-ut-kalifee_. But five years later this loss of control comes back to haunt and taunt him, turning his plans for his life upside down, and finally granting him new insights into his dual nature.

**2267 - Vulcan**

The library smelled of old books and ancient parchment roles. It was late and the nightly coldness common for deserts – regardless where they were found in the universe – started creeping into the old building. Only two visitors were left, working quietly at the same wooden table. The man, presumably a Vulcan scholar, was wearing long sweeping robes. The woman - of terran descend - sat curled up on her chair, her hair carelessly knotted and tied with a single clasp. Fate had placed them at the same table.

The woman shivered slightly. Absentmindedly she picked up a broad scarf, sitting next to her on the table, and draped it around her shoulders. The Vulcan scholar looked up, prompted by the noise of the fabrics rustling. Their eyes met for the fracture of a second, before she looked down again, fastening the scarf.

Silence settled again. Her pen scraped over paper, taking down notes. The page he turned crackled silently. The light entering through the window slowly turned from an almost nothingness to a deep red, intermingling with the warm yellow light of the old library lamps, creating a soft and warm atmosphere, contrasting the chill of the night air.

A ray of red light caught on an old book cover and painted a reflection on the dark wood of the table. The scrapping of her pen stopped as her gaze shifted to the light pattern on the table. The hint of a smile touched her lips, tracing the shapes and lines on the polished wood. The scholars' eyes followed her gaze for a moment and then turned to her face. Her skin was almost white, unusual for a human living on Vulcan. Her eyes were of a dark green color and her dark brown hair set of her pale skin.

She felt his eyes resting on her. Suddenly self-conscious her breathing stopped for a second, before she too lifted her eyes looking at him. His face betrayed no emotion, but his eyes all of a sudden seemed to become bottomless pits, drawing her in.

Motion seemed to cease. Her lips parted slightly. Time stopped. He had the feeling of drowning in her gaze. Remotely he remembered he was not supposed to acknowledge these feelings, but the thought never took hold in his consciousness.

She had the feeling of sleepwalking, when she got up from her chair. He also got up, followed her down the long table. She felt dizzy. Still the table was separating them. And then there where only two paces of empty air left between them.

She was small. She did not even reach up to his shoulder. When he stepped closer, her skin sizzled, sensing his body heat. Carefully he touched her cheek with the back of his hand. Then their hands touched. The air went heavy. She did not move, when he plucked out the clamp in her hair, letting it fall down her back.

She would never have believed it possible, that she would make passionately love to a Vulcan scholar, whom she had never met before, with whom she had not talked a single word. He would never have believed he would ever let go of all his education and control, and succumb to passion with a total stranger.

On the next morning, alone, both were not sure, if they remembered a dream, or if it really had happened. She couldn't remember his face; he only remembered her long, soft hair. But both remembered the soft touch of each others hands on their skin. And none had heard the others voice or knew the others name.


	2. Chapter 2

**2270 - Star liner _Sirius_, en rout from Andor to Terra**

Althea Parker sat in a small booth on the first class observation deck of the star liner, which was bringing her back to earth. In her hands, she held the small wooden box Jael's advocate had given her upon her departure from Andor.

She sighted. She missed the old Andorian woman, whom she had accompanied for the last three years, traveling from planet to planet, visiting so many places, exploring so many worlds and cultures.

After three years of travels Jael had died, suddenly and painlessly. Althea had arranged for her body to be transported back to Andor, she had fought Jael's family over her wishes for her burial, she had returned all of Jael's belongings and then she had booked a passage back to earth. She had no idea, where she would be going from there.

At the space port, only minutes before she had passed through customs, Jael's advocate had given her the wooden box now sitting in her lap.

"As you know, most of Jeal's possessions were not hers to dispose of as she pleased. This is one of the few things, she truly owned, without any restrictions. It is her legacy to you. You are to open it in space."

Althea had cried then and there, when she took the box.

**2267 - Tellar Space Port**

**Jael**

Althea felt numb on the inside. Her dreams, everything she had worked for, lay shattered at her feet. She had been so proud of winning the scholarship for a research fellowship on Vulcan. The hours and hours of work, she had spent on her Master thesis in Vulcan Language and History, had paid of, had finally given her the desired chance. She would not only write here PhD thesis, she would do it at the Vulcan Science Academy. She had been so thrilled.

But she had only staid on Vulcan for three month, when her headaches finally became unbearable.

_Sometimes it happens. Not everyone is able to adjust to the Vulcan climate. The higher gravity..._ She still could hear the voices of the doctors at the Science Academy droning on and on. But the only thing, that had mattered to her then was, that they could not help her. They advised her to leave Vulcan. _Fear of irreparable damages._ They were not sure, how long her nervous system could endure the strain before being permanently damaged. How could this have happened to her?

Her funds had been low, so she booked the cheapest passage back to earth she could find. It would take her a week, with a 36 hour stop over on the Tellarite home world to get to earth. Enough time to take an inventory of her live and to figure out what to do next.

For the hundredth time she considered becoming a teacher of the Vulcan language or setting up a translation business. But she couldn't quite bring herself to resign herself to it, when all she wanted to do was research. But what could a researcher in Vulcanistic expect, who was not able to visit Vulcan? She sighted, and just wanted to bang her head against something solid.

A commotion at the customs desk caught her attention. A somewhat frail looking old Andorian woman was obviously having problems with the Tellarite customs authorities.

"You have to open your sorry excuse of a bag, old hag!" The Tellarite officer barked at the Andorian.

"I beg your pardon!" The woman replied indignantly.

"Your dirty bag, we have to inspect its meager contents."

"My bag is neither dirty nor are its contents meager."

The Tellarite officer huffed. "You are as ugly as you are insolent."

For a moment the old woman looked at the officer in open disgust, speechless.

Several onlookers had gathered, but obviously only to see what was about to transpire. No one made any move to intervene. To Althea it was obvious, that the Andorian woman had no idea about Tellarite customs. She quietly got up from her seat, stepping through the onlookers.

"You stupid fur bag. I really have to think, you are to dumb for this work. Can't you recognize a stranger, who is not accustomed to your ways? Or are you simply to imbecile to think straight for at least one second?"

"What the hell does it concern you, hairless groundworm?" The Tellarite barked at her.

"I see no reason in answering you, as incompetent as you are!" she snapped back.

"Please..." the old woman tried to interrupted, but the Tellarite only growled at her.

"Growling at a stranger, is that all you can?" Althea laughed at him. "Go on, and just tell me, what you want."

"We have to take a look at that ugly bag."

"And you are not able to do that." She lifted her eyebrows in mockery. "I fear I have to stoop so low as to assist you."

Then she turned to the Andorian woman. "Excuse my interference, but I got the impression, you have no experience in dealing with Tellarites. If I may assist you, I would be happy to do so."

The women stared her down for a second, scrutinizing her, then nodded. "Why is he insulting me?"

"May I explain later? He only wants to scan your bag. It will just take a minute."

The women nodded, and gave her bag to the Tellarite officer. He performed a quick scan, then handed the bag back.

The Andorian women inclined her head slightly, the Tellarite growled.

"You are finished?" Althea snapped.

"Yes. But don't expect any further leniency to your insolent behavior." With this, the officer, obviously satisfied, turned to the next customer in line.

The Andorian woman walked a few steps, then turned to Althea. "I thank you for your help." She then sat down on an empty chair, offering Althea the chair opposite her own. "I am Jael."

"Althea Parker." she offered her name.

"Could you explain to me, why this officer was so rude and insolent?" Jael then asked.

"It is their way of being polite. They have mastered the art of polite understatement in a way that resulted in the use of insults to flatter. And since your age warrants special respect, he was especially rude to you."

The woman paused. "I see." Then she looked at Althea. "Thank you for your explanations. Obviously I was not as prepared for my first trip of Andor as I thought."

Althea smiled. "The Tellarites are not exactly the easiest people to start with."

Jael seemed to ponder this information. "In your option, what would be an easy place to begin with?"

"Perhaps Earth. I am not saying this, because I am from earth, but because it is the seat of the Federation Council, and people there are used to off-worlders and their cultural differences. Denobula may also be a good choice. Denobulans are in general a very welcoming people. Although there are exceptions to every rule."

"So I am quite lucky to be heading for earth. But I have not decided where to go after that. So I might consider Denobula next."

"You plan to travel the galaxy?" Althea asked.

"I do." Jael confirmed. "I have spent my whole life on Andor, fulfilling my family's expectations. I now plan to see the universe."

"That's a bold plan."

"I know. And due the incident with the Tellarite, I just realized how bold. However, I will not turn back."

Althea admired the Andorian woman's strength and determination. She only wished she was as determined right now.

They started to talk. About interstellar travels and their pitfalls, places they thought worth visiting, cultures to explore. En route to earth, Jael told Althea about her life on Andor and her "flight" from her overprotective sons, in order to embark on this dream of hers. After the death of her husband she had finally decided to shed some of the rigid restrictions of her upper-class Andorian upbringings, and to finally go out into space. Her sons had protested, had tried to stop her, until she basically had to sneak of Andor on a random star liner.

"Everyone was always protecting me. I believe it is time for me to fend for myself and to do what I please and visit wherever I want."

Althea laughed, impressed by the old woman's courage.

"What did you do on Vulcan?" Jael asked. "Where you on a business trip or on holidays?"

Althea sighted. "Neither." Then she recounted her story.

When they arrived on earth, Jael had hired Althea as her travel companion. She said she needed someone to teach her, how to survive on her own. Althea accepted gladly. She had come to like Jael, and Jeal's proposition so elegantly solved her problem of not knowing what to do with herself. She had nothing to return to on earth. She might as well go on wandering among the stars.

**2267 - Enterprise, en route from Omicron Ceti III to Starbase 27**

**Leila**

Spock sat on the floor if his cabin aboard the Enterprise, his eyes closed and his fingers steepled, his chin resting on his thumbs. A small incense pot sat in front of him, the tiny flame in its base flickering, casting quivering shadows over the dimly lit room.

He tried to focus himself, to calm his emotional response to the events that had transpired on Omicron Ceti III. But his usual tranquility eluded him.

_Leila_, he thought, seeing her face in his mind. He had been able to love her on Omicron Ceti III. The spores had striped him of his control, had left his feelings out in the open. But he did not love her now. Or did he? Could he not love her?

He considered the woman, who so openly had expressed her love for him. _I love you. I said that six years ago, and I can't seem to stop repeating myself._ And again, after he had crushed all her hopes: _Do you mind if I say I still love you?_

She was an accomplished scientist, a brilliant mind as well as aesthetically pleasing in form. They were equals in many respects. She would be a more than appropriate choice for his wife. They would be well matched. And he had cared deeply for her.

_Had._ Where lay the reason in his use of the past tens? Six years back he had cared for her, but could not act upon it. He still had been betrothed to T'Pring then, not daring to go against the tradition of his Vulcan heritage, and break the _koon'ul_.

And he had cared for her on Omicron Ceti III.

But why did he not care for her now? Or did he?

He steadied his posture, deepening his breathing. Focus. Order. Clarity. Calmness.

Something in his mind prevented him from pursuing his interest in Leila Kalomi. It was not right. She was not his to posses as he was not hers to posses. He was not allowed to impose on her company.

_I have lost you, haven't I?_ she had asked him. Yes, she had lost him, and he had lost her.

Focus. Order. Clarity. Calmness. Control.

That night Spock dreamed for the first time in his life. He dreamed of Leila kissing him again, caressing him, and making love to him under Omicron Ceti's clear blue sky. But then their surroundings changed. The sky morphed into Vulcan's dark red night sky; the grass disappeared turning into an age old wooden alcove; the earthy smell of the soil changed into the musky odor of century old books. The woman he held in his arms no longer bore Leila Kalomi's blue eyes and blond hair, but had dark brown hair spilling down her back. And albeit Spock could see her dark green eyes, he could not discern her features. She appeared beautiful to him without really having a face.

**2268 - Alonis**

**The Necklace**

Althea breathed in the salty night air, as she stood on the large balcony of Jael's hotel suite. A cool breeze started to pick up, pulling at her flowing green dress. She closed her eyes, reveling in the sea's smell and the cool sea breeze on her skin.

She loved this world. She loved the large bodies of water, which conveyed a sense of quiet and peace to her. They had spent hours walking bellow the waters in the ocean. Althea still marveled at the intricate network of water tunnels the Alonis had created in their oceans, offering off-worlders, who were not amphibian, the possibility to see their watery world.

They had visited several of the major Alonis' cities, wandering through various museums of art. The Aloni water sculptures were simply breathtaking.

Tonight they would be attending a concert of Aloni music. It was supposed to be eerie and haunting, strangely beautiful to non-aquatic beings. The musicians would play in some small bay nearby, the audience seated on the beach. Special audio filters were supposed to transmit the music as it was heard under water.

Althea turned from the view, returning to the suite. Jael appeared from her bedroom, her antennae wiggling in anticipation of the evening. Althea had found, that Jael possessed a deep curiosity and a highly inquisitive mind, delighting in every new culture they encountered.

"Althea, could you please hand me my necklace. It is in the box over there, right next to you."

"Of course." Althea had seen Jael's necklace several times now, but she was still fascinated by it. It had been fashioned several hundred years ago by an Aenar silver smith, who had incorporated a multitude of small Andorian gems in the intricately woven silver network. The necklace was beautiful, although its fashioner would never have seen it like they did. The Aenar were a blind, but highly telepathic sub-species of the Andorians. For them, the beauty of the necklace lay in the ability of the stones to react to the telepathy of the wearer, and create a necklace of telepathic energy. For psi-blind but seeing people the stones glowed and glimmered on a telepathic wearer.

Jael was not Aenar, but her great-grandmother had been an Aenar, handing down enough telepathic ability besides the necklace to Jael to make the stones react to her.

Althea opened the small jewelry case, retrieving the necklace. Until now she had never had an opportunity to hold the necklace in her hand, admiring it up close.

She gasped, when the necklace came to life in her hands. The stones slowly started to glow. It did not sparkle as it did on Jael's neck, but glowed steadily, casting a warm light on Altheas hands and face.

"Jael?"

The Andorian woman turned to Althea, halting in mid-motion. Both women stared at the glowing necklace in Altheas hands.

"It's impossible." Althea finally said. "I am psi-blind. They checked on Vulcan."

"Are you sure?"

"They were absolutely positive. But how..." Her voice trailed of.

"I don't know." Jael curiously tilted her antennae towards the necklace. "I have never heard of such a necklace reacting to a psi-blind person."

Althea carefully handed the necklace to Jael. Instantly the pattern of the light emanated by it changed, turning into Jael's glimmering. Jael handed the necklace back to Althea. Again the steady glow. They handed it back and forth several times, lying it down on the table in between, but still the necklace sparkled in Jael's hands, glowed in Althea's and became dark on the table.

"You must have some telepathy in you." Jael finally stated. "Maybe it's something the Vulcans did not recognize in their examination."

"Possibly." Althea felt confused. Something in the back of her head stirred, a strange feeling or sensation, but she could not quite get a hold on it. "We should go." she then said. "Or we will miss the beginning of the concert."

"You are right." Jael assented and finally put the necklace on her neck.

Still, Althea could not help but wonder during the whole concert, why the necklace had reacted to her. What was it that made her _telepathic_? Was she truly telepathic, or could it be something else entirely? But what? And where did it come from?

**2268 - Enterprise**

**Christine**

Spock watches Dr. McCoy studying the charts at hand, finally laying them down on the table in front of him.

"You are good to go, Spock. Thank God, there are no lasting effects of Henoch's occupation of your body."

"I do not believe this is due to any form of divine intervention, Doctor."

"No, more likely to Ms. Chapel's." Mc Coy retorted. "If she had not held your consciousness in her mind, we wouldn't have this conversation."

"I am well aware of the fact." Spock got up from his chair. "If there is nothing else, Doctor, I will return to my station."

McCoy harrumphed, then sighted when the Vulcan had left his office. Spock glimpsed Christine Chapel working on some reports in her small office space, while he left, feeling somewhat grateful she did not notice him as he passed through sickbay.

He remembered well sharing Christine Chapel's consciousness. He recalled her structured, highly efficient mind, reflecting her training as a biochemist. Essentially he found her talents wasted as a nurse in sickbay. She held a PhD in biochemistry, and had started a very promising career in research, when she had decided to follow her fiancé Roger Korby into space. He could not understand her reasoning behind her decision to remain aboard the Enterprise after they had found Korby dead. The brief glimpses of it, he had gotten during their sharing of consciousness, he found highly emotional and confusing in that capacity. They stood in a sharp contrast to the rest of her mind and personality.

But besides her curious decision to rather stay aboard the Enterprise as Head Nurse than return to her career as a biochemist, there was another aspect that bothered Spock about her.

Christine Chapel had once pronounced her love for him during the Psi 2000 crisis. She had later professed, this revelation was only due to the virus, and albeit she regarded him highly as a colleague and scientist, she did not love him. However, while inhabiting her mind, he had found her still loving him.

He had pondered this fact repeatedly. He valued her highly, and he found her aesthetically pleasing. During _pon far_ he had even briefly considered relieving the burning with her. But he could not debase her in such a way, knowing he could not offer her marriage. He would still have had to bond with T'Pring.

After his _koon-ut-kalifee_ he had found himself contemplating Christine Chapel several times. But it turned out, he did not respond to her as he had before his severed bond. He still found her warm and compassionate nature compelling, he admired the acute sharpness of her mind, but he no longer desired the woman.

He had found relieve in the knowledge, that she did not love him as she had declared while under the influence of the Psi 2000 Virus. As of the events that had placed him in her mind, he no longer could take solace in that knowledge. She felt for him, felt deeply, but he was beyond his capability of returning any of her feelings. His contemplating her in his meditations inadvertently resulted in the by now familiar dream of the faceless woman, reliving that one night on Vulcan, where he had left acceptable behavior behind. His one weakness in control, his yielding to emotion and passion once continued to haunt him.

**2269 - Berengaria**

**Headaches**

They had been on Berengaria for two weeks now, taking in the strange and wild beauty if the planet. Jael and Althea had seen fields of the famous fire flowers illuminating the night, had visited the Fire Falls, and now watched the Berengarian dragons roaming the sky. They looked much like the mythological creatures of earth, just as large and dangerous. However, they did not breathe fire as their mythic counterparts, even though their world was a fiery one. Would it not be for the protective force fields around the few inhabited cities of Berengaria, the dragons surely would have swept down on them, and would have hunted their inhabitants as prey.

Althea was fascinated by the raw power the dragons displayed. And she found, she enjoyed the heat of the planet. It reminded her of Vulcan, and she was glad to have kept some of her Vulcan clothes. The Vulcan robes were perfect for the hot weather on this planet.

Jael pointed out the leathery membrane wings of the dragons to Althea. Both women wondered at the intricate web of veins running through them, painting delicate patterns on the wings. Later that day they planned to attend a lecture about Berengaria's flora and fauna one of the biologists stationed on Berengaria was giving for tourists. They hoped to learn more about these captivating creatures there.

As Jael and Althea had already learned, the main populace of Berengaria consisted of scientists, studying the various aspects of the unusual wild- and plant life here. Then there were numerous tourists, visiting this fascinating world, and those employed in the tourist industry.

Althea felt a heaviness in her head intensifying. It had been there for two days now, but it had not turned into a full-fledged headache. Yet. And she hoped it would not. Sometimes the heaviness would simply pass. Sometimes it would not.

She tried to breathe against the increasing numbness, tried to relax and distance herself from it, as she had learned to do on Vulcan. But it did not help. It never did. She had only achieved a certain proficiency in masking the pain outwardly, controlling her reactions to it. She never had succeeded in diminishing it.

Later that day, on their way to the Berengarian Institute of Biology, Althea felt numbness turning into heavy pain. She tried to concentrate on the lecture, and hoped to use it to divert herself from the pain. But the pain only turned worse, finally reaching an intensity they had not reached till Vulcan.

When Jael and Althea left the institute, they passed a group of Starfleet officers in the hall. Althea suddenly felt nauseous. It was all she could do to concentrate on walking, and not vomiting right then and there. She did not notice one of the officers, a Vulcan, following her with his eyes as she passed. And she did not hear the teasing of another blue shirted human about him finally reacting to a woman.

That night Althea did not accompany Jael to the Biology Institute's public dinner party. In the morning Althea's headache was gone, when Jael told her she had missed the opportunity to meet some of the crew of Starfleet's most famous starship, the _Enterprise_. However, the _Enterprise_ had already left that night after restocking the Berengaria Colony's supplies yesterday. But she might remember passing the Captain and his second in command as well as the ships doctor in the hall of the Berengarian Institute of Biology yesterday.

But Althea did not remember them. She only remembered her headache.

**2269 - Enterprise, orbiting Ardana**

**Droxine**

Spock paced his cabin, unwilling to go to sleep. _Illogical_, he thought. _I cannot avoid sleep in order not to dream._

But he was tiered of this dream of his. He was tiered of it's recurrence as soon as he found himself compelled by another woman.

_Illogical again. I have to analyze the problem, identify its causes, and eliminate them if possible._

He lightened the candle in his meditation stone, and sat down cross-legged in front of it. He slowed his breathing, focusing on his mind and the imbalance therein.

The problem? - The dream.

Why did he dream? - He dreamed when he found himself interested in a woman. He had dreamed after meeting and briefly loving Leila. He had dreamed every time he had found himself contemplating Christine Chapel. And he was sure he would dream tonight, because he had been fascinated by Droxine, the daughter of the High Advisor of the planet council of Ardana.

Why did his interest in any woman induce the dream? - This, he did not know.

The nature of the dream? - He relived the events that had passed 3.54 years ago during the night in the library at the Vulcan Science Academy. He relived that night of untempered passion with a woman he did not know, and he did not remember.

Why did he not remember her? - Again, this he did not know. He could only hypothesize on it. If he had indeed experienced remnants of the _pon far_ after his aborted _kon-ut-kalifee_, he might have been in a state of mind, in which he had been unable to remember her in detail.

Why then was everything else in his dream extremely detailed? - It related to his animal nature. Remembering the woman as a person related to his intellectual side.

Still, why did his interest in any other woman induce the dream? - Still no hypothesis.

He reached deeper into his mind. Why did his interest in any woman induce his dream? - Still no answer.

Who was the woman of the library? - He did not know.

What did he know about her? - He had seen her reading an ancient book in Vulcan. She spoke at least one of the old Vulcan dialects, since she had read a book so old, it must have been written in one of the old dialects.

She had made notes. She must have been studying, either as a student or a researcher.

She had long, dark brown hair and green eyes, her skin being very pale. A most unusual combination in a Vulcan.

No, she was not Vulcan. Here eyebrows were arched and the tips of her ears had been round. A human. She had been human!

Summarize. - She was a human woman, dark haired and green eyed, studying at the Vulcan Science Academy very old texts in Vulcan. She most likely was a historian, a sociologist or a linguist. It was possible, she was none of that, but the odds of that were small.

How was he going to identify her? - He would start at the Vulcan Science Academy's public records. He might find here there. If she still was attending the Academy, she would be listed as a researcher or student. He could also pose some discrete inquiries. If he did not find her through the Academy, he could branch out to other scientific institutions on Vulcan and on earth.

What would he do if he found her? - The only logical thing to do was to visit her. It was uncertain, if it would accomplish anything, but he could not think of any alternative, any other way to learn more about this dream of his.

Spock opened his eyes, and extinguished the flame of the meditation stone. Then he got up from his position on the floor, and sat in front of his computer terminal. He would start his search now. There was no logic in postponing the necessary.


	3. Chapter 3

**2270 - Star liner _Sirius_, en rout from Andor to Terra, orbiting Vulcan**

The flight plan of the _Sirius_ had taken them to Vulcan first, before continuing to earth. Now Althea sat there, staring at Vulcan, remembering her shattered dreams of three years ago, remembering the friend she had gained despite it all. She turned Jael's wooden box over in her hands. She still hadn't opened it yet.

Slowly the star liner started to pull out of orbit, and Vulcan started to shrink.

Funny, how her headaches had gotten stronger, when they had approached Vulcan. And funny, how the headaches had not automatically manifested themselves on all the other hot high-gravity worlds Jael and she had visited during the last three years. From time to time she had succumbed to heavy headaches, but never as excruciating as the ones she had experienced on Vulcan. Again the doctors were unable to find any reason for her pain. There was no connection to anything. Diffuse migraines, they finally concluded. Possibly acquired on Vulcan.

Like the last time, when she had left Vulcan, she felt her headache easing, as the star liner slowly left the Eridani star system. They passed another vessel. A Starfleet vessel, Constitution class. But she could not read its name on the hull plating. Her vision was still somewhat blurred from the pain.

As they went to warp, her headache reduced to a tiny dull throbbing at the base of her neck. She sighted from relieve, then turned her gaze to the streaks of stars flying by the window. She loved this view of the stars. It always gave her a sense of peace and freedom.

Then she turned to the box in her lap. For a moment she caressed the smooth wood, before she carefully opened the box.

She could not help gasping, when she opened it.

"Dear God." she whispered. For minutes she stared at the intricately woven silver necklace with its milky white stones set in it. A note lay half hidden beneath it.

Carefully, Althea extracted the note.

_My dear Althea,_

_I know, my children will be furious, but since I do not have a daughter on which to bestow this, and since it reacts to your presence, I give it to you. I know you will revere it as it should be revered. Wear it and wear it proudly._

_Jael_

Althea could not help but cry again. This necklace was priceless. These necklaces were passed down from mother to daughter, almost never leaving a family. But Jael had given hers away, not only outside the family but also outside of her people. She would always remember Jael. How could she ever forget her?

**2270 - ShiKhar, Vulcan**

**Kolinahr**

If Spock had been human, he would have sighted by now. He had just run into another dead end.

For the last ten days, he had scanned through the Vulcan Science Academy's public file archive, searching for a human faculty member, student or visitor in 2267, who fitted the description of the woman in his dream. But every woman, he had researched, was either too old, too young, turned out to be male or simply looked different.

Spock had even returned to the library where he had met her. He had sat there, attempting to remember more details. When night had fallen, he had induced a meditative state, hoping to access so far hidden memories aided by the atmosphere and environment.

The only thing, he had accomplished was, that he had dreamed more vividly than ever before that night. But no new information had surfaced. Meditation and research had led him nowhere. It almost was, as if the woman had never existed. He could not find a single trace of her.

_Maybe my memories are inaccurate._ he thought. _It is quite possible that my perception was distorted at that time._ In consequence this meant the woman he was looking for could be virtually anyone. He could well be chasing an enigma.

Spock thought about consulting a healer, who could give him access to his memories. But then he would have to explain the reasons behind his request. He would have to admit to his loss of control. His behavior had been uncontrolled and emotional. He should have realized, what was happening, and he should have sought out the priestesses trained to handle cases like his. But instead he had unleashed his passion not only upon a stranger, but also a human woman, who could not understand his desperate need for sexual satisfaction. He could well have injured her. Or even worse, he could have violated her mind.

_I lost control._ he thought. _And I am in the process of loosing it again. There is no logic in this search. It is futile. What is done is done. I have to accept it. Nothing can be accomplished by finding this woman._

Something stirred in his mind. An emotion. Remorse. And Regret. He felt regret for probably never meeting the woman again. And he felt guilty about what he might have done to her.

_This is dangerous. My lack of control is concerning. Quite possibly my dream is only a manifestation of insufficient emotional control. My emotions are too strong and I lack control._

Spock focused on his inner self. He was in search of peace and calm. But he found only turmoil. His emotions were powerful within him. For now, he managed to contain them. But he was not sure, how long he could maintain his control, and he saw cracks appearing in the carefully erected walls surrounding his emotions.

_If a can barely control my emotions now, what will happen during my next _pon far_? I have to control my emotions. I have to shed them. It is best I purge them from my being. It is only logical, to ensure the safety of those around me. I will attain _kolinahr_._

He quietly got up from the table in the Vulcan Science Academy's library, his scholarly robes rustling slightly. He had made his decision. He would leave for Gol immediately. There was no logic in delaying the inevitable.

**2270 - San Francisco, Earth**

**Vulcan Moccacino**

Althea held her smile firmly plastered in place, watching the woman in front of her.

"Excuse me, miss, but this Vulcan Moccacino is rather strong. And I wanted dark chocolate sauce on it."

"The Vulcan Moccacino is made with two shots espresso, as advertised. If you prefer something less strong, I would recommend a Rigelian Coffee Sling."

"But that doesn't have chocolate in it. Or on it." The woman pouted.

Was she trying to look cute? Or helpless? Althea wondered. What was she hoping to accomplish by it? "For an extra half credit you can add chocolate to it. Or you could take the Vulcan Moccacino with half the coffee." Althea kept smiling.

"Could I exchange my Moccacino now?" the woman asked, replacing the pout with an innocent smile.

"Since you have already drunken from your coffee, you would have to order a new one." Althea showed no visible reaction to the woman's show of feminine innocence.

"But the chocolate sauce was also missing." The woman was pouting again, but with a hint of dissatisfaction creeping into her voice.

"I can add the chocolate sauce to the moccacino now. Plus, I could give you a cookie for free." Althea felt this was not going to be easy. But maybe she was lucky to get her with the cookie.

"But I don't like the Moccacino." the woman's voice exhibited a startling mixture of defiance and sweetness.

Althea felt the muscles in her face go stiff from her forced smile. "It is not our responsibility, if you don't like what you order. I cannot extract half of the coffee from your Vulcan Moccacino after the deed is done."

"But the chocolate sauce..."

"As I told you, I can add the chocolate sauce now. But you won't get a new coffee due to dislike of the first one." What a spoilt little brat this one was.

The woman pouted, fixing her large eyes on Althea.

"You want the chocolate sauce?" Althea asked, her face perfectly blank.

Later that day Althea got yet another negative from a job she had applied for. _We wish you all the best for your future_. - _Well, thank you _very_ much. _Two polite phrases without any meaning. Nothing more. She finally ended up in the employee lounge of the beauty spa her neighbor and by now friend Emma worked at.

"Em, this really, really sucks."

Emma looked at her friend, remembering her own futile attempts at finding work after her graduation in art history. She finally had given up, becoming a beauty technician instead. "I know. You really need something to take your mind of all this."

Althea didn't answer, only sighted. How could she not think of this disaster? She had been looking for a job for months now, scratching a living from her employment at The Galactic Coffee Company and taking the odd job here and there.

Emma smiled mischievously. "You're in for an adventure?"

"What?" Althea looked confused, still somewhere far away with her thoughts.

"Come on, I'll give you a makeover. For free."

"Are you crazy? What if they notice? You will be in serious trouble."

"They won't notice. Come on, Ally, I have a free spot I'm bored. Besides everyone is doing it now and then."

Emma didn't wait for a reply and simply dragged Althea out of the room and down the hall. "Relax. Just look the part." Emma whispered.

_Great_, Althea thought, _how am I supposed to do that? I'm wearing a Galactic Coffee Company shirt, for Christ's sake._

But Emma obviously was right. Nobody seemed to notice, as she stirred Althea to the hairdresser's section, seating her in an empty chair and covering her shirt with one of the spa's rose capes.

"Ahm, what are you going to do?" Althea asked, still wondering if this was a good idea. But by now, she had to admit, she also was somewhat thrilled.

"I always thought you would make a really pretty redhead. So I'm turning you into one. Should go wonderfully with your eyes. And it will make you look less pale than that dark hair of yours."

Althea couldn't help giggling. "You know, I guess, today I wouldn't mind, if you'd choose electric green for my hair color. It possibly can't get any worse."

"Oh no, not green. A dark but glowing shade of copper red plus large, wavy curls. That would be perfect." Emma started to work. "And this crazy woman really wanted a new coffee because she didn't like her first one."

"Oh yes. I told her, since she got what she ordered, had already tried it, and I couldn't possibly remove half of the coffee already in her Vulcan Moccacino, she had to order a new coffee." Althea sighted. "I really don't know what it is with these people. I mean, who in his right mind would call a coffee-chocolate mix Vulcan Moccacino? And who would buy such a ludicrous thing. Don't they know chocolate is an intoxicant for Vulcans? No Vulcan would _ever_ touch anything with chocolate in it."

"Vulcans get drunk on chocolate?" Emma asked. "I don't think I ever want to see a drunken Vulcan."

"Me neither." Both women chuckled at the thought. "You know, Em, I told them, how stupid that name is. I explained it to them. But they told me, the coffee was dark and mysterious like a Vulcan. When I told them that only 68.7% of the Vulcan population where dark haired, they nearly fired me. Said, they only kept me, because I could serve Andorians and Tellarites in their own language."

Emma snorted. "You are way too smart for this job. And you are obviously way too smart for your boss."

"Tell me about it. But everybody else seems to think, I'm not qualified for any other job. No one seems to have any use for a Vulcanologist, who graduated top of her class, who is fluent in Golic Vulcan, Andorian and Tellarite, who has visited half the damn galaxy, and who knows how to interact with a dozen different species. I can't even get a job as a high school teacher. Instead, I'm serving coffee, working for a bunch of idiots, who are naming a chocolate drink after Vulcans because of the color." Althea rolled her eyes. She knew she was ranting, but she was too frustrated to care.

Emma patted her shoulder. "It could be worse."

"Yay, they could name the hot chocolate _Vulcans Delight_." Althea deadpanned.

Both women giggled for nearly a minute. And both didn't notice the older woman sitting two chairs down, having a hard time stifling her own laughter.

Half an hour later that woman walked up to Althea and Emma. "Excuse me, I couldn't help overhearing, but... You are a Vulcanologist and you have experience in dealing with different species?"

Both Althea and Emma looked stunned. Then Althea nodded. "Yes, I am a Vulcanologist. I graduated from New York University. After my graduation, I spent three month on Vulcan, then worked as a personal assistant of an Andorian, who was traveling to 23 Federation worlds within the last three years."

The woman nodded. "Well, if you are interested in an employment at the Vulcan Embassy, contact me and send me your complete application." She then handed Althea a little paper card. "My contact information is on the card."

Althea took the card, even more stunned. "Thank you. But what kind of job would I be applying for?" she asked.

The woman smiled. "Assistant to the ambassador's wife."

Althea had a hard time of actually keeping her chin from dropping to the floor. Of course she knew who the Vulcan ambassador was and who the ambassador's wife was. "I certainly will send you my application right away."

The woman nodded, then she was gone. Emma and Althea stared at each other for a second. Then Emma nudged Althea gently. "What does it say, on the card?"

Althea handed the cart without looking at it to Emma. "Oh my goodness. _That_ was Dr. Amanda Grayson. And she not only is Ambassador Sarek's wife but also a really famous linguist."

**2270 - _Enterprise_, orbiting Terra**

**V'Ger**

Spock sat in his quarters aboard Enterprise, reading a com message from his mother.

_I have to confess, I am glad you left Gol without attaining _Kolinahr_. Even though I understand the value of _Kolinahr_ in Vulcan society, I always felt (yes, _felt_!) it to be not the right way for you. Instead of perfecting your Vulcan side, it more seemed like renouncing and obliterating your human heritage to me._

_Don't get me wrong. I accept your decision to follow the Vulcan way. But nevertheless, your human half is also part of you, and denying and destroying this part of you, would be denying and destroying half of your personality. This combination of both Vulcan and human characteristics is what makes you unique. It is no deficiency but a great asset if you use it right._

Spock thought about his mother's words. He knew she had not approved of his pursuing the _Kolinahr_. But he had not known until now, he had offended her by it. He had not intended his attaining the _Kolinahr_ as a rejection of his human heritage. But now, in retrospect, he understood his mother's view of things.

In fact, he had come to the conclusion, he had not truly pursued the purging of emotion, but peace of mind and a refuge from his emotions. The bareness and total void he had encountered when melding with V'Ger had further cemented his resolution, not to purge emotion from his life. V'Ger had been pure logic, but had also been a sterile bareness, void of any meaning and creativity in life. He had no desire to become as devoid as V'Ger had been from the beginning of its conscious existence.

Nevertheless, his time at Gol had not been utterly useless. He had come to peace with parts of himself he had not been able to accept before. He had found a degree of peace of mind, which allowed him to control his emotions more effectively by simply accepting them for what they were: a part of him. And he had come to terms with his behavior after his _pon far_. Guilt no longer plagued him.

Still, his dream remained. But he no longer felt threatened by it. He had come to view it as a reflection of his human half's need for emotional warmth.

Even the priestesses a Gol had decided the _Kolinahr_ was not the way to take for him. If it had been, V'Ger would not have been able to disrupt his meditations and ultimate shedding of all emotions.

_I sense the consciousness calling to you from space. _the priestess had said_. Your human blood is touched by it, Spock. You have not yet attained _Kolinahr_. _Then she had turned, addressing the rest of the assembled._ He must search elsewhere for his answer. He shall not find it here._

Later, she had specified_. Your mind is still touched. You are touched by a mind that is in need of your assistance. You have not severed this tie. You are still affected emotionally by it. It is imperative to resolve this conflict before you resume your pursuit of the _Kolinahr_, if you ever should decide to do so._

But after his contact with V'Ger, after the cold and sterile mind of the machine, he no longer intended to return to Gol. He already had reinstituted his commission, returning to Star Fleet permanently.

He redirected his attention back to his mother's letter, reading her closing remarks.

_To conclude, some day to day trivia. I have found a new aid to replace T'Vai. As you know she left for Vulcan three months ago to be bonded with her betrothed. My new aid is human this time, and I actually came upon her by accident. Her curriculum vitae is somewhat unusual, but during the last few weeks, especially during the recent crisis, she has proven herself to be quite capable. So, if you call me and find an Althea Parker answering the com link instead, don't be surprised._

_Take care, Spock, and give my greetings to your friends Jim and Leonard._

_Love, mother_

**2270 - San Francisco, Earth**

**New Job**

Althea looked through the pile of messages and letters (yes, some people still wrote old fashioned ink and paper letters) for Amanda, sorting them in order of importance and urgency. Then she went into Amanda's office, putting the hard copy mail on her table. Before she left the office again, she paused at a picture of Amanda's son. He gazed steadily at the camera, his face unmoved. A typical Vulcan stance, the hair cut in the classical Vulcan fashion, and only a little bit of the recently changed blue uniform of a Starfleet science officer visible.

There was nothing particular about this picture, sitting next to a similar one of Sarek, and an older one of Amanda's family. Still, something about the picture always made her pause. She couldn't say what it was. She never had met Spock. Nor even spoken to him. But something about him always caught her attention.

She lifted her eyes from Commander Spock's face. Maybe it was just a reaction to Amanda's tales about her son and the stories about the recent events concerning the old Voyager probe returning to earth in search of its creators and the Enterprise's involvement in it. She still wondered what really had happened. From all she had heard she knew enough to be sure the official story was only a small part of the whole story. Still she wasn't important enough to be told anything directly. She had to piece it together from fragments she overheard by chance.

Althea returned to her desk, starting her day's work. She checked Amanda's schedule for the day, making sure everything was in order and well prepared. Then she turned to a research assignment on early terran space exploration. Amanda had asked her to compile an overview on it, focusing on the Voyager probes.

She especially liked the research part of her work. And she loved the easy access she now had to terran, Vulcan and Federation material. From her desk, she was able to access various databases, compiling an overview from both a terran and Vulcan viewpoint. The assessment on terran culture of Vulcan scouting parties to 20th and 21st century earth were a most fascinating reading material. Some interpretations of earth customs were outright funny to her. But they also made her wonder about terran interpretations of Vulcan culture upon first contact and how wrong or colored by own standards and values they had been. And she wondered about current misconceptions of each others cultures.

When Amanda arrived after spending the morning at Berkley discussing her linguistics research with a colleague, Althea sent her compilation about early terran space flight to Amanda's computer. She was still fascinated how mankind almost 300 years ago had been able to construct space probes which were able to venture thus far into space, leaving the solar system and transmitting valuable scientific information, despite their simple and crude construction. Still, when they were built, they represented the height of technology, masterpieces of science and engineering, conceived by some of the greater minds of the 20th century.

Althea suddenly felt a little numbness spreading from the back of her head to her forehead, solidifying and slowly turning into a headache.

_Oh no, please no. Not again._ She hadn't had one of her headaches for almost nine month. Why now? Why had they always to return?

"Althea?" Amanda stood in the door between their offices.

"Yes?" She tried not to think about her impending headache.

"Could you please rearrange my meeting with Sopek this afternoon? I just got a call from my son. He will be visiting Starfleet Headquarters this afternoon and asked me to dine with him tonight. He will be coming here at 5 pm and I don't think half an hour is enough for the meeting with Sopek."

"Of course. Is there anything else to arrange? Or is Commander Spock making the arrangements?" Althea asked.

"He said he will see to a restaurant and transportation." Amanda replied.

Althea nodded. When Amanda had returned to her office, she thought about Commander Spock, coming here to get his mother. Most likely, she would meet him then. Maybe meeting him in person would give her some clue, why his picture always made her pause.

But then her headache intensified, arriving a point, where she no longer was able to concentrate. And she no longer cared about meeting Amanda's intriguing son or doing anything else than going home, laying down in bed in a completely darkened room with no sounds, lights or smells assaulting her senses and making her already queasy stomach turn. So Althea left at half past four on sick leave. Not for a minute did Amanda question Altheas claim on nausea and dizziness.

The next day for the first time Althea considered taking strong pain killers. But she did not visit with one of the embassies healers, as she would have been entitled to do as an embassy employee, but looked for an outside doctor. She didn't want to jeopardize her new job by these unpredictable and medically diffuse headaches. And she didn't want it to go on records.

From that day on Althea no longer carried only a box of over the counter pain killers in her handbag, but some more powerful drugs. The first time she used one of these pills, they made her body go numb. But they reduced her headache to a tiny throb in the back of her head and at least enabled her to function in a basic way. She knew the strict dosage limitations per day and per month. And she knew the dangers of not following these limitations. But by now she felt, she had no choice if she wanted her life to return to some kind of normality.


	4. Chapter 4

_**AN: Thanks to everybody who reviewed so far! It means a lot to me. Honestly, I wasn't sure anybody would be interested in my story at all, but I had to try anyway. I don't mind getting constructive criticism either. I'd love to improve my writing skills. And if my English is off sometimes, please tell me. It's not my first language and I don't mind improving it!**_

* * *

**2272 - San Francisco, Earth**

**Reception**

Althea looked at herself in the figure length mirror. A pale face stared back at her, accentuated by the long black formal dress she was wearing. Her hair, pulled back in a chignon at the base of the neck probably didn't help the impression of translucent paleness, even illness.

In fact, she _was_ feeling ill. Just this morning her headaches had returned once again, more severe than they had been for months now. But she simply could not be ill now. She had to go through with the evening. Sarek and Amanda were hosting an important and quite large reception at the Vulcan embassy today and Amanda relied on her to take care of the myriad of smaller and larger things she could not take care of while doing her duty as hostess.

Althea pinched her cheeks and hoped to bring some color back into her face by it. Then she reconsidered. Maybe she should just go with the pale look of a fragile porcelain doll instead of trying to cover it up, which was pretty much hopeless anyway. She could try to use her current paleness to her advantage.

Not for the first time during the last years she thanked the powers of the universe that had given her a friend like Emma, who had taught her how to properly use cosmetics. She even went so far as to call her friend for some advice on how to achieve the desired effect. There was no going back now, with only an hour left before the guests arrived. She simply _had_ to pull through.

Althea took another one of her analgesic pills, hoping it might at least give her some relieve. Just enough to get through the evening. Everything was in order and well organized. She only needed to be well enough to direct a carefully planned and well rehearsed theatre. She could do that, even if she felt a little bit fuzzy from the analgesic. This was not her first embassy function and by now she had enough experience to draw on it.

Finally, she reached for the wooden box with Jael's necklace. By now people had gotten used to her, a Terran, wearing a rare Andorian necklace. Amanda and Sarek had even given her a pair of matching earrings for her last birthday. As always the numerous tiny gems in the necklace started to glow and flicker as soon as she touched it and put it around her neck.

Althea gave herself a last look, calmed her face to remove the shadows of her headache from it, straightened her back and returned downstairs to oversee the last preparations.

Amanda waited for her in the large entrance hall, in full splendor of her position as an ambassador's wife and one of the highest ranking women of one of Vulcan's more powerful houses. Althea still marveled at this transition from scholar to representative whenever it occurred and at the ease with which Amanda undertook it. Amanda looked quite regal in her intricately designed and ornamented Vulcan robes.

"Is everything all right?" Althea asked.

Amanda nodded. "Everything is fine. The food for the Rasiinians also arrived just a few minutes ago and the buffet is finally complete."

Althea sighted. "Thank goodness. I already feared the caterer would make a botch of it. Is there anything else left I need to take care of right now?"

Amanda shook her head. "Everything is under control."

Althea smiled slightly. "So far at least."

Both women started towards the dining and reception rooms for a last round of inspection. The rooms were are startling mixture of terran and Vulcan design, now fitted with a large buffet, beautifully set tables and an area kept free to walk, talk and even dance.

Amanda gave Althea a sidelong glance while walking. "Are you alright? You look pale."

Althea nodded, trying to smile reassuringly. "I am fine. It's just a little headache. Nothing serious." She waved it away with her hand.

Amanda frowned slightly. Althea seemed too pale for just a little headache. "Are you sure?"

"Quite sure. I will be fine." Her smile came naturally now, a reaction to Amanda's concern.

Both women started to check the dining room, adjoining gardens and dance floor, making sure everything was in perfect order for the numerous dignitaries from various Federation planets. No cultural or religious offences. No toxic or ill smelling plants for anyone. They had almost finished their tour, when Amanda's communicator signaled. She gave the display a glance, then smiled.

"Could you finish here alone?" Amanda asked. "Spock just arrived."

"Of course I can." Althea assured her.

Amanda nodded. "I will see you later."

Althea smiled. "Without doubt."

She watched Amanda striding across the large room, not quite hurrying but going as fast as her dignity and position would allow for. Then she continued her round on her own.

Althea knew how much Amanda was looking forward to the next few weeks. Ever since Spock had called to ask if he could stay with his parents during a repair and refit of the _Enterprise_ at _Utopia Planitia_ on Mars, Amanda had waited for the day of her son's arrival on earth.

Amanda had not been at her office when Commander Spock had first called. So Althea had taken his call.

"Ms. Parker." he had stated when her face came online.

"Commander Spock." She had replied with the slight incline of the head typical for Vulcans in greeting via comm link. "What can I do for you?"

"I wish to ask my mother, if it is convenient for my parents for me to visit for 27 days, starting on September, 14th."

Althea had refrained from saying that she was sure there would be no objections to his coming for a prolonged visit. She had only nodded. "I will relay your request, Commander. Is there anything else you wish me to pass on to your mother?"

"No, there is not. Good day, Ms. Parker."

"_Dif-tor heh smusma_, Commander Spock." She had replied in the traditional Vulcan farewell, giving a flawless representation of the _ta'al_, the hand sign accompanying it.

Spock had lifted one eyebrow, returning the _ta'al_. "_Sochya eh dif_." he replied before signing of. She had allowed herself a small smile, watching its reflection in the now dark com screen. He should be used to her speaking Golic Vulcan by now.

She had pondered his facial expression for a moment, before pushing it aside. She was simply curious about him. She had never done more than exchange a few sentences with him via comm link. Despite working as Amanda's aid for two nears now, she had never met him once. Twice she had only missed him by a few hours or even less. Still, by now she had heard countless stories about him and his friends.

Well, today she would finally meet him. And she had to admit to herself she was more than a little bit curious about him. He had always fascinated her in an unusual way.

* * *

Spock had had his duffle bag, containing everything he needed for his stay at his parent's home on Terra, directly transported to the Vulcan Embassy in San Francisco. Before leaving the _Enterprise_ at _Utopia Planitia_ he had changed from his uniform into formal Vulcan robes, since he would not be attending the reception at the Vulcan Embassy in his capacity as a Starfleet Officer but as Vulcan citizen and member of the House of Surak of the clan _S'chn T'gai_.

While waiting for his beam out to earth he found himself pondering on his last and very short com call with Ms. Parker, his mother's aid. Something about his mother's aid always struck him as peculiar.

He never had indulged in the human propensity for small talk, but he had learned to do so in a minimal way as not to give offence. However, whenever he talked to Ms. Parker he never was able to do even that. Oddly, he never felt it to be appropriate to engage in small talk with her.

And she never had expected it from him. Whenever he reached her instead of his mother, she calmly took his messages, being perfectly professional, betraying no overly emotionalism or curiosity. Her eyes always looked clearly at him, never wavering, her calm gaze only interrupted by her blinking. In that she seemed almost Vulcan, but it might also be a mask acquired for her position.

Still, something about her felt at odds. He knew this observation of his to be illogical and of no consequence, since it was solely based on a _hunch_ as Jim would call it. It was nothing he could define, measure, or analyze. It was simply a feeling that something about Ms. Parker was missing. Or something was not in its right place.

He stopped pondering Ms. Parker when it was his turn to beam out. It was illogical to dwell on an undefined feeling. However, he stored it away in his mind for further reference, should any need arise.

* * *

"Althea, are you well? You look ill." Soran, Sarek's chief of staff and ambassadorial aid walked up to her, obviously taking his own last tour of inspection.

She looked up at Soran, who was tall, even for a Vulcan, towering more than a head over her. "Is it that obvious?" she asked.

"To me, it is." He stated matter-of-factly. "If you are ill, you should rest. I can proceed alone."

Althea gave him a light smile, as she always did when Soran was in his brotherly protective mode as she called it. "I know you can. But though I am not feeling perfectly well tonight, I am well enough to continue."

He raised one eyebrow in the typical fashion of Vulcans indicating a lack of understanding for a seemingly illogical behavior.

She countered with a wider smile than before, her eyes clearly saying _You should know me better by now._

He returned her look. _I believe, I do._ it said.

* * *

Spock quietly watched the progress of the reception, slowly circling from one conversation to another. He only had had little time to great his parents before the first guests had arrived, being placed at a different table during dinner, which obviously was a scientists' table. His partners during dinner had proven to be a most intriguing company, representing different worlds and disciplines.

After dinner their group had dispersed, searching out still other colleagues or people of interest. Spock had at first spoken to some of the Starfleet representatives, then joined a group discussing interstellar gravitational drifts. Later he had exchanged a few words with an aid to the Romulan Ambassador.

Now, he was simply standing at the side, observing and quietly drinking a glass of water. The evening had turned out to be most satisfactory and intriguing. Still, something made him a little bit ill at ease. He could not quite place this impression, but he felt a dull throbbing at the back of his mind, hampering his concentration. However, whenever he tried to concentrate on it and define its source, it eluded him.

Althea felt the vicious throbbing behind her eyes increasing. Dinner had ended some time ago, leaving the dignitaries to disperse, forming small groups to discuss or simply to chat.

She had quietly circled the room, trying to anticipate any problem or need that might arise, answering the questions of various guests, addressing the requests of others. She had met Soran regularly on her rounds, discussed potential issues with him and passed information to and fro. They worked together effortlessly, having done so on various occasions by now. Both had fast come to some wordless understanding and quiet efficiency ordered the lives if their respective superiors effectively.

Not for the first time that evening she felt her gaze linger upon Commander Spock. Why did he always capture her attention when he happened to pass her view? Curiosity? Charisma? What was so different about him than about any other stranger she had heard a lot of?

A stabbing pain suddenly raced down her spine. She barely managed to suppress an audible gasp. Her headache made it impossible to think clearly. She undoubtedly needed to do something about this pain. She desperately needed some air and a few moments of quiet solitude. And she feared she needed another painkiller. The third one today. And it had to be the last one. She absolutely was not allowed to take more than three per day.

Althea quietly moved to one of the more remote doors to the embassy gardens, taking a glass of water with her. The cool evening air brought some relieve to her as did the quiet. She found her way to a small garden terrace, which usually was overlooked by most of the guests, and she felt herself relax a little bit.

She slowly drank her glass of water, closing her eyes and letting the evening breeze cool her face. By now she truly wished this evening to be over. Or at least she wished she could stay here longer, hoping to ease the pain somewhat. But she had to return. If she would stay away for too long, Soran would definitely come looking for her. Everybody else might just believe her to be somewhere else at the moment but not Soran.

She sighted. Then she took the now empty glass from the balustrade where she had left it and went back in. On her way back she placed the glass on a waiters tablet, who was circling the garden and terraces for stray glasses and plates someone might have left there. Then she slipped back in through the same door she had used for her short lived escape. She carefully lifted the sheer white curtains with one hand, carefully bending her head as not to smear her makeup on the fabric or mess up her hair.

When she lifted her head again she suddenly found herself almost walking into Commander Spock, his shoulder only two inches away from her nose. He abruptly turned his head towards her, his eyes lingering on her face, one eyebrow disappearing almost in his hair in mild surprise upon her sudden appearance.

Her eyes widened with astonishment, her lips parting ever so slightly. "I am sorry. I did not mean to disturb you." She took a startled step backwards, her eyes still fixed on his gaze.

Then her head suddenly started spinning from a new wave of pain. She stumbled and started to loose her balance.

Surprise registered in his look, as he saw her first almost walk into him, then obviously tripping over her own feet. He took a quick step forwards, reaching out to steady her, locking his hand firmly around her left arm and elbow.

She gasped, when his hand touched her skin. It felt searing hot on her bare arm, sending a fire racing up her arm, radiating through her whole body and slamming into the back of her head. Pain exploded in her head, but she did not utter a single sound.

His grip slightly tightened and his breathing rate increased almost imperceptible. He suddenly recognized her, as he felt her mind brush against his. _More mature. Red wavy hair._ But unmistakably _her_.

She suddenly remembered one night back on Vulcan five years ago, a memory so unreal and unbelievable that she had buried it deep down in her memory, at first believing it to be a dream. _Wanting_ and _wishing_ it to be a dream. Then forgetting it. And forgetting him.

Their eyes locked and time suddenly slowed. His hand still rested on her arm, their touch leaving them both breathless.

She felt her pain drain away and only the slight fuzziness of the analgesic remained. A strange sensation settled in her head, as if something was touching her mind. He gazed at her, suddenly realizing he was still touching her. Slowly he dropped his hand from her arm.

"I did not recognize you. I had no idea." she whispered.

"Neither did I." he said quietly.

They stared at each other silently for another moment.

Althea felt herself blushing. Panic suddenly rose in her chest. "I am sorry, I have to go. I..." she did not, could not continue the sentence, suddenly too embarrassed to speak. "I have to work." She finally managed and took a step back into the room full of dignitaries. "Sorry." she said softly, turning around and hurrying away, disappearing in the crowd.

Althea forced herself to slow down, fighting her urge to run and hide. She could not do that. She had to hold it together, regardless how much she wanted to die from embarrassment right now.

Him of all people! Why had she not recognized him earlier? She felt herself blushing again when she remembered what had happened in that library back on Vulcan. How could she ever have done that? And how could she simply have forgotten it? She had not remembered. Until they had touched.

She sighted inwardly. He could have been anyone. How slim where the chances of her ever meeting that man again. But not only had she met him again, he also happened to be the son of her current employer. This whole situation was beyond humiliating.

She drew in a deep breath. She had to pull herself together. There was no use in pondering on her misfortune any further. She had work to do, things to organize and supervise. She had to focus on this reception and the embassy's guests. She had to try to just shut out this strange encounter.

But she could not. It felt as if he was following her around the room, his gaze burning holes in her back. But whenever she turned or looked out of the corners of her eyes to where she thought he stood, she never found him there. Even more strangely her headache was completely gone, leaving in its place this bizarre sense of him staying always right next to her, even though he clearly was not.

_You are just overreacting_. she scolded herself, firmly pushing this feeling of his presence aside. _You can dwell on that later._

"Are you feeling better?" Soran asked her in passing. "You are less pale."

For a second she looked startled. "I do." she then said. "At least I think, I do." she added almost inaudibly.

Soran did not comment on this highly illogical statement of hers. It was not the first time he encountered the confusing inability of humans to know of their well being. They either ignored their body's signals or obviously confused emotional well being with bodily well being.

* * *

Spock looked after her, unsure about what had just happened. But he knew for certain, _something_ had happened. He clearly had felt her in his mind the instance they had touched. And suddenly he had remembered, her face appearing as clear and as vivid in front of his inner eye as if he had just seen her a few hours ago in that library back on Vulcan.

And he still felt her there, touching his mind and her confusion and embarrassment reverberating through his self.

How was it possible, he could still feel her presence? He should not be able to do so without touching her. But he basically was flooded by her emotions. _Shame. Denial. Fear. Humiliation. Turmoil. Anger. Fighting for control._

It was as if no barrier existed between them. He longed to go after her, bring her back, talk to her, and explore this sudden and strange connection between them.

He almost took a step forward to follow her. But he felt her mind opposing him. She did not want him near. She wanted to be left alone.

Anger flashed through his mind. Why was she resisting him?

But then he fought his anger down. He needed to control himself. He could not simply act on an emotion-induced whim.

Spock quietly retreated to the terrace, searching for a quiet spot to clear his mind. He needed to asses the situation, analyze this connection of his to Althea Parker and decide what to do about it.

The night had turned colder and the garden was by now almost deserted. Spock sat on a stone bench facing a Vulcan stone garden with a small fountain in its centre. His hands steepled in front of him, he closed his eyes, focusing on Althea's presence in his mind.

Instantly her emotions washed over him again overlaid by a strong layer of denial and control. It seemed as if she simply ignored her emotions. Or at least tried to do so.

Spock followed her emotions, pushing deeper down into his own mind. Layer after layer of his consciousness were left behind, as he advanced into his subconscious. The connection lay there like a fine web of tendrils woven into his mind, glowing and pulsating with life.

Spock carefully probed it, casting his thoughts out towards Althea. Yes, he could feel her, her mind at the same time responding and shutting him out.

Where did this connection come from? How could this have happened? He carefully pulled at the glowing web in his mind, tried to remove just one tendril from his mind. A stabbing pain in his head was the only answer he got from his attempt. He could not dissolve their connection. It was deeply rooted in his mind. They were bound to each other, their minds obviously firmly linked.

Realization hit him. Bound to each other, impossible to dissolve...

It must have happened five years ago during their love making. He must have touched her mind, his own mind still raw and empty from his recently dissolved bond to T'Pring. And he must have bound himself to her. He could not remember any resistance from her. On the contrary, he remembered only being welcomed by her. She had not judged. She had only been curious, losing herself in him.

But they must not have been prepared for it or willing to accept it and must have had it buried deep down in their minds, so deep down that they had not even been aware of it afterwards. They had even forgotten each others faces. It had only sprung into live again when they had touched tonight. Spock could still feel her cool skin on the palm of his hand.

Their bond had been there for five years now, irrevocably linking him to Althea Parker and preventing him from forming any attachment to another woman. This most likely was why he had always dreamed of her as soon as he became interested in someone else. Despite staying hidden, the bond had protected itself.

He looked at their bond, glowing steadily stronger, showing more and more tiny and delicate tendrils woven through the core of his mind. It fascinated him and at the same time filled him with trepidation. What was to come of it?

He needed to talk to Althea. She probably was not aware at all what was happening to her and what were the consequences of it. Her confusion and distress showed clearly in their bond.

Spock was unsure how he would explain it to her. But he knew he had no other choice. It had been done and they needed to face the consequences.

He slowly opened his eyes, letting his hands drop to his side. Then he got up from the stone bench and dusted his robes off, before he slowly returned to the reception. He needed to find Althea Parker.

* * *

"Ms Parker, it is imperative that I speak to you."

Althea almost jumped, when she heard his voice behind her, barely keeping an outward appearance of calmness. She turned to face him, looking into his intense dark eyes.

"Why do you want to talk to me?" she asked quietly. "Is it because of what happened five years ago? I assure you, there is no need to talk about it."

"There is every need." he contradicted her. "What I wish to discuss with you is a direct consequences of what happened then."

"I don't see what consequences this possibly could have." she felt her face turning a deep shade of red again. "I'd really prefer to ... to just forget about it. It's not what I usually do. In fact I've never done such a thing before or ever again. And I certainly won't hold any claims on you or tell anybody about it, if that is what you fear." She truly felt mortified by now.

He looked at her, her deep shame vibrating in his mind. "You need not be embarrassed. I do not intend to discuss morals with you. This certainly would be duplicity on my part. And I do not _fear_ you laying _claims_ on me."

She suddenly felt exasperated. "But what then?" This whole conversation made no sense to her. The _whole_ situation made no sense and was just plainly ridiculous. Just what were the odds of something like that happening? Couldn't he see she didn't want to talk or even think about it?

"Would you mind going somewhere more private? What I need to discuss with you is nothing to be discussed in public." Spock persisted. He could not give up, even though he clearly could feel her distress.

She suddenly felt an urge that was not her own was spilling over to her, willing her to give in. "All right." she agreed, her brows slightly knitted together. "But I can't leave for too long. I have work to do."

He nodded, then turned around, obviously expecting her to follow him. She scanned the room, looking for Soran, wordlessly signaling him, she was leaving for a short while, before she followed Spock to one of the doors, leading back to the main area of the embassy.

He awaited her at the door, inwardly surprised at her outwardly calm and composed demeanor while he sensed her inner turmoil. Her emotions almost did not show in any way.

They quietly traversed the large entrance hall and walked down a corridor until they reached one of the rooms the embassy offered to its Vulcan employees and visitors should they be in need of meditation.

As soon as they had the door closed behind them, Althea turned to Spock, doing her best to look calm and composed, despite a hundred different emotions assaulting her. "What is it that I can do for you, Commander?"

He looked down into her face, suddenly at a loss how he should broach the subject to her. "What is it you know about how Vulcans find their mates and how they decide to formalize their union?" he then asked her.

"Excuse me?" She almost couldn't believe what he was asking her. "This is what you wanted to talk to me about? You can't be seriously asking me that!"

His gaze never left her eyes. "There is no reason for me to not be serious about it."

"As I understand it, this is nothing to be discussed in public. Or with Non-Vulcans." she evaded, her exasperation at him clearly showing in her voice by now.

"Since I asked you to give your knowledge, you are free to speak." he countered.

"How can I have any knowledge of something that is not discussed with outsiders? All I could give you are guesses and speculations." _What was he aiming at?_

"Then please guess."

For some time they both stared at each other. Spock's face seemed calm and composed on the outside, but Althea got the distinct impression something lay beneath this calm, something very different from his outward appearance.

Then Althea gave a slight nod, knitting her brows slightly together. "Very well, as you wish."

She turned her head, focusing her eyes on the meditation stone with its flickering flame. "As I understand it, almost all Vulcan children are betrothed at the age of seven to a partner chosen by their parents and clan elders. This betrothal is not to be understood as a terran betrothal would be, meaning simply being a vow to get married at a later time. Vulcan children are linked telepathically during their betrothal. When they are grown up, at some point, they turn this betrothal into a marriage. I do not know how they decide on the point in time to get married. However, I have the impression there is something to it involving telepathy. But no one ever talks about it.

"I also don't know if the telepathic link formed between children is different from the one between married couples. I am not even sure, if this link is strong or not. Sometimes, I get the impression, it is very strong. Sometimes it appears as if it almost doesn't exist. Probably it varies from couple to couple, depending on the mutual attachment to each other." She stopped, returning her gaze from the meditation stone back to his face again. "I believe there is a lot more to this, but there is absolutely no information available on it. Even pre-reform literature does not dwell on it. Or if it does, this literature is not available to anyone outside of Vulcan society."

Spock nodded once. "Have you ever heard of the term _pon farr_?"

"_Pon farr_? If I translate it correctly it means "Time of Mating". But I have never heard of it in any context." She felt her confusion getting even bigger. "What does it mean?"

"Your translation is correct. _Pon farr_ usually occurs in the Vulcan male for the first time between the age of 25 and 40. A neurochemical imbalance triggers an urge in the male to return to his betrothed and consummate their betrothal bond. If the male does not return to his bride, the imbalance will increase, culminating in _plak tow_, a kind of madness, which will ultimately lead to the death of the male. When the male returns to his bride and the betrothal bond is consummated, a Vulcan pair bonds even more intensely on a telepathic level, thereby forming the marriage bond. This bond links them permanently and can only be severed by a powerful healer or death."

Althea felt as if Spock had just dropped a bomb in front of her feet. She couldn't think of a single thing to say to that. This was madness. And she couldn't think of any reason at all, why he was telling her all this. Spock felt shear shock radiating from her, her eyes staring at him confused and disbelievingly.

"Why are you telling me this." she finally managed to say.

"I wish you to understand what happened five years ago."

"But what has all this to do with... with the events back then?"

"When I met you in the library I had just undergone my first _pon farr_."

"You are married?" she whispered, feeling suddenly even worse.

"No, I am not. My bride decided to challenge during our bonding ceremony. She chose a champion to fight me for her. I won, but the fight had effectively quenched my _pon farr_. So I choose to set my bride free. I had no desire to be bound to a wife who clearly desired another. Still, even though my _pon farr_ was abating, I still had heightened senses that made me very perceptible to any unbound female as yourself."

Althea went very pale. "So I was simply a convenience to... to satiate your sexual desire."

"I believe not." he disagreed.

"You _believe_ not." she echoed. "What then? Why did you do it? What in God's name are you trying to tell me?"

"I don't know what happened, but the result became very obvious to me today when we touched." he said.

"What result?" Althea asked, not sure if she wanted to hear the answer.

"We are bonded. During that night in the library we must have formed a bond, which lay dormant since then, only springing into life when we touched."

Althea felt her body going completely numb, felt all her emotions just shutting down. She starred at Spock, but she wasn't quite sure, if it really was her seeing him or somebody completely different and she was just watching from the outside. "So, this means, we are ... married?" She heard herself ask, her voice sounding strangely far away.

"In essence, according to the customs of my people, we are."

She still starred at him, trying to pull her thoughts back together. "I don't think so. You must be wrong. This isn't possible!" Without another word, she turned around, fleeing from the room. Was he crazy? This couldn't be true. It simply could not. He was plainly out if his mind. This story was just unbelievable.

She stopped in the hall for a second, closed her eyes. This whole thing was totally insane. How could he claim such a thing? She forced her breathing to slow down. She better should go back to the reception. If she waited too long, he might catch up with her. She absolutely had no nerve to concern herself with Spock and his insane claims.

She took a deep breath to calm herself before she went to the reception. _Just ignore it._ she told herself. _Don't think about it. Go back to work and solve this problem later. This whole story is way too crazy to be true._

* * *

Spock looked at the door through which Althea had just disappeared. He obviously had gone about it all wrong. But he had no idea how he could have done it differently. He had had to explain it to her. There was no alternative to telling the truth.

But all he could feel from her right now was a deep feeling of shock, overshadowed by denial and fear.

He was unsure about what to do next. Then he decided to wait. Maybe with time she would come to realize that he had indeed told her the truth about their situation. And if she realized that, she would most certainly come to him. They needed to solve this together. There was no other way.


	5. Chapter 5

**AN: I changed the rating for this story to M with this chapter. I am not sure, if this chapter yet warrants M, but I think some of the next chapters might just really go there.  
**

* * *

**2272 - San Francisco, Earth**

**Night**

Althea felt completely exhausted when she finally returned home that night. Her mind and body felt numb, one still from the rather high dosage of analgesics, the other from her strange encounter with Commander Spock. Without much thinking she got out of her clothes, switched into her pajamas and burrowed deep down in her bed. She was so tired she thought she would just crash and sleep.

But sleep did not come to her. She lay there, bone tired, but her mind ran in nervous circles. The only thing she could think about was Spock. His name was pounding in her head. His voice filled her mind, telling her about _pon farr_ and mind links.

_Married_. she though. _No, bonded._ she corrected herself. _Linked telepathically. But how? Shouldn't I at least feel something?_

Another part of her was still in denial. _This cannot be true. It simply can't._

She closed her eyes. _I should feel _something_._ She focused, tried to concentrate on Spock.

_Where are you?_ she asked in her mind.

And she suddenly found something. She had no idea how she should ever describe it. At first it felt like a thought, then became denser. A presence, a feeling of someone else being close to her.

She gasped, her eyes flying open and searching the darkness around her. But she was alone. This presence was not out there. It was within her, echoing at the back of her mind.

* * *

Spock's eyes opened, his meditation interrupted. He felt her reaching out to him. She was accessing the bond, tentatively probing their connection.

* * *

Althea was afraid. It scared her, having him there in her mind. How could that ever have happened?

* * *

Spock felt her fear crushing down on him. _Do not be afraid._ he thought. _I will not harm you._ He needed to calm her down, assure her, that there was no danger for her.

* * *

A wave of assurance was rushing towards Althea. There was no need for her to be afraid. He did not intend to hurt her.

She became calmer, but her fear was still lurching in the back of her mind. Intellectually she knew why he was there, in her mind. But emotionally she was unable to accept it. How could this have happened to her? And why?

* * *

**2267 - ShiKahr, Vulcan**

**Flashback**

His forehead was resting against hers, his hands trailing down the side of her face, her neck, then tracing the outline of her collarbones.

Her hands slowly rose to his neck, following his vertebrae from up between his shoulder blades to his hairline.

His hands returned to her face, carefully cupping it, his eyes intend on hers.

She felt a tingling sensation radiating from his touch. Her fingers left his neck, tracing first one pointed ear, then the other. Everything felt so right to her. So perfect. Her whole body seemed to sing. And she felt his body answering to hers.

His long, elegant fingers came to rest upon her temples and cheeks. The tingling increased and she found herself mirroring his touch with her hand in his face.

His mind suddenly spilled over into hers, and hers into his. Sensation exploded around them, taking them in a tumble to the floor. She was not rejecting him as had his betrothed. Her mind was open to him, curious about him, inviting him to explore further. At the same time she was pushing forward, fascinated by his personality. He was at the same time alien and familiar to her. He instantly knew what she desired. She had no need to search for what pleasured him. There was no frustration from futile attempts to direct the other to give pleasure.

Their minds tangled, circled, each one feeling the pleasure and desire of the other as their own. There were no questions, no rejection, no frustration or doubts. They simply were, enjoying each other, exploring each other, merging their minds to feel and to understand. There was no need for words any more.

* * *

**2272 - San Francisco, Terra**

**Night II**

Althea sat bolt upright in her bed. She was breathing hard, her body tingling from the echo of that night on Vulcan. How could she ever have forgotten that? How could she _ever_ have lost her memories of such an incredible experience?

* * *

Spock fought for control while the memories washed over him and the bond flared wide open. He almost could feel her touch again on his bare skin, her hands and mouth exploring every inch of his body in a way no one had dared to before.

* * *

Althea felt a wave of arousal cursing through her body. She gasped, as her body instantly responded to it. She longed for his touch, for the feel of his warm skin against her cool one.

Then fear suddenly boiled up inside of her again. She felt out of control, unable to discern between her own sensations and emotions and his. It was overwhelming, mesmerizing and frightening at the same time. She felt like a moth spiraling towards the light that would kill it, unable to resist it.

Just like that her arousal disappeared into nothingness, crash-landing her back in her not too pretty reality. What was happening to her? What was she to do? How should she react? She felt paralyzed and overwhelmed, unable to think clearly. How was she supposed to handle a situation like this one?

* * *

Her fear felt like a slap in his face, breaking the spell of almost-sensations and allowing him to regain his emotional control.

He should have maintained control. But again he had lost his control. Her memory combined with his own recollections had shattered his mental disciplines, leaving unchecked sensation and unguarded emotions in their wake.

He carefully wrapped his emotions and desires up, stowing them away in his mind. He could not afford to lose his control again. The situation in itself was fragile and volatile enough. If he could not keep his emotions under control, he very likely would damage Althea's psyche permanently, if he had not done so already. She had no way of knowing what she was up against. The nature and power of a marriage bond was not a thing discussed with non-Vulcans. She could not have known five years ago what her acceptance of him would mean to a Vulcan male in the aftermath of an aborted _pon farr_. They had both been powerless against a force stronger and more primeval than any rational thought or reason itself.

He sent calming thoughts towards her, spreading a web of warmth and reassurance. _You need not be afraid. You will not be hurt. Rest. Sleep._

* * *

Althea felt a protective warmth spreading around her. She knew he was doing it. For a second she wondered how far he could manipulate her, what he could make her do. But instantly she knew he would never use her in such a way. She only felt concern for her well being.

Everything was so confusing. Her emotions were virtually taking her on a rollercoaster ride. Fear, confusion, desire, fear again. And know, all of a sudden she felt safe and protected.

Her reason was protesting against this and she knew, logically, all this made no sense. But her body was exhausted, only to willing to give in.

Her eyelids became heavy, her body slowly relaxing. She had no desire to fight this. She only wished to sleep. Whatever there was, she could think about it tomorrow. There was nothing she could do right now, except go to sleep.

* * *

Spock sensed Althea falling asleep through their bond. She would rest now. As would he. They had enough difficulties ahead of them. They needed their strength to deal with them.

* * *

**Knowing the Facts**

Althea sat in front of her breakfast and tried to eat. But she could not. Her thoughts were running in circles, revolving around this strange feeling of another person's existence in her head, which she very hard tried to ignore.

What was she supposed to do now? How did one handle a situation like hers? She very much doubted any other human had found themselves in a situation like hers. Or had they? How was she supposed to know? With all she had been told by Spock yesterday she would not know about it. No one would have ever talked about it.

They had to talk, that much was certain. She picked at her cereals for some time, pondering. Everything felt strange and out of place. She finally dropped her spoon in the bowl, pulled herself together and sent a message to Spock.

_Commander Spock_, she began, but then instantly erased it. They most certainly were beyond formalities and titles.

_Spock,_

_I apologize for running away from you yesterday. You were right, we have to talk. Please contact me and suggest a place and time to meet that is convenient to you. I will make sure to be there._

_Althea_

Then she waited, trying to eat, forcing down a few bites. Eventually she gave up. She simply wasn't hungry. And she was very, very glad it was Sunday and she did not have to go to work. She could not imagine getting anything done in her current state of mind.

She tried to relax and calm down a bit, but her mind was unable to rest. Her thoughts were inevitably returning to the one brutal fact. She was telepathically bonded to Spock, whom she didn't know at all. And as if that wasn't enough in itself, he also happened to be her employer's son, and Amanda and Sarek most likely had not the slightest idea of it all.

But if Spock had told them by now? This thought made her stomach lurch. If he told his patents, this most certainly entailed him telling them how they had met and what had happened between them five years ago. And she definitely preferred them not to know. Making love to a total stranger in one of the Vulcan Science Academy's libraries was just not the thing she wished to advertise. But he certainly would not have told his parents. Yet.

She had had sexual relations before this encounter in the library. But this particular incident had always been too personal and too intense to her, even before she had remembered all of it. She had never told anyone about it. Not that anyone would have believed her anyway.

And afterwards, she never had been really interested in anyone. There had been admirers, human and otherwise, but none of them had been able to actually spike her interest. It was only now that she wondered if her connection to Spock had prevented her from forming a deeper attachment to anybody else.

And this other thing, Spock had told her about, _pon farr_, she still almost couldn't believe it. It had sounded like animals in heat, only worse. Most animals, that were in heat and could not mate, wouldn't die. And how would someone as logical and as controlled as a Vulcan deal with something like this _pon farr_? She imagined it to be almost devastating to a Vulcan.

And how would - could she deal with it? Was it even a reoccurring thing or did it only happen once, upon reaching sexual maturity? How come, no one non-Vulcan had ever noticed anything?

Althea retrieved her PADD. Maybe she just hadn't looked in the right places yet. The thought to investigate Vulcan mating rituals had never crossed her mind. Why should it have? She had known about the prearranged marriages. She had known about the telepathic link, getting an even better grasp of it since she worked for Amanda. But she had had absolutely no reason at all to consider something like _pon farr_.

She went on the internet, searching for information, but after two hours she still hadn't come up with anything useful. She had found some hilariously funny speculations about Vulcan sexuality, shady porn pages, some not so funny derogatory pages and a sociology page, that didn't tell her anything she hadn't already known. It confirmed the rigid social and cultural taboo surrounding Vulcan mating rituals Spock had told her about and commented on the very low rate of interspecies marriages involving Vulcans.

She sighted. She seriously doubted she would find anything useful on the general internet. Then she thought about accessing her work computer and conducting her research from there. She would have at least restricted access to federation, Starfleet and Vulcan databases that were inaccessible to the general public. But using her work computer at the embassy to research a Vulcan taboo theme without any kind of authorization whatsoever could land her in serious trouble.

Althea hesitated, turning her PADD over and over again in her hands. She had no real information and no reply from Spock yet. Why had he still not answered her? She felt truly left in limbo.

* * *

Spock sensed a growing unrest in Althea. He suspected it to relate to her request for a meeting. But he still needed to organize his schedule, finding a time slot where he could leave with minimal notice. He would call too much attention to himself if he simply left his parents suddenly on his first day home without being able to give a proper reason. He had no intention to tell them about Althea yet.

He finally decided to meet her in the late afternoon, after spending some time with his mother but before he would have night meal with his parents.

_Althea,_

_There is no need to apologize. If it is acceptable for you, I will visit you at 1600 hours at your home._

_Spock_

He hoped to be gone unnoticed. If not, he could always claim to be going on a walk, since he intended to walk to Althea's apartment. But he would prefer it not to be forced to give such an evasive answer. However, he wanted even less his connection to Althea to be known. He was not yet sure what amount and what kind of pressure would be put on him and Althea as a result of it. He had no knowledge if his family had already begun the search for a new bond mate for him, but most certainly they had. His next _pon farr_ was in two years, which did not leave them too much time to find a suitable mate for him. He knew of several favorable connections to other clans that were desired by his own clan. However, he had no information on potential female candidates of these clans who were available to bond with him. Still, he was quite sure, T'Pau had already thought of possible mates for him. And if she had not yet broached the subject to him or his father, she would do so soon. He presumed, on this basis, a bond between him and a terran woman would not be seen as an agreeable event by his clan.

He thought about what to say to Althea. There were many things she needed to know. If she was willing to consider remaining his bond mate at all. He did not intend to go back on his commitment to her. However, she was terran and had had no concept of what she had been doing five years ago. She most likely had not a full understanding what a Vulcan marriage bond entailed, which gave her the right to reconsider upon obtaining full information on it from him.

Spock experienced dissatisfaction at the thought of her rejecting him without giving it any consideration. There was no logic in this thought. They did not know each other. Or if they were compatible. Still, he wished her to at least think about it and weight all the information he would be giving her before she came to a decision.

* * *

Althea stood in front of her wardrobe and wondered what to wear. What were the appropriate clothes for meeting the Vulcan husband one didn't know one had possessed for five years till yesterday?

She couldn't help laughing, albeit it sounded a little bit hysterical to her. One thing was sure. She couldn't receive him in her old sweat pants and the oversized college t-shirt she was currently wearing.

Well, one of her more informal work outfits would have to do. She definitely wouldn't go for sexy and the situation just didn't feel like one for wearing casual clothes. She also decided against a skirt which caught her as too feminine. She wanted to keep it neutral. Maybe even a little bit professional. So she chose a pair of black trousers and a light black silk tunic with flowing sleeves. She also donned a pair of white pearl earrings, pulled her hair back in a simple pony tail and applied only a minimum of makeup.

Why was she even interested in how she looked? She didn't wish to look attractive or anything. But she wanted to look well-groomed and sophisticated. It gave her confidence and she definitely needed all the confidence she could get.

* * *

Spock activated the door bell at Althea Parkers apartment precisely at 1600 hours. He did not have to wait long for her to answer the door.

She nodded at him, fully opening the door and inviting him in. "Spock, please come in."

"Althea." he acknowledged with a polite incline of his head and entered her apartment.

"Please step through. The living room is just through there, down the hall." She indicated the direction with her hand, following him to the living room.

He unobtrusively took in her home. He found, she preferred a clear style in her furniture, mixing in a few old or even antique pieces among the modern ones. And she obviously shared his mother's passion for books. Even though her collection was by far smaller than his mother's, she obviously had succeeded in acquiring quite an impressive collection, which was neatly housed in an old fashioned wooden bookcase. He even glimpsed a few Vulcan and Andorian books among her possessions.

Althea saw his gaze lingering on her books. "They are, if you will, a hobby of mine. I've been collecting books since college. I believe there is still another quality to reading an actual paper book and not only a digital version, especially if it is a book which was published before the advent of e-book readers and PADDs. The print layout, the font choice, the cover design, everything is conveying a message of its own."

Spock turned from the bookcase to face her. "Studying old books can be quite intriguing."

"Yes, it can." she agreed.

For a moment they did not say anything, simply looking at each other. Then Althea turned towards the sitting area. "Will you sit?" she asked. "Would you like something to drink? A cup of tea perhaps? I just made a pot of Chinese jasmine tea."

Spock sat in one of her easy chairs. "A cup of tea would be acceptable."

Althea disappeared into the kitchen. She had to breathe deeply to calm her nerves and keep her hands from shaking while she was pouring the tea. She took two large cups of tea back to the living room and offered one to Spock, setting the second one down on a low coffee table before lowering herself onto her sofa.

Again they looked at each other for a moment, hesitation hanging heavy in the air. It felt almost palpable to Althea.

"I regret having caused you distress yesterday." Spock finally began, aware that more time had passed in silence than was logical.

She held his gaze. "Quite frankly, you shocked me out of my mind yesterday. But, in retrospect, I realize, there might not have been any other, less shocking way to break the news to me. Not if the news _is_ shocking in itself. Denial was only the easy way out." she paused.

"I have observed a tendency in humans to go into denial if a situation is emotionally overwhelming to them. I could sense the extent of your emotional distress and therefore find your reaction quite normal and understandable, despite its emotional nature."

Althea felt herself smiling slightly at Spock. "You know, if I hadn't worked in a largely Vulcan dominated environment for the past two years, I might have found this statement of yours quite condescending. But as it is, I know this is only your way of telling me, you understand. And I thank you for that."

Spock's right eyebrow went up into his hair. "There is no need to thank logic."

"Sometimes there is." she countered earnestly.

Again they looked at each other. Their eyes were searching, inquiring, trying to get a feel for the other.

"There are more things you need to know." Spock broke in. "And there are decisions that need to be made."

"I thought as much." she replied.

"However, if you have already decided you wish to end this now, there is no use for further explanations. I will contact a healer immediately who will dissolve our bond as soon as possible."

Althea felt her emotions going haywire. This would just be the easiest thing to do, solving all their problems. Everything else would just be plainly crazy, wouldn't it? But then she remembered, how he had made her feel save and sheltered so she would sleep that night. And she remembered how she had felt back on Vulcan.

"I really don't know." Was she out of her mind? This was her ticket out of this whole mess.

"So you are willing to remain my bond mate?" he asked, his face a study in neutrality.

"I didn't say that. I am willing to consider it, I guess."

He looked at her, deciding not to remark on the illogic of stating, she _guessed_ she was willing to consider.

"How about you? Do you _want_ to be bonded with me?" she asked, trying to read his eyes.

He raised an eyebrow. "I am bound by my actions of five years ago."

"That's not what I asked. Do _you_ want to be with me?"

He looked at her, considering her. He did not know much about her, only a few basic things his mother had told him in passing over the years. Her outer form and countenance however where quite appealing to him albeit she did not fit the type of women he had previously been attracted to. They had been mostly tall and fair. She would be considered small for a Vulcan, but was of middle height for a human. Her figure was rather on the curvy side. Her face was evenly cut and quite attractively framed by her full wavy red hair, accentuating her pale skin and dark green eyes.

"Your appearance is aesthetically pleasing. However, I do not have sufficient data to judge your personality's compatibility with mine." he finally stated.

Althea stared at him for a second, somewhat dumbfounded by his answer. _At least he doesn't think I'm ugly_. she thought. And for their compatibility, she had to admit to herself, he was simply right. They didn't really know anything about each other.

In turn she took her time, taking in his appearance. Slim, tall, dark and quite handsome. His features were rather a little bit too aquiline for her taste, but she really liked the look of his hands with their long, elegant fingers. In fact, she found them quite beautiful. An artist's hands. She couldn't imagine being with someone who had appalling hands.

She smiled slightly. "You are quite impressive yourself. And about our compatibility, maybe we should just take some time to get to know each other, before we decide on anything."

He inclined his head. "As a Vulcan I am bound by our union by tradition. But you are not, since you are terran, and therefore are free to choose."

She knitted her brows together. "I will only _ever_ agree to this, if it is also what _you_ wish. I will not consent to live with a mate who only does so out of obligation. You need not tell me, you love me, but I need to know, need to be sure, that you _want_ to be with me. If I cannot be sure of that, I will never agree to it." She paused. "I will never hold you to anything. I want you to be as free as I am to choose."

"You cannot release me from what is my duty."

She stared him down. "Why not? Why can't I?"

"It simply is not done. I am aware humans do chose their mates on basis of personal preference only. However, Vulcans do not. Ours is a logical choice. And if in rare cases as this _pon farr_ chooses a mate for us, we honor it. There is neither logic nor honor in dissolving such a union after _pon farr_ has abated."

"But doesn't it matter what I want? If this is ever going to work, we both will have to compromise. I am willing to consider staying bonded to you, even though most of my people would think me plainly crazy for it. But I could never remain in a relationship with a partner who would rather have somebody else. So if you want to give this a chance, you have to allow yourself a choice."

Althea saw something pass in his eyes which she couldn't quite grasp. It was too fast gone for her to understand what it was she saw.

"I believe I will be able to adjust if you wish so. Rest assured I will not remain bonded to you if I do not wish so."

"So we will have to get to know each other now." she stated.

"We will do so." Spock confirmed. "However, there still remain things, we need to discuss beforehand."

She nodded. "Yes?"

"You must be aware, that _pon farr_ not only occurs once in a Vulcan male's life, but approximately every seven years. I will experience it again in two years times and if you remain my bond mate I will seek you out then and will have to mate with you."

Althea felt herself flushing a deep tone of red, focusing her attention on the cup of tea in her hands. So _pon farr_ was not a one time occurrence but a reoccurring event.

"I couldn't do it now." she began. "But I think I can do it, if I find I love you." She paused and looked up again. "If we do not match, you need to find another mate in time, am I right? How much time does this leave us to see if we work out?"

"I do not require more than six months to chose a Vulcan mate. I am quite sure my family has already begun the process of selecting suitable mates for me, which they will present to me in due course. Nevertheless, I will have to return to the _Enterprise_ in 26 days, which limits the time allotted to us."

Althea felt just a little bit sick. No more than six month to find a mate for a lifetime? He probably wouldn't meet her more than once or twice before sharing... sharing what exactly? And how was _their_ situation any better? 26 days to decide on a partner for life? Was this even possible? This definitively wasn't something to take lightly. In a human relationship, people could end up emotionally bruised, but if this did not work out, he could die and she would most likely end up damaged for life.

She nodded slowly. "I understand. I mean, I think I understand. How does _pon farr_ go exactly?" She couldn't help asking it. "You told me, you will need to... mate. But what exactly does _mate_ mean? How long does it go?"

Spock knew it was illogical to be embarrassed by a biological fact he had no power to change. Still he felt shame.

"You told me, it was a biochemical imbalance, causing the males need to mate." Althea continued. "But you did not specify."

Spock knew he needed to explain everything to Althea. There was no other way. "_Pon farr_ usually lasts between three and seven days, during which the male is driven to mate with the female repeatedly. _Pon farr_ strips the male of his logic, leaving only the mating instinct. He will have no other thought during that time than to copulate with the female."

"Three to seven days!" Althea didn't know what to think of that. "But what if the... the female doesn't want to have sex anymore?" She suddenly felt terribly frightened.

Spock sensed her fear. "During pon farr, the male is full off sexual desire. And his desire spills over to the female via the bond. She will feel as much sexual desire as he does."

"So they will both become sexual maniacs for a few days?" she blurted out.

"In essence, yes." Spock confirmed.

She hid the lower half of her face in her hands, her eyes fixed on him, trying to digest this information. How could she? Could she? Obviously she would. She felt herself violently blushing - again - at the thought of Spock and herself... She couldn't even finish the thought!

"Are you all right?" Spock asked almost concerned.

"Honestly, I don't know. I am trying to grasp this, but I am not sure I can. How on earth does your species manage to hide this?" she asked.

"There are only a few interspecies marriages, since most of us are betrothed at the age of seven. And of those few interspecies marriages the majority is between Vulcan females and male members of other species. These marriages are not affected by _pon farr_. And those non-Vulcan females who marry Vulcan males do keep the secret, since the concept of _pon farr_ is quite difficult to understand for someone who has never experienced _pon farr_. There are not many other outsiders who ever became aware of _pon farr_ since a Vulcan male senses the advent of _pon farr_ three to four weeks in advance and can usually make appropriate arrangements in time. Furthermore, we hardly ever discuss it among ourselves. _Pon farr_ is taboo, since Vulcan males prefer it not to be reminded that they will be striped of their logic every seven years."

"I see." So she would have to come to grip with it on her own. If she ever could.

"I would never hurt you intentionally." Spock said.

"I know." Oddly enough she really _knew_.

Both directed their attention to their cups of tea, too embarrassed to look at each other. _Pon farr_ was suddenly looming over them like an evil curse.

Spock lifted his head. "I should go." He started to get up, placing his cup of tea on the coffee table.

"No, please don't!" Althea instinctively reached out to hold him back, stopping shortly before touching his arm.

He looked at her hand almost touching him, then lifted his gaze up to her face. He seamed unmoved from the outside, but she believed to see _something_ passing in his eyes. He almost seemed _relieved_ she did not wish for him to go.

Spock settled back in his chair. "I expected you to be appalled by what I revealed to you."

She shook her head. "No, I am not appalled. It frightens me. And it is certainly nothing I ever would have expected. But I am not judging you. It is nothing you have any influence on. Or a choice in. Is it?"

"It is not. It is a biological fact for my people, which we are unable to cure."

"So then let's not talk of it any more. We can always do so again, if need arises."

Their eyes locked. Her mouth was set firm in determination, his eyes acknowledged her resoluteness.

"What is it, you wish to talk about then?" he asked.

For a moment she was at a loss what to say. "Well, anything else. Tell me about your work on the Enterprise, your colleagues, your favourite piece of music. Is there anything you prefer to eat above anything else. What is your favourite book?" She let her voice fade out with the last question.

"I will endeavour to answer all your questions adequately. And of course, I will pose some questions of my own to you."

She smiled at him, however still somewhat tentatively. "Please do."

* * *

_**AN: This chapter really was a difficult one to write. I rewrote it several times and am still not sure if it is credible characterwise. But it's the best I can do for now. I might go crazy if I rewrite it again. So I hope you enjoyed it anyway!**_


	6. Chapter 6

**AN: Noooooo, I haven't abandon this story. Life and work just interfered..**

* * *

**2272 - San Francisco, Earth**

Sarek of Vulcan switched off the communication terminal on his desk and steepled his fingers in front of his face. The message he had just received was not unexpected. In fact, he had expected it as soon as he had learned of Spock's visit. Still, this did not necessarily mean the message was welcome.

T'Pau had written to him, requesting him to tell Spock he was required to choose a new bondmate. As the sole heir to Sarek he was not allowed to risk his life by approaching _pon farr_ without a bondmate. His leave from Enterprise presented an excellent opportunity for Spock to choose a new bond mate. T'Pau had already enclosed with her message the files of several eligible Vulcan females for Spock to review and chose from.

Sarek got up from his chair and crossed the room to one of the large windows facing over the embassy's gardens. T'Pau's request which in truth was not a request at all but an order caused discomfort within him for more than one reason. His own arranged bond to T'Rea had been an unstable one at best, and Spock's childhood betrothal to T'Pring had proven to have been an almost disastrous and fatal decision. Both unions had been forged on grounds of matched psychological and genetic profiles, common interests and logic. However, Sarek was no longer sure these were appropriate criteria on which to base a marriage bond.

Still, Spock needed a bondmate. Further delaying the process of choosing one was illogical in the face of a _pon farr_ only two years distant. The sooner Spock started reviewing possible candidates the higher the possibility he would find someone with whom he could build a fulfilling marriage bond.

* * *

Spock felt himself gradually relaxing in Althea's presence. He also realized her face had become less pinched and earnest, giving her features a softer quality than before.

Still he was aware of a certain distance between them. It was to be expected and resulted not only from her side alone. A part of him found it also somewhat disconcerting to be trust into a situation of enforced closeness with a virtual stranger.

He could feel a carefully suppressed anger emanating through their bond. But he knew it to be directed at the situation they found themselves in rather than at himself. She tried hard to be impartial and neutral towards him. He found her emotional control quite remarkable in that respect.

She was earnestly interested in his work, asking questions about his scientific research, the planets he had visited and his colleagues aboard the Enterprise. They compared their views on planets they had both visited. And she told him about the different people she had met while working for his mother as well as of her own scientific projects she hoped might some day develop into a new PhD thesis. From some of her comments Spock got the distinct impression, his mother had gradually and carefully encouraged Althea to return to her former field of study which she had abandoned so abruptly.

Still, they both avoided touching on more intimate subjects. They preferred to stay on saver grounds, not yet prepared to venture into too personal territories.

Two hours had passed when Spock finally halted their discussions. "I have to leave. My parents are expecting me for last meal."

She nodded. "Of course." She got up from her seat, waiting for him to do the same. "When will I see you again?" Althea then asked. "I'm working of course, but I usually get of by 6 to 7 pm. We could do something on one of the next evenings. If you are free, that is."

He inclined his head. "That would be agreeable. I have planned to visit several art museums during my stay on earth. If you are interested in visiting them as well, we could do so together."

"That would be fine with me." Althea agreed. "However, you have to choose the museums you want to see, since it is your leave."

"Very well. I will contact you with a possible date."

She smiled, albeit still somewhat guarded. "I'm looking forward to it."

She quietly escorted him to the door. "I actually enjoyed talking to you. After the touchy subjects." She gave him another small smile.

"I also appreciated our conversation." He gave her nod, which somehow seem a little bit softer than his usual curt nods. If a nod could be called soft, that was. "Good evening, Althea."

"_Lau-tu fun-tor ha-kel svi'ek'manek._" (May you return home in safety.) Althea replied.

Spock's eyebrow went up as she used this old traditional farewell, which indeed meant the farewell wisher was concerned about the well-being of the departing one.

"_Lau-tor mu-yor t'du nam-tor hizhuk eh masu t'du mau abi'fun-tor nash-veh._"(May your nights be quiet and your water plentiful until I return.) Spock gave the traditional answer.

Althea remained in her doorway until he had disappeared down the stairways of her apartment building. He could feel her eyes on his back until he had rounded the first corner. And he felt her wondering who he truly was inside and if he could be the man to make her happy.

* * *

**Monday, 16th September 2272**

**25 days left**

Althea fiddled with her writing PADD and stylus. She knew she was wasting time and she was not doing her work properly. But she found herself unable to stop thinking about yesterday's afternoon. She still tried to reconcile the picture of a Vulcan in his Time Spock had painted for her with the quiet, controlled, extremely polite and well-mannered man who had sat in front of her. And she suddenly couldn't help wondering about all the Vulcan men she knew. Had one of them − or even some of them experienced _pon farr_ since she had met them? Most likely some of them had, but she simply couldn't imagine it. There was no way to picture _any_ of them going sexually mad. She could never imagine Soran, so quietly efficient and considerate, or for that matter Sarek with all his ambassadorial grace and dignity, simply loose it.

Althea absentmindedly started to chew on her stylus. Then she thought about Amanda. She most certainly had lived through it several times. And she didn't seam unhappy. Or traumatized. On the contrary. She seemed very, very happy and content with Sarek. To her they were very obviously very much in love. She could even see it in Sarek, even though most people would most likely miss it.

She bit down hard on her stylus. But that was just it! Amanda and Sarek loved each other. The only thing she could say about Spock was she liked him. And he was interesting to talk to. But could she love him? Could she truly love him, as he deserved to be loved? And could he love her as she deserved to be loved?

A sight escaped her. She honestly did not know the answer to that question.

She let her stylus drop to the table and absentmindedly stared out of the window. From her window she had an almost perfect view over the embassy's garden. The sun was shining brightly, illuminating the terrace and lawn with its flower beds and shrubberies below. But her gaze went right through it all, not focusing on anything.

Then a movement caught her eye. A tall figure in dark robes had just entered the terrace and was now crossing it towards the lawn. She instantly knew it was him, causing her to lean towards the window, her eyes following his every movement.

He slowed his walk, then turned his head over his shoulder and looked straight up at her. She leaned even further forward, looking directly at him. For a second their eyes met, holding each other's gaze. Then he inclined his head slightly towards her, before continuing on his way across the terrace and lawn.

Althea followed him with her eyes until he disappeared from her view. She exhaled a breath she hadn't even noticed she had been holding, before she sank back in her chair.

Her mouth suddenly felt dry and she sensed something stirring in the back of her mind. It was no more than the faint breeze caused by the beating wings of a butterfly. Remember, it seamed to say. Remember.

Remember what? Althea wondered. Hadn't she remembered it all yet? His face, his posture, everything stood clear in front of her eyes, as he had sat there in the library on Vulcan. She remembered every movement, every touch and every kiss they had shared.

Then she suddenly remembered his eyes, dark and bottomless. They had been what had drawn her in. At one moment they had been expressionless and closed to her, in the next they had been awash with emotions, becoming a window to his soul.

She suddenly felt slightly dizzy. She had seen so much in these eyes, leaving her almost breathless. Pain and loneliness. But also strength and generosity. And an almost overwhelming curiosity and trust in life. This curiosity and wonder at the many fascinating aspects of the universe had been something she could relate to. And also the hidden loneliness. It had been fascination with that other being, that had seamed at the same time so alien and still so familiar, that had drawn them from their chairs and around the wooden table.

But since that day in the library on Vulcan five years had passed. She had changed during that time. She no longer was that bookish introverted young woman who was only interested in her science and research and who rarely ventured outside of her scientific world. She had travelled more planets than most Federation citizens would ever see in their whole lifetime. She had experienced great loss, had changed her outlook on life completely and had finally found some peace in what she was doing now.

And surely he must have changed to. Whatever it was that had drawn them together five years ago wasn't necessarily there any more. But still they were bound to each other and forced to see if they could recover whatever it was that had bound them.

* * *

Spock approached his father's office, stopping briefly at Saran's desk.

"The _kevet-dutar_ is awaiting you, _S'haile_ Spock." Soran said, gesturing towards the door.

Spock inclined his head to Soran, before he entered his father's office after knocking only once.

"Spock." Sarek turned from one of the windows, facing his son.

"Father. You wished to speak to me."

Sarek nodded. "It is a family matter of some importance I whish to discuss." He gestured to a suite of four armchairs surrounding a low table. "Let us be seated."

Spock raised an eyebrow, curious about what was to come. Then he obeyed his father, sat in one of the chairs and waited politely until his father was also seated. "What family matter do you wish to discuss with me?"

"You are aware that you last Time occurred five years ago, leaving only two more years until it will recur. Have you made any plans or preparations for that event?"

Spock blinked once before answering his father. "I have not. However I am aware of my need of a bondmate in time and had planned to address the matter in due cures."

"Have you a potential candidate in mind?" Sarek asked.

"I have evaluated different possibilities and had planned to enlist the services of a marriage broker after returning to _Enterprise_."

Sarek nodded. "T'Pau contacted me to discuss the issue of your bonding. Since you have not asked permission for a new bond, she has compiled a list of eligible females. She asked me to determine if you plan to declare _koon-ut so'lik_, and if you do not, to present you with the list of females."

Spock nodded. "I will of course consider the women T'Pau has selected."

For a second both father and son looked wordlessly at each other.

"There is no one you might consider to declare _koon-ut so'lik_ to?" Sarek suddenly asked, his voice carefully level.

Spock hid his surprise at his father's unusual question. "Still I would have no guarantee to be accepted." he somewhat evaded to answer it directly.

Sarek nodded in agreement. "However, in light of my misjudged choice of T'Pring for your first bond mate I find I am cautious about choices that others might make for you in that matter."

Spock nodded. "I will see to it that the choice is mine and based on my own considerations." At the same time he wondered if his father was just telling him, that he would not mind him rejecting T'Pau's candidates for one of his own choosing. "Father, what if the candidate of my choice is not a Vulcan but someone from another species?"

Sarek arched one of his eyebrows in the same gesture Spock used to express surprise. Was he having somebody on his mind or was he simply exploring all his options? "It would lead to difficulties."

"Please explain."

"Since you are half-terran it would lead to some fractions of the family questioning your children's rights in Vulcan society due to their being only one quarter Vulcan. As you know there where already discussions about your rights as my heir within our clan. And T'Pau might not be content about loosing the opportunity to forge an alliance with another clan through your bonding."

"I would have expected as much." Spock paused for a second. "What would your position be?" he then continued.

"I will accept whatever choice you make." Sarek looked his son directly into his eyes. "I have come to understand that your choices in life have been sound and based on logic so far, even though I once thought otherwise. I simply wish for you to make your choice in time and that it be a − logical one."

Spock nodded. "I will endeavour to do so."

* * *

Althea heard her mobile com unit vibrate in her hand bag. She retrieved it to find a short text message from Spock on it.

"Althea,

Tomorrow night there is a night showing in several Parisian museums. If it suites you I will collect you at 1900 hours at your apartment to visit the museum.

Spock"

"Spock,

1900 hours is fine with me. I will see you then. However, I would like to get something to eat before going to the museum. I most certainly will be hungry after work. I know a small Italian restaurant near my flat, nothing fancy, but they also have very good vegetarian dishes. We could go there.

Althea"

"This arrangement is acceptable."

With a tiny smile Althea replaced her mobile in her bag. Despite it all it felt somewhat funny to have just texted with a Vulcan to organize a somewhat secret date.

* * *

Sarek found his wife in the living room, alone and reading one of her books. She was curled up on the sofa as she often was when reading and had a blanked of Vulcan design draped over her feet. She looked up from her book when he entered, dropping her book to her lap, and smiled at him as he approached.

He replied with the faintest of smiles that he only ever showed to his wife, before he sat next to her. He then offered the extended index and middle fingers of his right hand to Amanda in a wordless invitation to share his mood.

She looked at him quizzical and placed the same two fingers of her own right hand on his. "Is something the matter?"

"Indeed there is. T'Pau contacted me today and asked me to find a new bondmate for Spock. In fact she already had a list of potential candidates, which she gave to me."

Sarek clearly felt Amanda's dismay at this news through their bond. "You know how well _that_ went the last time she tried."

"I know, my wife. However, Spock has only two years left until his next Time. I presumed he would have taken care of the matter by himself, but he has not. As it is, there is no logical reason for him to refuse considering T'Pau's candidates."

Amanda sighted. "I gather you have already talked to Spock."

"I have." Sarek confirmed.

"How did he react? I always hoped he might find someone himself." Amanda looked at Sarek. "He did not mention anyone to you at all, did he?"

"He did not. However he asked about possible objections to a Non-Vulcan bondmate."

Amanda's eyes narrowed slightly. "Did he, indeed? What did you tell him?"

"That I would support whatever choice he made, save he makes a choice at all. However in case of a Non-Vulcan bondmate he needed to be aware that his offsprings might not be granted full rights within the clan."

Sarek clearly felt Amanda's relieve, when he said he was willing to support whatever choice Spock made. He knew she had feared he would not be willing to accept a Non-Vulcan on grounds of Spock and his future family loosing clan rights. He could also sense an underlying anger at the rigidity of Vulcan family law in that matter. And Sarek felt a tiny bit of hope for their son from his wife.

"Amanda, you clearly think of something why Spock has asked about a Non-Vulcan bondmate."

"I am just wondering if maybe he actually has someone on his mind, but didn't want to mention her yet."

Sarek arched one of his eyebrows. "The same thought occurred to me. What leads you to the conclusion he might have someone on his mind?"

"Why should he ask about a Non-Vulcan bondmate if he was not considering one. The clan certainly will not offer one to him."

"I see your logic. Still, him considering a Non-Vulcan bondmate does not necessarily mean he considers a particular one. He might as well only be evaluating all his options in a general way. "

"You are of course right. But call it instinct, I believe he probably was thinking of someone particular when he asked. Only, he might not yet be sure about the outcome of the matter and therefore was not yet willing to give any details."

After 42 years of marriage, Sarek knew better than to refute Amanda's instincts. He had often found her to be right about them, especially when they concerned their son. Even though the logic of her instincts persistently eluded him. "We will see, my wife. It would indeed be gratifying to know our son well settled."

* * *

Glossary:

_S'haile_: a male title of respectful address, does not necessarily imply a feudal liege; may be translated loosely as "lord"

_koon-ut so'lik_: formal marriage proposal

(see: Vulcan Language Dictionary (VLD) ( /vld/) and Vulcan Language Institute ( wiki/Category:Vulcan_Language_Institute))


	7. Chapter 7

**AN: Thanks to everyone who has taken the time to review. And thanks to everyone who has faved my story or is following it. You keep me going!**

* * *

**Tuesday, 17th September 2272**

**24 days left**

Althea sat across from Spock in her favourite small Italian restaurant, carefully wrapping her tagliatelle around her fork. "Have you ever been to the Musée d'Orsay before?"

"I have not. As I understand it, the Musée d'Orsay holds one of the largest collections of impressionistic paintings and I find these quite fascinating." Spock replied.

"Why do you find them fascinating?" she asked, curious about a Vulcan's reasons for liking impressionistic art.

"I find many of the paintings aesthetically pleasing. And they provide a certain insight into the perception of individual humans. Before the impressionists paintings were depicting their subjects in very realistic ways, while impressionists concentrated on painting an overall visual effect rather than faithfully rendering every detail." he explained.

Althea watched as he pinned some of his farfalle on his fork and carefully ate them. "I have to confess, I don't know very much about paintings and I have never more than superficially concerned myself with art history. To me, art is something purely emotional and I rather evaluate it by the impact it has on me than by anything else."

Spock looked at her quizzically. "Please explain."

A small smile played across her lips as she took another sip of her red wine. "If I look at a painting it either talks to me, makes me feel something, or it doesn't. This is nothing that can be explained."

"I have often found art to be of great emotional value to humans." Spock stated.

"One might go as far as to say art is about nothing else but emotion. Why paint something when there is no emotional connection to the subject? Why write a piece of music without feeling every note?"

"One can simply enjoy the harmony created by a composition of colours or notes. They can induce peace of mind and inner tranquillity."

"So, on Vulcan, art is about harmony and tranquillity? What about disharmony? Or even provocation? Do Vulcan artists use these to get their audience to think, maybe even to question things they took for granted or believed to be immutable?"

Spock looked at her. "They rarely do. If something is amiss, Vulcans simply point it out. There is no need for taking detours by using uncertain means of communications."

"Uncertain means of communication?" Althea repeated somewhat unsure what exactly he meant by this.

"The perception of art strongly depends on the personal experiences of the spectator. An artist may want to transmit a certain message by employing certain means which for him are connected to certain events and emotions, but may very well give rise to a completely different set of associations and emotions in the spectator with his unique set of experiences."

"True, I have to concede that. But these different associations and emotions may then again lead to discussions and through these discussions may change the general perception of certain events and conditions." Spock watched Altheas features becoming more and more animated and her hands joining in on the discussion, underlining her statements.

"Also true. But where is the logic in taking a detour over art and not simply voicing the matter at hand?"

"Ah, but humans are almost never logical." She laughed softly. "And besides, they might be imprisoned by customs, conventions or social rules. There might be things that are simply never spoken of and the arts may offer a means of communication which is less direct and more subtle than tackling the issue heads on."

Spock raised an eyebrow. "I see. Like the painting "Olympia" by Edouard Manet we are going to see later at the museum."

Althea furrowed her brow. "How so? I don't know the painting."

"It is a nude, depicting a courtesan who gazes confrontational at the viewer. The picture stirred up a scandal at its first exhibition at the Paris Salon in 1865, because it did not depict an innocent nude but a self-confident and independent woman aware of her sexual powers, obviously using them to ensure her economic independence."

Althea bit her lower lip. "And at that time women were neither to be independent nor should they be aware of their sexual powers. And I guess the fact of prostitution shouldn't be brought to attention either."

"But it was universally known that prostitution existed."

"Still, there is a big difference between knowing something and showing something." Her eyes sparkled and her cheeks reddened slightly. She most certainly seemed to enjoy their discussion and he had to admit he also found it quite gratifying. Suddenly something flashed in her eyes. "Are there prostitutes on Vulcan?"

Spock looked at her, blinking twice. "No, there are not. It is deemed highly illogical to either sell sex or buy it."

"Why is it illogical to sell it, if there is a market for it? On earth it is deemed immoral in most cultures, but I wouldn't say it is illogical. If there is no other good available to sell..." Althea let her voice trail of, curious on how he would react to this rather provocative statement.

His eyebrow virtually disappeared beneath his hairline. "On Vulcan there is no demand for sexual services rendered for the sole purpose of giving pleasure. And offering a good for which there is no demand is indeed illogical. But I can see the logic of selling it elsewhere."

"For the sole purpose of giving pleasure." she repeated, the corners of her mouth twitching slightly upwards. "Please don't tell me Vulcans only have sex to procreate. That would indeed be most unfortunate."

Spock stared at her, unsure what she intended with this most disturbing line of conversation. But then he recognized amusement playing around her eyes and he suddenly realized she was simply teasing him. "As you wish. I won't tell you."

She couldn't help but laugh. "Touché. I guess I will simply have to find out for myself then, won't I?"

"That," he confirmed earnestly, "would be the logical course of action if information is unobtainable by inquiry."

Althea only barely escaped the undignified experience of chocking on a linguini. Whatever response she had expected, it hadn't been him teasing her back with the same sexual undercurrent she had just used on him in a rather futile attempt to unsettle him.

Later, when they stood in front of the actual painting of Olympia, Althea cocked her head slightly, contemplating the woman looking out of the picture.

"I think she looks somewhat disdainfully at us. Self-confident, yes, but also disdainful."

"It is said she might be looking at one of her customers."

"I see." Althea took a step closer to the picture, her lips parting slightly as she continued to contemplate the picture. "In 1865, how did they know she was a prostitute?"

"The name Olympia was a common nickname for a woman of the demi-monde, a courtesan, in 1860s' France. She is not depicted sleeping or innocently unaware of her viewers, but looks directly at them as a courtesan would have looked at her customers. Also, the black cat at her feet is a symbol of eroticism and prostitution. She very clearly is a woman of her time and not a mystic figure or a woman of an exotic and foreign country as most nudes were then." Spock explained to Althea, not moving from his erect posture with his hands clasped behind his back.

Althea turned her head towards him. "I wonder who she is..."

"The model was Victorine Meurent." Spock supplied.

Althea shook her head. "I didn't mean who the model for the painting was, but who the woman in the picture might have been. I wonder if the woman in that picture is happy and content or if she is simply drawing strength from the fact that she is defying society by buying her freedom and independence in exchange for sexual favours. And I wonder if the men back then had ever thought about women actively and knowingly using their sexual powers to dominate them, that maybe these elegant courtesans looked down on them who were so dependent on sexual favours." She smiled slightly before turning back towards the painting. "But that's just my take on the picture. People back then probably saw it in a completely different light."

"The painting created a great scandal, both for Manet's manner of painting and the subject. People reacted adversely to the open depiction of the reality of a demi-mondaine."

"I guess they must have. Nobody likes it to have their hypocrisy flung in their faces."

"Indeed." Spock agreed, finally also taking a step closer to the picture, placing himself next to Althea.

* * *

**Wednesday, 18th September 2272**

**23 days left**

Spock placed the PADD with the files of T'Pau's selection of candidates for his new bondmate down on the table next to his cup of tea. They were all imminently logical choices, close to his own age, from wealthy and powerful families like his own, with career interests in natural or computer sciences, highly intelligent, well bred and most of them even aesthetically pleasing.

Still he felt strangely dissatisfied by all of them. His dissatisfaction was puzzling, even disquieting, since he could not find a logical reason for it. He knew he had to choose. There was no alternative to him choosing a bondmate.

He thought of Althea, comparing her to the women on T'Pau's list. He doubted T'Pau would have deemed her a logical choice, even if she'd been a Vulcan from a wealthy or influential clan. Their interests and occupations were too different, he assumed.

Still he appreciated the conversations they had had so far. But were two evenings of conversation enough to base a marriage on? Was he even able to give to a human wife what she needed? Did he even know what a human wife might need from him, or at least what this special human might need? But for that matter, what did he know of the needs of a Vulcan bondmate?

He had to choose. Or at least select two or three women he agreed to meet before making a final choice. He could not rely on things working out between Althea and himself. And he could not offer any logical reasons to T'Pau why he was delaying choosing from the women she offered him.

Spock picked up the PADD once again. There were fourteen names on it. He would narrow them down to two, then inform his parents and contact T'Pau to arrange for him to meet these two women.

* * *

**Thursday, 19th September 2272**

**22 days left**

"Althea?" Amanda called from her office.

"Yes?" she got up from her desk, taking the few steps to the door between Amanda's and her own office.

"Could you please come in for a minute?" Amanda beckoned with her hand for her to come further and sit down in one of the chairs.

"Of course." Althea took the remaining steps to the chair opposite Amanda's desk. Amanda looked strangely serious and she was wondering what was up with her.

"I need to discuss something with you which has to remain strictly confidential."

Althea nodded, wondering what this could be about.

"As you know Spock is staying with us right now and he has decided to use his shore leave to find himself a new bondmate."

Althea felt something in her stomach going cold, but carefully kept her face as immobile and neutral as possible. She nodded slightly, waiting what more was to come and why Amanda wanted to discuss this with her.

"T'Pau has proposed several women to him and he has decided to meet one of them, T'Lara. She will be arriving from Vulcan on Saturday morning. Usually Sarek and I would go with Spock to fetch her from the shuttle port, but as you know we are both in Paris at the UFP conference for the whole day." Amanda sighted slightly. "T'Lara's family is quite traditional, and they do not want her to meet Spock alone. So I wanted to ask you - and Sarek is asking Soran right now - to accompany Spock to the shuttle port to meet T'Lara."

Althea felt as if someone had just emptied a bucket of icy cold water over her head, and she prayed to all the gods in the universe her face hadn't just turned as white as a sheet. There was no reason for her to react in any other way to this particular piece of news but with polite interest. And to her utter and deep dismay she could think of absolutely no reason at all to refuse Amanda's request. Her brain just refused to function properly.

"Of course I will go with Commander Spock." Althea was quite surprised at how even her voice sounded. "What do Soran and I do after we have fetched her? Do we stay with them until Sarek and you return from Paris?"

"If that is possible. However, if you have already made other arrangements for Saturday, it would be acceptable to leave Spock and T'Lara without immediate supervision on the embassy premises. However, with Soran and you they would be able to venture outside of the embassy."

"No, that's fine with me. I haven't got anything planned for Saturday." _No_, Althea thought, _all plans I might have had just went down the drain_.

"I'm really grateful you agree to do this." Amanda said. "T'Pau obviously didn't loose any time to arrange this meeting as soon as Spock agreed to meet some of the candidates."

"So this is rather important to T'Pau?" Althea ventured to ask.

Amanda sighted. "Yes, it is. She is putting up a lot of pressure for Spock to choose and to choose quickly."

"And you are not happy about it." Althea stated, not directly voicing her underlying question.

Amanda shook her head. "No, I'm not. You wouldn't be happy either if your child was forced into an arranged marriage."

Althea looked down on her hands in her lap. "No, I guess, I wouldn't." Then she looked up again. "I don't want to intrude, but can't he refuse to do it?"

Again Amanda shook her head. "He needs a bondmate. For a Vulcan a bondmate is not an option, it is a necessity of life. So he would have to choose a bondmate soon anyway. He has no logical reason to refuse T'Pau's candidates. It doesn't matter that I might prefer for him to choose of his own free will."

Althea nodded, hoping she hadn't turned bright red at the _necessity of life_ part, the word _pon farr_ flashing across her mind. "I see." For a moment she paused, not knowing what else to say. "If you just give me all the data for T'Lara's flight and maybe an itinerary for the day, I will try to be as unobtrusive as possible."

"You will have all the data as soon as I have them myself."

As soon as Althea had left Amanda's office she basically fled to the lady's room. All this was turning into a huge nightmare. She felt angry at Spock, because he hadn't told her anything about this. He could at least have warned her! And she felt so humiliated at having to sit through his meeting with T'Lara as his chaperone. How ridiculous was that? Did he even know about his mother asking her to do that? She felt frustrated, angry, hurt and quite unable to cope with it all. And she just wanted to hole up right there, in the lady's room and cry. But she couldn't possibly do that, sitting on a toilette in the Vulcan embassy and crying her eyes out. She simply had to hold it together, putting a tight clamp on her emotions at least until she was back home that night. And she really needed to talk to Spock about all this. And she definitely was in no mood to make it easy for him. He hadn't exactly made it easy for either.

* * *

Althea felt like she had worn a hole in her carpet walking up and down in her living room while waiting for Spock to finally show up at her apartment. She had only texted him she absolutely needed to see him, not wanting to engage in any discussions via portable link text messages.

Her first impulse was to simply smack him in the face when he showed up, but somehow she managed to subdue this impulse and to invite him in quite decently.

"You wished to discuss something with me." he began.

"Yes, I most certainly do."

He looked at her, clearly waiting for her to continue.

"Well, today your mother asked me, and I have to emphasize this, _me_, to sit in on your _meeting_ with T'Lara on Saturday as her chaperone since your parents can't be there. So I just wanted to know, why A you didn't at least tell me that you were going to meet another potential bondmate and B she was actually coming here on Saturday. Can you even imagine how hard it was for me to keep a straight face and to react as if this wasn't of _any_ particular concern to me? You can't just do something like that and not at least tell me."

He looked at her, his calm face making her want to scream. "I had planned on telling you tonight. I myself wasn't informed of T'Lara's arrival till this morning."

"Oh great. But I didn't even know you were already looking for a potential substitute for me. This makes me feel like I have already been replaced. Why then continue with... with this farce?"

His eyebrow shot up straight into his hairline. "I am not viewing this as a farce. T'Pau sent a list of potential bondmates to me to choose from and I had no logical reason I was at liberty to divulge to refuse to at least narrow down the list. As I found out only this morning T'Pau obviously has a rather great interest in seeing me speedily bonded. She arranged this meeting without consulting either my parents or me."

For a moment Althea simply stared at Spock, digesting what he had just told her in his usual calm voice. She very suddenly felt somewhat deflated. "Okay, I see your point. But really, you should have told me about this list. At least I think you should have."

"I apologize for my omission. It seems I am not familiar with every protocol of a human relationship."

"Apology accepted. And I apologize for exploding right in your face without first asking for all the facts."

He inclined his head. "Apology accepted."

For a moment they simply stood there in Althea's living room, looking at each other unsure about how to proceed.

"So what do we do now? This feels awful and wrong for me to be your chaperone. But I couldn't think of any reason to decline your mother's request."

"We may have no other choice than to go through with it." he stated.

Althea sighted. "I feared you would say something like that."

"I regret causing you distress."

"It's not you who is causing me distress. It's just the whole situation that is causing me distress. Why is T'Pau putting such a pressure on you to choose a bondmate? Why can't she at least wait a few more weeks?"

"I am accessible right now and there is no knowing when my next shore leave will be. Since my time is limited as well and I am the sole heir to my father's estate and the sole remaining direct descendant of Surak, she sees no logical reason for me to wait to choose another bondmate."

"You are the sole remaining direct descendant of Surak? I didn't know that. I knew your whole family descended from Surak, but I didn't know anyone besides you and then of course your father were direct descendants." Somehow this information slightly frightened her.

"This fact isn't of general knowledge outside of our clan."

"I see." Althea fell quiet, suddenly wondering even more, how his clan might react if they decided to stay bonded. The sole remaining direct descendant of Surak, himself half human, taking again a human wife.

"Althea, are you all right?"

She looked up at him. "It just seems to me, this whole thing is getting out of hands and way over my head."

"Do you wish to end it?"

"No." She didn't even know where this answer had come from so fast. "It's just, that I'm only now starting to realize what this might mean for me and for you and for your family and for I don't know who else."

Spock nodded once. "Never hesitate to ask me whatever you wish to know."

"I'll try to remember that. But for now I think I will just focus on surviving my duties as your chaperone. I still can't believe I'll have to do that."

* * *

Spock did not return directly to his room on the embassy grounds. He continued walking, contemplating his last interaction with Althea. When he had been talking to Althea he suddenly had been assaulted by a multitude of emotions from her leaking through their bond. He had felt anger, rage and a deep emotional pain combined with a sense of betrayal.

At first he had wondered how she had succeeded in keeping these emotions from him, why he hadn't felt anything through their bond earlier. Then he had com to realize, she simply had ignored and closed up her own emotions, refusing to feel them until she had been confronted with him and consequently with her emotions.

On an intellectual level he understood why she had been angry at him. She had been under the impression, albeit by mistake, that he had deliberately withheld information concerning their relationship from her. She clearly had seen it as some kind of betrayal from his side, even though she might not really have admitted that to herself.

As he understood it from his observations of human interaction and relationships, such behaviour as she had him thought of showing, would frequently lead to conflict, the conflict increasing in severity with increasing emotional attachment between the parties involved. However, he was also aware that he had to consider the additional variable of the general responsivity of the subject to a perceived deception. But Spock was not sure how high Althea's responsivity was. Overall she seemed rather controlled for a human, albeit she had exhibited several rather confusing and intense emotional responses by now.

But Spock also knew such a controlled behaviour could be misleading. Some humans did not show a linear, exponential, logarithmic, or sigmoidal relation between their severity of reaction and emotional attachment, but rather exhibited some kind of threshold behaviour. Bellow the attachment threshold their reactions were quite mild and constant in intensity, while upon reaching the threshold their reaction abruptly became rather intense.

The longer he thought about it, the less he felt able to judge Althea's grade of attachment to him. He hadn't yet gathered a sufficient amount of data to accurately calculate the correct function for mapping her reaction on her grade of affection for him. He only felt justified in concluding that she obviously had formed _some_ kind of attachment to him.

He found it quite dissatisfactory to be unable to determine the nature of her attachment to him. This situation most certainly needed further examination and contemplation of available data on his part.

* * *

Althea lay on her sofa, staring up at the ceiling. She still felt so angry. But she wasn't sure why she was angry any more. Certainly she wasn't angry at Spock, at least not any more, or maybe only a little bit. To her he seamed as trapped in this goddamn situation as she was. Maybe even worse, since his clan was pressuring him like hell to take a wife. For god's sake, they were basically throwing women at him.

But mainly she was angry at the whole dam situation. She always had thought she knew a lot a bout Vulcans and their culture. But now she found she essentially knew next to nothing of ... of Vulcan mating rituals. Actually, she never had bothered to look at the topic. With Amanda and Sarek in front of her, she simply had _assumed_ there couldn't be too many and too glaring differences. How wrong she had been.

Frankly, the biological details Spock had told her had shaken her to the core. And they still scared her. But all this matchmaking business shocked her even more. She knew she was working with her own peoples history and values in the background, assuming a marriage was to be entered into on grounds of mutual affection only. But of course humans were an emotional species, while Vulcans clearly were not. Just because humans needed emotional warmth and love in their relationships, Vulcans not necessarily did. Projecting the values and rules of one's own species was just one of the most commonly made mistakes when dealing with other species. The value system and needs of another species could be completely different from human values and needs.

But all her insights didn't change her frustration and anger with the whole situation. She felt mortified when thinking about having to sit in on Spock meeting another woman. And logical or not, she somewhat resented him for not having found a way to avert this meeting, at least until they had sorted out their relationship. Intellectually she understood why he had to go along with it. But this didn't change anything about the ugly snake called jealousy rearing her head somewhere deep down in the back of Althea's most ignored part of her mind.


	8. Chapter 8

**Saturday, 21st September 2272**

**20 days left**

Althea knew she wasn't exactly adhering to her usual style of business attire when dressing on Saturday morning. But she simply didn't feel like wearing one of her normal conservative and sombre business outfits but instead chose to wear the elegant knee length black light weight wool dress Emma had once persuaded her to buy and which she had only worn once before. Usually she wasn't exactly a dress kind of person, but today she somehow felt she needed to hold her own.

The dress had three quarter length sleeves with little velvet cuffs, a rather high neckline with a velvet collar, a fitted bodice with a double breasted row of velvet buttons bellow the bust stopping at the waistline, where the skirt widened to flow down gracefully. She rummaged through her shoe closet, searching for her pair of black suede shoes, which she knew she would regret wearing later due to their high heels.

She took her moss green coat, leaving it open over her dress, smoothing her hair for one last time and rechecking her make-up. For one second she wondered if it wasn't a little bit bitchy of her to dress up like this to sit in on Spock's meeting with T'Lara. But then she decided she simply didn't care if her choice of dress somehow smelled of a little revenge. She thought she had every right to be at least a little bit bitchy. She would be perfectly polite and unobtrusive in her behaviour, but who could blame her for putting on a little visual display. And it wasn't as of she had dressed provocatively. She simply had dressed a little bit more elegant and feminine than she usually did. For all she knew she might even be wasting all her efforts because no one was going to notice anyway.

However when she arrived at the embassy meeting Spock in his parent's official reception room she knew her efforts had not been wasted. His eyebrow arched up slightly, but he did not comment on her dress. She held his gaze without flinching, challenging him to say something. But he simply inclined his head.

"Ms. Parker, I am most grateful you could find the time to accompany me."

"You are most welcome, Commander Spock." she replied just as formal with only the slightest hint at irony in her voice.

Their eyes locked his pride for a second fighting with hers. But then Soran entered the room and they both turned to greet him as if nothing had happened.

"S'haile Spock, Althea." Soran greeted them both.

They inclined their heads on return. "Soran."

"The flitter is ready and waiting at the gates. We can depart anytime." Soran continued.

Spock nodded once. "Very well." Without another word he strode towards the door, his formal Vulcan robes swirling impressively around him.

Althea and Soran looked at each other for a second, then falling in behind Spock. They both knew their role for the day was essentially a quiet and unobtrusive one.

"You look very well today." Soran quietly said to Althea.

A little smile tucked had the corners of her mouth. "Thank you, Soran. You look quite impressive yourself." Soran like Spock had donned robes with his clan's insignia, albeit Soran's robes weren't quite as formal as Spock's.

Soran nodded his thanks. Then they both returned their attention to Spock's back in front of them.

_How striking he looks in his robes_, Althea thought. _Very dignified. And very imposing._ She sighted inwardly. She obviously wasn't the only one who had dressed to impress.

They rode in silence in the embassy flitter. Soran and Spock had both brought PADDs with work for their thirty minute drive to the shuttle port. Althea resorted to reading their schedule again.

T'Lara was to arrive at 9:25 am at the San Francisco shuttle port from Lunar Port, where her space liner had docked 32 minutes earlier. They were to pick her up and return to the embassy to let her store away her luggage. After that Spock was to give her a tour of the embassy, after which they were to take a light midday meal at one of San Francisco's finest vegetarian restaurants. Following midday meal they were to take T'Lara on a sightseeing tour of San Francisco, finally returning to the embassy again for last meal. At this point, Althea's and Soran's part of the whole endeavor would come to an end, since by that time Amanda and Sarek were to have returned from Paris. Well, and after that, Althea had already arranged to meet with Emma for after-work cocktails. She was pretty sure that by night she would be in dire need of a drink or two.

The shuttle from Lunar Port was on time and Althea and Soran unobtrusively waited a few steps behind Spock for T'Lara's arrival. A certain tension filled the air as they waited for the Vulcan woman to appear.

Althea couldn't help but feeling quite insignificant when T'Lara finally approached them. To her the Vulcan woman was simply striking. She was tall and slender, her long black hair swept up in an elaborate traditional Vulcan updo and her figure gracefully accentuated by her Vulcan robes. Althea noticed several men quite a few women too staring openly at T'Lara.

Spock and T'Lara greeted each other with the ta'al, then Spock turned towards Soran and Althea. "These are Soran, my father's aid, and Ms. Althea Parker, my mother's aid. They will accompany us until my parents return from Paris tonight."

"Dif-tor heh smusma, Soran and Ms. Parker." T'Lara greeted them.

"Sochya eh dif." Both Soran and Althea replied.

Althea simply wished she could disappear when Soran and she were following Spock and T'Lara out of the shuttle port to their flitter. But she forced herself to stay calm and professional. There was nothing, absolutely nothing she would gain from loosing it now.

* * *

Spock clearly felt Althea shutting down her emotions even more as they were leaving the shuttle port. She had dressed up in a somewhat different style to anything he had seen her wear so far. From his experience he knew this to be a way of human women to enhance their self-confidence. But he had also gotten a sense of defiance from her as they had met at the embassy this morning.

Spock knew she hated the situation she had been put into. And he had to concede he did not appreciate it either. T'Lara clearly was scrutinizing him as a potential bondmate, while he had difficulties to give his full attention to her. A part of his mind remained focused on Althea and the tiny bits of information on her state of mind he could glimpse through their nearly shut-down bond.

Spock knew he was hurting Althea by his actions, although he never had intended to do so or could have foreseen the situation they had been place in. The probability of such an event occurring was negligibly small. Nevertheless, it had occurred.

Spock decided to retreat to save grounds in his conversation with T'Lara for now. Since T'Lara was an astrophysicist and he himself had been engaged in astrophysical studies aboard _Enterprise_, they started to discuss their respective research. If T'Lara and he should not be able to discuss their mutual research interests in a way satisfying for both it was most unlikely they would be able to harmonize in other respects.

* * *

Soran and Althea were seated two tables down from T'Lara and Spock for their midday meal at L'Assiette Verte on the waterfront of the Marina District. The tour of the Vulcan embassy had passed rather uneventful with Spock showing T'Lara around the staff and guest campus as well as the representational area. T'Lara was especially intrigued by the use of terran plants to create a Vulcan garden. T'Lara and Spock had compared the embassy's garden to the gardens at their respective Vulcan homes. They discussed the various styles for gardens that were popular on Vulcan, finally settling on visiting the Golden Gate Park and the Japanese Tea Garden there in the afternoon to get a look at two examples of terran gardens.

Now they all were waiting for their lunch. T'Lara and Spock had returned to their previous subject of astrophysics. To Althea they rather appeared like colleagues discussing work than two people meant to marry each other. They hadn't touched on anything personal so far. The most personal thing had been the discussion about the gardens of their respective ancestral homes.

She had only spent one afternoon and one evening with Spock, but they had discussed a multitude of subjects, freely exchanging opinions and views. But the Spock she had talked to was completely different from the man she saw sitting over there at the other table. He seamed even more emotionally controlled than most other Vulcans she had ever met. But in all his control he still moved gracefully, almost regally. There was no stiffness about him and his whole behavior was perfectly mirrored by T'Lara.

Althea felt her stomach clench. For the first time in all her life with all her travels to different planets, with her time studying on Vulcan and working at the Vulcan embassy she simply felt alien and out of place. She was so different from T'Lara. And Spock suddenly felt very, very alien too.

How could they be graceful in such a situation? Was this the normal way how marriages were brokered and prospective spouses met?

"Althea?" Soran saying her name interrupted her train of thoughts.

"Yes?" she returned her attention back to him.

"You appear to be quite distracted today." Soran stated.

Althea tried to smile. "I probably am. I'm sorry, Soran. I didn't mean to be impolite."

"I do not perceive your behavior as impolite. Only as somewhat troubling. In my experience such behavior as yours suggests something is troubling the individual concerned. Is something troubling you?"

"As much as I hate to admit it, something is indeed troubling me. But this is no excuse to be impolite."

"Perhaps I may be of assistance with your trouble." Soran suggested.

Althea shook her head. "That's very nice of you, but my troubles are something I have to solve on my own."

Soran looked at her, then nodded once. "I have perceived humans tend to resort to distraction if they cannot address their troubles. I could endeavor to distract you."

This brought an honest smile to Althea's face. "If a human would try to distract another human from their problems, he would not announce his intentions. We would simply proceed."

"I understand. Are there any customary topics of conversation for the purpose of distracting someone?"

"No, there are not. You could use something of particular interest to the troubled human. Or you could try to divert him or her by taking him or her out on activities. You could go to the movies, a party, a concert. Or you could do sports. It actually depends on the troubled individual which works best."

"So, since I cannot take you out on an activity, I could only try to distract you by conversation." Soran concluded.

"Quite right. In our current situation there remains only this one option."

"I guess this situation is rather unusual for a human woman."

Althea snorted. "Oh yes! I can't imagine anyone else has ever been in my position."

"I cannot recall another human was ever asked to be a chaperon on a bondmate meeting. Meetings like this are generally very rare among adults, and if they take place nowadays they are usually unchaperoned. There is a very high probability that you are right with your statement."

"To me all this is very confusing. The concept of arranged marriages, even marriages arranged among children, is nothing unknown to humans. But we have abandoned this particular custom, since we have come to believe in the individual's free choice concerning their life. And we have come to believe it does more harm than good to arrange marriages. But this is my own, culturally prejudiced and very subjective view. In this particular area my knowledge of Vulcan culture, custom and ... well everything else concerning this matter is at best superficial."

"You are troubled about the Vulcan custom of arranging marriages?"

"I would rather say my reason is in conflict with my emotional take of the situation. I believe I have a very, very vague idea about the reason why almost every Vulcan I know is bonded. And I can understand this reason, intellectually. But still my very emotional and subjective human side makes me wonder if most Vulcan couples are... are content." Althea sighted. "I'm probably breaking a million taboos right now."

Soran cocked his head. "You are concerned about the general well-being of bonded Vulcan couples?"

"I'm sorry, Soran, I shouldn't have said anything. This is my cultural experience speaking, not my reason. I rally shouldn't extrapolate from my culture to yours."

"You need not apologize. I took no offense. I find your views rather interesting. It indeed is a topic most Vulcans would not discuss."

"But you would?" Althea asked tentatively.

"To certain extend."

They looked at each other for a moment. "May I ask you, do most Vulcan bondings work out?" Althea finally took courage to ask.

"Work out? I do not know this phrase." Soran looked questioningly at her.

"Are most Vulcan couples content in their bond?" Althea rephrased.

"There are quite a high percentage of successful bondings. But not all bondings are and not every pair remains bonded."

For a moment their eyes met, exchanging unspoken information.

"I see." Althea said. "I sincerely hope you and your bondmate are content." She almost whispered.

"Rest assured. T'Mar and I are most gratified of each other's company."

"I am happy for you and T'Mar." Althea's gaze returned to Spock and T'Lara, loosing herself in her thoughts again. They were still talking about astrophysics.

Soran only raised an eyebrow. _How very interesting._

* * *

Soran and Althea quietly sat through another six hours of astrophysical discussions interwoven with short explanations and tales of the various sights they visited during the afternoon. Althea simply couldn't help wondering where the Spock she had come to know had disappeared to. This man she was seeing right now, completely controlled with no other interest than going over some scientific problem for hours on end, was a complete stranger to her. She thought she couldn't have more than five minutes of conversation with this man before getting stuck and being bored out of her mind. But T'Lara and Spock never even had so much as one little hitch in their conversation.

Althea couldn't help wondering who Spock really was. To whom was he presenting a mask? To her or to T'Lara? Or were these simply two different sides of him? One the one hand there was this über-Vulcan he was being right now. On the other hand there was his more relaxed self which actually permitted a glimpse on his human heritage despite him following Vulcan traditions. Or had he simply been feigning some more human reactions and behavior patterns for her benefit? No, she didn't think so. She never had sensed anything which even remotely had felt like insincerity from Spock. This whole thing was so confusing.

Althea felt profoundly relieved when they finally arrived back at the embassy after their sightseeing tour and Amanda and Sarek took over Soran's and her part in this strange and exhausting affair.

Althea was already crossing the main entrance hall of the embassy headed directly for the exit when she heard steps coming after her.

"Althea!" Amanda called out, making Althea stop in her tracks and turning around.

"Yes?" she asked, carefully keeping her face impassive.

"How did it go?" Amanda asked, maneuvering Althea into one of the niches at the side of the hall.

"Well, I really don't know." Althea answered truthfully. "I've never been part of such a thing. I don't know how they are supposed to go." She sincerely hoped Amanda wouldn't keep her long or asked her any more questions. She had no desire at all to discuss this with anyone at all.

"What were they talking about?" Amanda inquired.

"Um, astrophysics most of the time." Althea felt mortified. She didn't want to answer these questions. It felt like a breach of trust. It had been worse enough to actually sit through it all, she only wanted to leave and forget about it.

"Nothing else?" Amanda wanted to know.

"They talked about some of the sights we visited and the embassy's gardens, but besides that it was mostly astrophysics and science." Althea had to stop herself from squirming under Amanda's inquisitive gaze.

Amanda sighted. "I am only trying to find out if Spock and T'Lara have some kind of... connection to each other. I want my son to be happy, whatever it is he decides to do."

"I'm really in no kind of position to judge if they... connected."

Amanda nodded. "I'm sorry for putting you in this rather awkward position, but I'm really gratefully you agreed to doing this." Amanda sighted again. "I have to return. Enjoy your weekend, Althea."

Althea simply nodded in response. "Good evening, Amanda."

Althea remained seated for another minute after Amanda was gone. She felt almost felt sick. And she desperately needed those cocktails Emma had promised her for later. This whole day simply had been too much. Her brain felt like it was about to snap any minute.

* * *

Emma smiled when she saw Althea approaching, waving her over to their small table in the corner of the cocktail bar, where they had arranged to meet. "Hey, you got all dressed up. Do you have special plans for tonight?" Emma teased.

"No, actually I came straight from work." Althea shook her head and took her seat opposite of Emma.

"You went to work like this?" Emma looked at Althea with mock horror. "To the all-so-serious Vulcan embassy?"

"In fact I did." Althea sighted inwardly. She had known, Emma would comment about her outfit. But she had had no time to go home and change.

"Why?" Emma asked.

"Why not?" Althea retorted.

"Because you don't like wearing skirts or dresses for work, because you believe trousers are more serious. And because I practically had to force you to buy this dress." Emma raised both her eyebrows at Althea.

"Maybe I just felt like wearing a dress today." Even to Althea's own ears this sounded rather lame.

Emma scrutinized her friend. "Or you wanted to impress someone..."

"Can't I simply wear a dress for the fun of it?" Althea tried to evade Emma's gaze.

"Of course you can, but I don't think you did." She paused for a moment. "Come on! Spill it."

Althea felt her cheeks growing hot and probably very red.

"I knew it!" Emma exclaimed. "You are blushing."

Althea turned even redder. Then she sighted heavily. "Maybe there is someone. And maybe it's all one huge mess."

Emma's face fell, when she heard the distress in Althea's voice. "He isn't married or something like that?"

Althea almost snorted. _Married to me._ "No, he is not." Then she craned her head, looking for the waitress. "I really would like to have a cocktail now."

"Uh-oh, that bad?" Emma asked.

"Worse. I could just get totally wasted, except that I can't see the sense in suffering from alcohol poisoning as well as from my really screwed up no-love life."

"You know, you start to sound like a Vulcan sometimes." Emma paused suddenly. "Oh dear, it isn't a Vulcan, is it?"

Althea didn't answer, but hailed the waitress again, this time successfully. But after they had ordered their food and drinks, Emma mercilessly returned to their previous subjects thereby dashing all Althea's hopes she might have forgotten her last question over the process of ordering.

"Ally, is it a Vulcan? Someone from the embassy?"

Althea gave up. She knew Emma wouldn't let her rest in peace until she had her answer. "Yes, it is a Vulcan, but not someone from the embassy. It's someone I met years ago, when I lived on Vulcan. I just happened to meet him again a few days ago."

"So you are in love with a Vulcan and he..."

"I don't know if I'm in love with him." Althea interrupted Emma. "That's what I'm trying to figure out. And about him, I really don't know, how he thinks about me."

"You don't know if you are in love?" Emma gave her friend THE eye. "You dress up for him, you want to get drunk because of him,... well to me this sounds like you are."

Althea was very grateful that the waitress chose this exact moment to bring them their drinks. She gratefully took her Mojito and stirred it a little with her straw before taking her first rather large sip.

She absentmindedly watched the ice cubes and mint leaves floating in her cocktail and thought about Spock. What did she feel when she thought of him? She had to smile when she thought of their evening at the restaurant and the museum. It had been so much fun just talking about everything and nothing. She felt afraid when she thought of all the implications of a Vulcan marriage. But she also was curious about it. And when she thought of their night in the library on Vulcan and all the unbelievably sensual experiences of it, her heart rate inevitably accelerated and she knew she was blushing. But then she felt pain again when she thought of him spending the whole day with T'Lara. And she seriously wondered how it would feel to touch him again and to kiss him again. And she suddenly realized how much she wanted to kiss and touch him.

"Earth to Althea!"

With a jolt Althea returned her attention to Emma. "Sorry..."

"You were miles away." Emma looked slightly concerned.

"I was just thinking about what you just said. And I think you are right. I _am_ in love with him." There. She had finally said it. But it only made her feel even more miserable.

"You don't look happy at all." Emma stated, wrinkling her brows.

"It's, because I am not happy." Althea took another sip of her cocktail.

"What's the problem?" Emma wanted to know, her concern showing clearly on her face.

Althea bit on her lip. If there was only one problem! "It's all such a big mess; I don't even know where to begin."

"Then begin at the beginning. Where did you meet?" Emma drank from her Golden Cadillac.

Althea hoped she wasn't turning flaming red by now. "Five years ago, at the VSA."

"So he is also a linguist?" Emma prompted.

"No, he actually studied physics and computer sciences, but not at the VSA but here in San Francisco at Starfleet Academy. When I met him he was already an officer on a star ship. He still is."

"What did he do at the VSA then?"

"He was just visiting. He had to attend to an urgent family matter."

"Now you're just sounding like a Vulcan again. _Attend to an urgent family matter_."

Althea flushed. She couldn't possibly tell Emma the whole truth. She couldn't tell her about _pon farr_.

"Your work environment definitely rubs off." Emma continued, teasing her friend a little. "And now you met that guy again. How did that happen?"

"He was at that reception last weekend. We met there by chance, started to talk and then we met again to go to a museum together."

"You already went out together? Are you meeting him again?"

"I think so. We said we would."

"But then, why are you unhappy? You are already dating him?" Emma sounded rather confused.

Althea sighted. "It's not that easy. On Vulcan these things are handled differently."

"I can imagine that. Vulcan's are logical and controlled, nothing like us overly emotional humans. But you told me and I believe you, they have emotions. They only control them. So what exactly is your problem? What is handled differently and how?" Emma looked expectantly at her friend.

"Usually Vulcan children are betrothed at the age of seven. Their parents choose their future husband or wife based on psychological profiles, common interests and general compatibility of the children involved." Althea started to explain.

"But you already said he wasn't married." Emma interrupted.

"He is not. It happens that parents decide not to betroth their children. Or a child dies. Or while growing up, the children decide otherwise. However, for most Vulcan families the marriage of one of their members is an important thing. Usually not only the parents but also the clan elders get involved when a Vulcan is looking for a husband or wife. Some families are more strict and traditional than others. And it just happens that my particular Vulcan is under rather large pressure from his clan elders to marry an appropriate Vulcan wife of similar social standing."

For a moment Emma looked at Althea rather shocked. "I had no idea about that." Emma finally managed.

"Most people don't know that." Althea said. "How could they? It's not something Vulcans tend to talk about."

"So basically you are telling me, that, even if your Vulcan would like to be with you, it might not be possible for you two to be together." Emma recapped.

Althea nodded. "Yes. Even if he likes me, he might get into big trouble for it. But I don't even know if he might love me. And on top of it all, I just had to watch him meeting one of those eligible Vulcan women today. His clan elder actually sent one here to meet him."

"Oh boy!" Emma looked horrified.

"Yea, oh boy..." Althea took her cocktail and raised her glass in mockery.

Emma only shook her head. "What are you going to do now?"

"Honestly? I haven't the slightest idea."

Emma looked at her friend. "It sounds as if there isn't much you can do."


	9. Chapter 9

**Sunday, 22nd September 2272**

**19 days left**

Spock had finally given up on his futile attempts to meditate. He put on one of his warmer robes and ventured out into the night onto the balcony adjoining his bed room. It was well past midnight and he positioned himself near the balustrade looking up into the sky. As a child he had found the stars to have a calming effect on his mind. And they had retained this capacity through his adolescence and his adulthood, even though his skills in the art of meditation had improved over the years and his need for their calming effect of the stars had decreased accordingly.

For the greater part of the day he had sensed almost nothing from Althea. She had instinctively shut down their bond. Her behavior had been controlled and professional throughout the whole day. She had been perfectly polite, sometimes even courteous to T'Lara. Nevertheless Spock had been under the distinct impression she had been increasingly distressed by the situation.

Spock tried to refocus his thoughts on T'Lara. He knew he would be expected to give his opinion of her to T'Pau on Monday. T'Lara was an intelligent, aesthetically pleasing, well-mannered woman. They had conducted a very intellectually stimulating discussion on various astrophysical topics. She had been open and curious about his human heritage as well, which evidently was an improvement over T'Pring.

He wondered how it would be to be bound to a woman like T'Lara. He remembered his bond to T'Pring which had been cool and unobtrusive. In contrast to that his bond to Althea was much more vibrant, albeit he knew they were both holding back. Again he tested along its line, wondering if Althea had finally reopened their connection. He started to feel concerned about her shutting him out like this. How was she even able to do it without any mental training?

Spock further concentrated on Althea's presence in his mind. Despite his not picking up on her mood her presence still was strong. If she had been ill he would have known. However her absence started to disquiet him. Again he tugged at their bond, still getting no response.

Still, how could he be sure this state of their bond didn't mean something was wrong? There was almost no data available on Vulcan-human bonds. All his teachings on bonds had been solely focused on Vulcan-Vulcan bonds. He could either ask his father on the subject, which however would require him telling him why he needed this particular information. Or he could simply go and find out if she was well. The second option evidently seemed to be the preferable avenue to him.

Twenty minutes later Spock stood in front of Althea's apartment building, pressing the buzzer to her flat. He had to activate it several times, before he got any reaction, concern rising in him.

"Who is there? Don't you know how late it is?" Althea's voice finally came over the speaker.

"It's Spock. And it is exactly 2:21 am." Spock answered. Obviously his disquiet over her closing down their bond had been unfounded.

"What the hell are you doing her at this ungodly hour?" Althea sounded agitated.

"I wanted to assure you are well." he replied calmly.

For several seconds he could only hear the low humming of the activated intercom. "Why?" her voice came back after a while.

"The nature of our bond changed which could indicate illness or other kinds of afflictions." he truthfully answered.

"Are you crazy?" she asked.

"I can assure you I am not." he replied. "May I come up or do you prefer to continue this conversation over the house intercom?"

The low humming returned, finally cut of by the sound of the door opener.

Althea waited for Spock at her door, wearing a pair of sweat pants and an oversized T-shirt, her hair somewhat disheveled. She gestured Spock in without saying a word, closing the door behind him again. They finally faced each other in her living room.

"I am gratified you are well." Spock stated.

Althea just stared at him. "What the hell were you talking about, the nature of our bond changed?"

"It decreased in intensity, which can be due to illness." he explained.

"And that is why you show up at my home in the middle of the night?" She wasn't sure what to make of this.

"I just stated that." he confirmed.

"Okay." She knitted her brows together. "Why?"

He arched one eyebrow. "I was concerned about your health."

"Why?"

His eyebrow disappeared in his hairline. "We are bonded."

She stared at him. "I know that. But that doesn't necessarily mean you care for me. Does it? I mean, you just made me sit through your date with another woman and now you are showing up on my doorstep in the freaking middle of the fucking night, telling me you are concerned about my well being. I am tired, I am still a little bit intoxicated and I am god dam hurt. So please, just go away."

Spock's eyes focused on her. "I sincerely regret that my actions have caused you distress. I never intended them to do so."

Althea was too tired to keep her reactions in check. "This day was absolutely horrible for me! I intellectually understand that you couldn't do much about the situation. And I know I am as much at fault as you are. But I am exhausted from all this. And I find I cannot stand you meeting other women for the sole purpose of choosing a wife. I care too much about you and it hurts too much. In this case I can't follow logic. I simply can't. As much as I want to, I can't change who I am. I am an emotional human and I am simply unable to do the logical thing right now."

Spock saw her shoulders sag as if in defeat. And he suddenly felt a wave of pain and anger rushing towards him. It almost made him stumble. But underneath it all he sensed something else. Something more. Something greater. Something warm and caring which however was restrained by her anguish and fury.

"Althea..." he began.

She lifted her head, holding her hand up to stop him from talking. "I cannot discuss this right now. Please go. Please, just leave me alone."

"Do you truly wish for me to go?" He caught her gaze with his eyes.

She looked at him intently. "It's not what I wish. But it's the sensible thing to do. Neither of us seems to be in a rational state right now. So whatever we might do now we might regret later."

Spock lifted one eyebrow returning her gaze, contemplating her. He felt waves of contradicting and jumbled emotions coming from her. Her emotions were confusing to him, even disorientating. "I see your logic." he finally conceded.

A tiny smile tucked at the corners of her mouth. "I don't feel logical at all. I feel like hell and I'm barely holding on to my reason. So please go before I embarrass myself. And you."

"Very well," he conceded. "I will leave. I have come to ascertain you are well and at least I could assure myself of your bodily wellbeing." He took a step towards the exit. "May I come to visit tomorrow afternoon?"

She knitted her brow together, contemplating him. Then she nodded. "Yes, you may."

Spock inclined his head. "I will contact you at midday with the exact time."

Again she nodded. "Go home now."

"Sleep well." he said.

Althea only snorted slightly and ushered him out of the door. The instant he was beyond the threshold she closed the door on him.

He did not leave immediately, but remained standing outside her door. The onslaught of her raw emotions through the suddenly reopened bond had shaken his emotional control, which he had to rebuild before returning to the embassy. A human most likely would not know the difference but a Vulcan would notice his fraying controls immediately.

His ears picked up Althea's breathing on the other side of the door. Then a low thud against the door originating at the height of her back and the subsequent change of point of origin of her breathing indicated to him, she had let herself fall against the door and then slid down to sit on the floor.

For another minute he listened to her regular breathing, at the same time trying to calm himself and to regain full control. However calm and control eluded him. He would take a longer route back to the embassy, probably even would stop for a short mediation.

When he left Althea's apartment building the cool night air instantly helped him to regain some of his previously lost control. He carefully placed the bond with Althea in a separate part of his mind. However, he was mindful not to close it down or even dampen it. Still, he had to separate it from the rest of his mind, because he was keenly aware that her emotions flowing uncontrolled into his mind were part of the reason for his imbalance.

Spock started to walk home through the quiet streets. He wondered what had compelled him to seek Althea out in the middle of the night. Her closing down of the bond clearly had unsettled him. His logic had been flawed by assuming her absence from his mind probably meant bodily harm had befallen her. The odds of this eventuality having taken place had only been 34,005,905.87 to 1, not factoring in minor injuries as paper cuts, small bruises or the like.

He looked at his bond with Althea again. Something had changed. He clearly could sense different emotions coming from her than before. She had been unsettled and confused, even afraid, but also curious. Now he felt pain and anger, anxiousness and... exultation. And beneath that exultation lay something else. A warmth and tenderness that reached out to him.

He felt drawn in by her emotions. He was tempted to connect to her softness and affection. But he drew back, not daring to go any further. He was concerned to compromise her privacy and to hurt her even more than he obviously already had. As it was, his logic was apparently compromised. He could not rely on making the right decision.

He carefully refocused his mind on his mental controls, putting them firmly back in place. It would not do for him to present a less than perfect picture to his family and T'Lara in the morning. He had to concentrate on going through the morning with his parents and T'Lara. After completing this meeting with T'Pau's chosen bondmate he could return to evaluating his relationship with Althea.

* * *

Amanda sat in their living room, absentmindedly sipping a cup of tea while looking out of the window. She had observed T'Lara and Spock closely during the last evening and the whole morning, trying to find out if a bonding between them had any changes of success. But however long she thought about it, her guts just told her, it had not.

Amanda sighted. If they had to be colleagues or even friends, she could have seen it. But she could not see them in a happy and fulfilling bonding. She simply could not.

Her hand tightened around her cup. She had lived for more years than not according to Vulcan rules and standards. She had agreed to raise her son according to Vulcan customs and traditions. She knew it was necessary for him to have a bondmate. But she resented the fact that her son most likely was to be trapped in a loveless marriage out of pure necessity.

She suppressed the urge to smash the fragile porcelain tea cup on the floor. Nothing would be gained by it except a tea stain on the carpet.

Even though Vulcans might never admit it, a successful marriage bond heavily depended on an emotional commitment between husband and wife. Only those that cherished each other succeeded in building a life together. But there were also many couples who only met every seven years with children of that union growing up with only one parent. Or those couples, for whom marriage was only a partnership of convenience to share the burdens of live, but nothing more.

Amanda had hoped for Spock to find a wife who loved him and whom he loved in return. But her wishes and entreaties obviously had not been heard by fate.

Amanda had intended to talk to Spock about his meeting with T'Lara. But shortly after they had arrived back at the embassy after they had accompanied T'Lara to the Shuttleport he had excused himself to meditate. He had gone outside, disappearing into the shrubberies. He had been out there for over four hours now.

* * *

Spock hesitated for a moment before activating the buzzer to Althea's flat. Illogical, he chided himself. Why should he hesitate? They had an appointment.

He had not to wait long for her to answer and she signaled him through immediately. Only fife minutes later he sat on Althea's couch with her placing a cup of tea in his hands. They had done nothing more than to exchange quite formal and stiff greetings so far. A decidedly awkward mood filled the air.

"I trust you are well again." Spock finally began.

"I am better." Althea took a small sip of tea from her cup. "I am gratified by your concern last night. However, it would have been sufficient if you'd just have called me."

"Would you have answered?" he asked.

Althea hesitated for a moment. "Probably not." she then conceded.

Silence settled over the room again. Only the quiet clattering of the china and the soft rustle of fabric broke the silence now and then. Althea looked at Spock expectantly. She had no intention of making this any easier for him. She needed to get an impression about where he stood in this matter before she wanted to do or said anything. She couldn't simply blurt it all out, could she? After all he was Vulcan...

"I regret, that this situation of ours causes you distress." Spock finally began. "I was unaware of it until you choose to close our bond."

Althea looked at him, trying to read anything from their bond. She could feel his concern for her but nothing else beyond it. "I thought I could handle your search for another bondmate, but obviously I cannot. Having to sit through your meeting with T'Lara was in fact... distressing for me."

Spock could feel her fighting for control through the bond. She still seemed to be in turmoil and he had to admire her control which permitted it to her to appear outwardly calm and almost composed. "I never intended for this to happen. And I never intended it to distress you."

She nodded. "I know that. And I do not blame you." She hesitated. "Well, I do not blame you intellectually as I understand the situation you are in and the pressure you are under." She closed her eyes, taking a deep breath. "However, I find it difficult to accept that you are meeting other women for the sole purpose of..." She could not bring herself to complete the sentence, so she only opened her eyes again and looked directly at Spock.

He returned her gaze unflinching, trying to read from her eyes and their bond what she had wanted to convey with this statement. Could she not accept it and intended to end their bond? Or could she not accept it because she ... cared for him. Her emotions were too jumbled and too confused for him to say. He simply could not understand her. "Please explain." he finally said.

She felt the color drain from her face. Explain? How could she explain this? "What is it you don't understand?" She suddenly felt very, very hopeless.

Spock felt a wave of distress hitting him. He did not understand why he kept distressing her. He had no intention of doing so but he clearly failed. He was not able to protect her from harm. "Why did my meeting with T'Lara distress you in such a way? It is not logical, since you know the circumstances."

Althea felt anger boiling up inside of her. Logical? What the hell had logic to do with all this? But she forced her anger down. She felt he truly did not understand. She could feel his doubts about what she meant to say. But how could she explain it without telling him she believed she loved him? But she had to try. "I felt hurt by it and it... irritated me. Immensely."

Spock cocked his head, pondering her. "Why did it irritate you?"

Althea bit down on her lower lip and sighted inwardly. Couldn't he just let it go? "I find it rather difficult to explain this, because..." she paused for a second."...it concerns my emotions for you. It seams I became somewhat attached to you and I found I cared too much for your well-being to be indifferent enough to be comfortable with being yours and T'Lara's chaperon."

Spock lifted one eyebrow. She had indeed felt distress because she cared about him. But he could not tell how much she cared. And it was quite unsettling to be unable to determine the extend of her care for him. Had she been Vulcan he could have simply asked her. However his experiences with human social customs led him to believe that this course of action would not be advisable with a human female. "The turnout of events was indeed quite unfortunate. I regret you were subjected to witnessing my meeting with T'Lara. However, I am deeply gratified by your concern for my well-being"

"Did the situation not bother you the least bit?" She scrutinized his face for any hint of an expression but she could see nothing there.

"It did not _bother_ me, but I have to concede I found it rather disagreeable as well." His gaze was firmly fixed on her eyes.

Althea turned her attention to her cup of tea in her hands, somewhat unsettled by his unflinching gaze. "Is it possible for you to avoid any further meetings of potential bondmates as long as you stay on earth?"

Spock took a sip of his tea, calculating the probability for achieving what she asked him. It most likely would require some creative thinking on his part but there was a high enough probability he would be able to accomplish it. "I will endeavor to do so, but I cannot guarantee success."

She nodded. "I can accept that." Althea then placed her cup on the table between them. "May I ask you a personal question?"

Spock looked at her curiously. "You may."

"Did you like her? T'Lara, I mean."

Spock's eyebrows both shot up into his hairline. "I fail to see how this may be of interest to you?"

Althea looked at Spock in disbelief. "If you find you like her and decided to bond with her rather than remain bonded with me, of course this would of interest to me."

"I do not intend to consider any other bondmate until we have decided on the continuation or discontinuation of our bond." he stated without hesitation.

Althea sank back in her seat. "I didn't know that. I thought you might break our bond if you found someone more... suitable than me."

Spock suddenly believed he understood Althea's cause of distress. "You were under the impression T'Lara was competing with you for me as a bondmate."

"If you like to put it that way. Yes, I thought of her as competition. And I don't think it is possible to separate your meeting potential other bondmates from our situation. It might very well happen you find one of them... fascinating and on that ground decide to end our bond."

Spock inclined his head. From a logical standpoint she was right. He wondered how he had failed to consider this possibility. "Even though I found my discussions with T'Lara quite stimulating and interesting I do not think of her as more _fascinating_ as you are."

She felt herself blushing slightly. "I see." At a loss what else to do or say, she picked up her cup again, turning it in her hands and concentrating on the warmth radiating from it into her hands. Not more fascinating than her. But did this mean less or equally fascinating?

"Althea, would you care to join me for a walk and perhaps share dinner with me afterwards." Spock asked. He had observed humans tended to either walk or eat if emotionally disturbed. Perhaps engaging in these activities might help to ease Althea's distress over recent events.

She seamed to ponder his suggestion for a moment before nodding. "I would like to do that."

As if on cue Spock raised from his seat. "Very well. We may leave for Golden Gate Park then."

Althea smiled. Trust a Vulcan to put something into practice immediately. "Let me just remove the cups and the tea before we go." Without another word she took both their cups and the pot of tea to put them into the cleaning unit in her kitchen.

They ended up listening to a concert at the Spreckels Temple of Music. They rented a thermal blanked to sit on and quietly sat next to each other in silence while listening. Althea did not mind not talking. She utterly enjoyed being in Spock's company and feeling him close through their bond. The sun was warm on her face and she decided to simply relax for once. She lay back on the blanked, closed her eyes and just listened.

Spock studied Althea's face as she lay on the blanket. She looked tranquil and composed and he felt the peace and pleasure she experienced filtering through their bond. How very curious her emotions were. They were changing fast, presenting various layers and interconnections to him, which at times seamed to be entirely chaotic. Still they did not cease to fascinate him. How could she be outwardly calm and composed for most of the time while her inner self appeared to be in a constant emotional chaos?

When the concert ended they continued to walk at first talking about music, then about the arts and sciences in general. When they passed the Science Academy they decided to catch the last show of the historic 20th century planetarium there. They were given a brief introduction into the history of the planetarium, how it had survived the Eugenic Wars and World War III almost intact to be restored and reopened 23 years after First Contact had been made with the Vulcans.

"Have you ever been here before?" Althea asked Spock in the dark as the show was about to begin.

"I have not, even though I had been given to understand by my fellow cadets at Starfleet Academy that this place was one of their favorite places to spent time with their friends."

"Really?" Althea was surprised. "I wouldn't have thought that. Why of all places would this be a favourite meeting place for cadets?"

"I have never been able to determine the reason for it." Spock replied.

"Maybe we will find out today." Althea lifted herself up a bit in her seat to get a look around. In fact she was able to see several Starfleet uniforms in the semi-darkness. When she lowered herself back in her seat she had a hard time not to laugh.

Spock had watched her scrutinizing the other members of the audience. Her sudden amusement puzzled him. "Something obviously amuses you."

She nodded, then leaned slightly over to him. "I believe I just solved the mystery. The cadets are not simply meeting friends here. They are meeting friends of the opposite sex to make out in the dark."

A low giggle escaped her as Spock's right eyebrow once again shot up. "I see."

Althea relaxed back into her seat as the show started. She could just imagine how Spock as a cadet had missed out on the subtle implications of this particular meeting place. And she couldn't help being amused about the fact that they had ended up in one of the cadet's favorite hideouts for making out.

Spock watched her containing her giggles. He felt embarrassed to have taken her here, even though feeling embarrassment was not logical. He had not been aware of the activities that took place here, so it was quite illogical to be concerned about Althea thinking he might have intended to... make out.

"It's all right. I know you didn't know." she whispered. "Let's just enjoy the show. We might even get a view of the 40 Eridani star system as seen in the 20th century."

"During the 20th century humans were only able to see Vulcan's sun." Spock replied.

"Nevertheless, I would like to see it as they saw it back then."

After the show they found a small vegetarian restaurant for dinner. "Was it difficult to be the first Vulcan in Starfleet?" Althea asked while they waited for their food.

"It was a challenge which required adaption on both sides."

"There were prejudices, I believe."

"Yes there were. However, I was able to overcome most of them. The percentage of Vulcans seeking admission into Starfleet Academy is steadily increasing ever since. As soon as a novelty becomes commonplace prejudices tend to decrease in emotional species. As soon as they get accustomed to the previously unknown and no longer perceive it as a threat they are more willing to accept it."

"I remember when I told at home I had won a scholarship to the Vulcan Science Academy. Some people asked me how I could even consider moving to a planet full of haughty, cold-blooded people with a serious superiority complex."

Spock looked at her questioningly. "So how could you consider it?"

She had to laugh at this. "How could you consider moving to a planet full of over-emotional, highly illogical people prone to violent outbreaks?"

"I was curious about my mother's people. And I believed Starfleet offered opportunities to explore space the Vulcan Science Academy could not. But you have not answered my question yet."

"I was curious as well. Studying Vulcanology on earth is one thing. Seeing Vulcan for myself, being able to actually observe Vulcan culture and to read the old texts in the original is something else entirely. Besides, I never believed Vulcans to be haughty or cold-blooded. Just different."

"Why did you leave then after only three months on Vulcan?"

Althea sighted. "I became ill. It seemed I reacted badly to the higher gravity and thinner air. I developed severe migraines and the healers recommended I leave Vulcan, even though they were not sure about the origin of the migraines. However, the migraines did not stop when I left Vulcan. And they did not automatically reoccur on planets with conditions similar to Vulcan. So I am no longer sure the conditions on Vulcan caused them."

"Have you ever returned to Vulcan to test your hypothesis?"

She shook her head. "No, I haven't."

"Have you seen other doctors? Or a healer at the embassy?"

"I saw a specialist here in San Francisco. But he couldn't find anything wrong with me. But I haven't seen a healer."

Spock looked at her pensively. "When did your headaches start? After we met?"

Althea furrowed her brows, blinking slowly at Spock. "After. I never had any serious headaches before we met."

Spock steepled his fingers in front of his face. "You were never prepared for a telepathic bond and our bond lay dormant for five years. It may well be your headaches were caused by your mind having difficulties to adjust to the bond."

For a moment Althea didn't know what to say. "Can you verify this?" she finally managed.

"I cannot. We would need a healer to do this. The healers on Vulcan most likely never looked for an incomplete bond." Spock said. "They would have had no reason to do so."

"We cannot see one of the embassy healers. They would have to report their findings. I could try to locate an independent healer, but I believe there are not many of them on earth. Most Vulcans use the health care provided by the embassy." Althea buried her head in her hands, then rubbed her eyes. "Christ, if only I had known. I could have stayed at the VSA."

"I regret having caused you these problems by my loss of control." Spock suddenly sat more rigidly on his chair than before.

She shook her head. "I don't blame you. What use would that be to anyone? You didn't do it deliberately. I am probably as much to blame as you are. It cannot be change now anyway."

For a moment they looked at each other silently. Then Spock nodded once. "I might be able to use my contacts in Starfleet to locate an independent Vulcan healer. I will try to do so tomorrow."

"I have some resources of my own. I'll try to come up with one as well."


	10. Chapter 10

**AN: For those of you who haven't read the revised version of the previous chapter, please go back there and reread the last section. You will be confused if you don't know the current version. But I got the feeling I rushed things too much in my first version, so I changed it! (Hope you don't hate me for it...).  
**

**Thanks to everyone who has taken an interest in my story so far! I greatly appreciate it!  
**

* * *

**Monday, 23rd September 2272**

**18 days left**

Spock felt a certain reluctance before placing his call. It would most likely result in several acerbic remarks of Dr. McCoy and might result in further teasing once he returned to Enterprise. But however disagreeable he might find this, he knew no better resource for information on Vulcan healers on earth. And if Dr. McCoy did not know one himself he most likely would be able to locate one.

It took Dr. McCoy some time to answer Spock's call. "Hey Spock, how are you? Didn't expect you to call me during shore leave."

"Good day, Doctor. I am well. However I need to ask you a favor."

Dr. McCoy paused, then hunched nearer to the com screen. "You need a favor of me? I never thought I'd live to see the day of that happening. Go on, shoot!"

Spock remained impassive. "I do not intend to shoot anyone or anything."

McCoy rolled his eyes. "You know very well what I meant. What kind of favor is it you need?"

"I need to find a Vulcan healer on earth who is not employed by the Vulcan embassy. Since you are frequently researching Vulcan physiology and comparing it to human physiology I thought it likely you might know an independent healer."

"Why do you need an independent healer? You are all right, aren't you?"

"As I have previously stated I am in perfect health. However, I need to settle a matter without it going on record with the embassy. I count on your discretion, Doctor. I believe the correct expression is: you have to trust me on this one."

McCoy looked seriously worried. "Dam it, Spock." He sighted. "Okay, I will find an independent healer for you. But you have to promise you will contact me if you need further medical assistance."

"I will contact you if need arises."

Dr. McCoy threw his hands in the air. "One day you will bring me to an early grave. I'll get to you as soon as I have something."

"I am gratified for your assistance. Spock out."

* * *

Althea stared at her computer monitor. In theory she knew how to find an independent healer. She only would have to cross reference the list of Vulcans currently staying on earth with the employee list of the embassy and the data concerning their occupation entered on their entrance visa. She knew how to access the files and conduct the search. But she could not do so without attracting any attention. She needed someone to help her with at least part of the search. But whom in the embassy could she trust with this? She couldn't risk detection.

Could she somehow ask Soran for help? If he did part of the search no one would question it. As one of the senior employees of the embassy and Sarek's personal aid his query most likely would be seen as something ordered directly by Sarek and therefore would never be investigated. But how could she do this?

Maybe she was just being too paranoid. Soran had always helped her and been kind to her. He most likely would help her just like that without asking for any reason, if only she asked him to do it and to trust her.

She quietly commed him and asked him for a short private meeting. Ten minutes later Althea sat in Soran's office, sipping at a cup of tea.

"Soran, I have to ask you for a favor."

He looked at her questioningly. "How may I be of assistance?"

"I need to find a healer who is not employed by the Vulcan embassy, but I need to find this healer without anyone knowing of it." Some part of her tensed, waiting for his reaction.

"Is something wrong with _T'Sai_ Amanda which she wishes _S'Haile_ Sarek not to know of?"

Althea shook her head. "If that would be the case I would never have come to you. Or I would, but with a different request. _Ozu_ Sarek's wife is well and nothing is amiss there. But can you please trust me on this one? I really need to find an independent healer but I am not at liberty to tell you why."

Soran scrutinized Althea for a moment. "Will I come to regret this?"

"I cannot promise you that, but I believe you won't." She kept her calm as best as she could. "You will simply be helping someone, who wishes to stay anonymous for now, to get well again. There is nothing illegal whatsoever involved in this." This was as close to the truth as she dared to be.

Again Soran looked at her, clearly weighting his options. He knew Althea Parker for five years now and in these five years she had never done anything to lose his trust. She had always been professional, trustworthy and had acted with integrity. There was no reason for him to doubt her intentions now. "Very well, I will see what I can do. I will contact you as soon as I have found an independent healer."

Althea gave Soran a sincere smile. "I appreciate it. And I will tell you everything as soon as I can."

He nodded. "I trust you are doing the logical thing."

"I am doing the best I can." Althea replied.

Three hours later she had the address of a healer in Boston. She gave the name and address to Spock who ran the healer by his own source. After Spock's source had confirmed the healer to have a good reputation, Althea did not hesitate to make an appointment. When the healer offered her an appointment in the afternoon which had been canceled by another patient she did not hesitate to take it.

* * *

Althea walked the view streets from the nearest public transporter through old-town Boston to the healers address. It was an old brownstone house in a street full of similar houses. Spock had wanted to come with her to see the healer, but she had finally persuaded him not to. He was too well known and they could not predict what would happen if they were seen outside of San Francisco together visiting a Vulcan healer who was not employed by the Vulcan embassy. They could somehow explain it been seen together in San Francisco - after all she was Amanda's personal aid - but visiting a healer in Boston.

A young human woman opened the door when Althea rang the bell.

"How may I help you?" the young woman asked.

"My name is Althea Parker. I've come to see Healer T'Qun." Althea stated.

"Ah, yes." The woman nodded. "Please come in. T'Qun is expecting you. I'm Maja Hernandez, T'Qun's assistant."

Althea followed Ms. Hernandez through the entrance hall to the back of the house to the healer's office. Maja Hernandez knocked once on the door, then opened it.

"T'Sai, Ms. Parker has arrived." she announced in Vulcan.

"Send her in, Maja-kam." T'Qun's voice sounded commanding but at the same time somewhat kind.

Ms. Hernandez motioned Althea to enter the office, who passed the other woman with a nod. "Thank you."

Althea did not know what she had expected a Vulcan healer's office on earth would look like, probably almost the same from one on Vulcan, but she most certainly had not anticipated what she was seeing right now. The whole room looked like something taken directly out of a Victorian novel. At first sight the healer in her robes looked strangely out of place behind the dark, heavy wooden desk with its green leather inset. But then she noticed several Vulcan objects blending in perfectly with their Victorian surroundings and everything suddenly seemed perfectly suited and arranged.

Althea offered the _ta'al_ to T'Qun. "Live long and prosper, Healer T'Qun." she said in Vulcan.

T'Qun returned the _ta'al_. "Peace and long life to you, Ms. Parker." She motioned for Althea to sit down in the old chair opposite of the desk. "How may I be of assistance to you?"

Althea hesitated for the fraction of a second. She had thought about how to present this to the healer but she suddenly found everything she had come up with inadequate. Probably the best course of action was to simply state her problem and wait for the healer to ask her questions. "I recently was given to understand that the formation of a marriage bond can have undesired side effects on an untrained mind. Since the formation of my bond five years ago I have experienced severe migraines. I wish to find out if these migraines are connected to any problem with my bond."

T'Qun raised an eyebrow at Althea, taking her in closer. "You are bonded for five years and your bondmate has never before suggested you see a healer?"

Althea looked at her hands in her lap avoiding the healers gaze. "He was not aware of my troubles. As soon as he knew he asked me to consult a healer."

T'Qun's eyebrow rose even higher. "He was not aware of your pain? He should have sensed it through the bond."

Althea sighted, then forced herself to return T'Qun's inquiring gaze. "The circumstances were somewhat peculiar and less than ideal." She hesitated for a moment, wondering how to explain it all. "This is somewhat difficult to explain since I'm still not sure I understand it all myself."

T'Qun cocked her head and looked at Althea expectantly. She could basically see and touch the control and restraint this young woman in front of her was forcing on herself.

Althea opened her mouth to continue, but then she hesitated again. "I do not wish to appear rude, but before I continue I must be sure that you will not tell anyone anything of what I am going to say. Is there anything in Vulcan society or culture that might force you to go against patient-doctor confidentiality?"

T'Qun looked at Althea unflinchingly. "No, there is not. Patient-doctor confidentiality is held sacred on Vulcan. As it is on earth."

Althea relaxed somewhat. "I did not mean to offend you with this question. But I had to be certain."

"No offence is taken where none is intended." T'Qun became increasingly intrigued with this young woman. What secret could be so important to her to rather forego treatment than risk exposure?

Althea inclined her head. "I met my... husband five years ago while I was studying at the VSA. He was suffering from his aborted _koon-ut-kalifee_. Although he had believed his _pon farr_ to have been resolved by the events, it obviously was not. When we met, we... connected. But after everything was over, we both did not remember any of it. He believed it to have been a strange dream brought on by the _pon farr_. And I had simply forgotten it. I recalled some vague mental pictures but I thought them to be simply imaginations resulting from my studies of ancient Vulcan texts.

"He left Vulcan shortly after. This was when my migraines started. They became increasingly sever, but the doctors on Vulcan could not find any reason for my headaches. They finally concluded my body was not suited to Vulcan's higher gravity, thinner air and hotter climate, recommending I should return to earth.

"I tried to continue my studies but it finally became impossible. So I left Vulcan. Since then I have visited many planets, some of them with conditions very similar to those on Vulcan. But they did not automatically bring on my migraines. In fact my migraines grew more infrequent, but they did not disappear. They reappeared without any discernible pattern. Even after I returned to earth they did not stop.

"I only met my bondmate again a few days ago, entirely by chance. We didn't even recognize each other until we touched by accident. I believe, if I had not stumbled and he had not caught me, we would not have realized anything. This touch made our bond come alive again.

"He suggested we might not have been prepared to accept the bond when it was formed so we buried it in our minds. When he learned about my migraines and that they had started after we met on Vulcan he suggested I should see a healer. He indeed thought that the particular circumstances of our bonding and my lack of training could have caused my problems."

T'Qun had remained almost immobile during Althea's story. "Very peculiar, indeed. I have read of such bondings as yours in old pre-reform texts, but I have not heard or read of anything comparable in modern times."

Althea blushed. "It might have been me after all. I am human and emotional..."

T'Qun looked at her thoughtful. "The creation of a marriage bond always requires two individuals. What exactly were the circumstances of the aborted _koon-ut-kalifee_ of your bondmate? How was his _koon-ut-kalifee_ aborted? This is highly unusual."

"I don't know much about it. He was betrothed to a Vulcan at the age of 7, as is customary. But she refused him and invoked the _kalifee_. But instead of her lover she chose one of his best friends to fight him. His friend survived and so did he. I do not know any details and how this was even possible. He rejected his bondmate after this, believing his _pon farr_ was over."

T'Qun's eyebrow shot up. She remembered an old friend telling her of a scandal that had transpired five years ago on Vulcan concerning the heir to the House of Surak. Back then every healer who had heard of this particular story had wondered how his survival had even been possible. There was no alternative for a Vulcan male during _pon farr_ to either mate or die. But the male concerned hat neither mated nor died. The healers had ultimately come to the conclusion his mixed human-Vulcan heritage had saved his life. But as it appeared now, they had all been wrong and the male had indeed mated.

"Why has your bondmate not accompanied you?" T'Qun asked.

"I asked him not to. His family is still unaware of our connection and he has not suffered from any ill-effects of our bond." Althea replied.

"You are protecting him? I take it your bondmate's family will not be pleased with him being bonded to you."

Althea shook her head. "His clan matriarch has already selected several eligible Vulcan females for him to choose from. I am most certainly not what she desires."

If this young woman's bondmate was indeed _S'chn T'gai_ Spock _cha_ Sarek _cha_ Skon as T'Qun suspected she could just imagine T'Pau's indignation over this bond. Sarek's bond to a human woman had already weakened her position in the house of Surak. Spock's bond with another human would weaken it further. But this was of no real concern to T'Qun. Her duty lay with her patient.

"You stated you studied at the VSA. Have you had any sort of mental training while you stayed on Vulcan?" The healer inquired.

"I have not had any serious training. My telepathic were rated below 1 on Satek's scale. Therefore I did not receive any training beyond very basic shielding techniques as it was deemed unnecessary."

"Are you able to block your thoughts through the bond?" T'Qun continued her questions. She needed to determine what Althea Parker already knew and what she was able to do.

"I am. I learned to do it instinctively."

"Can you block your bondmates thoughts?"

Althea furrowed her brows. "I believe I can. I did shut him out completely once. And I am able to block the bond in a way that it does not disturb me but remains in the background of my mind. Somewhat like faint music."

"Did you ever communicate directly through the bond?"

"No. I didn't know that was possible." Althea looked curiously at T'Qun.

"It is. But not all couples are able to do it. The bond has to be strong and most couples need to be in close proximity to each other or even touch to do it." The healer explained. At the same time T'Qun wondered if Althea Parker truly rated below 1 on Satek's Scale of Telepathy. She seemed to be already quite proficient in dealing with her bond. And she either knowingly or instinctively shielded her emotions and thoughts quite effectively as well. Under normal circumstances T'Qun would have expected to at least pick up on the basic mood of a human as untrained as she was. Quite possibly she had had some latent telepathic abilities that had been overlooked during her first testing. These latent abilities might well have been awakened by forming the marriage bond with her mate. But to be sure of any of it she had to probe Althea Parker's mind. "Have you any experience with the mind meld?"

"I have not. Or..." Althea hesitated. "I'm not sure if... my bondmate and I did not meld during our first encounter. I guess we did."

T'Qun nodded. "You must have melded to form the bond. This is your only experience with the meld?"

"Yes, my only experience." Althea confirmed.

"I will need to meld with you to asses the condition of your bond. It will not be as intense and deep as the meld you remember with your bondmate but rather superficial. I will be able to avoid touching any other areas of your mind. Still it is very likely you will purview my actions as invasive and perhaps violating. If you feel you cannot continue with the meld I will withdraw instantly."

"All right. What will I have to do?"

"Stay seated and try to relax." T'Qun rose from her chair and rounded her desk to stand before Althea.

Althea tried to stay calm as T'Qun reached for the meld points in her face. The healer's finger were at first only warm against her skin, but then she felt something pushing against her mind. Instinctively Althea tensed and tried to shield her mind. But then she forced her barriers down. She needed to accept this.

T'Qun was surprised at Althea's strong shields, but even more so when she saw Althea willingly lowering them. She moved carefully and gently in Althea's mind, concentrating on the bond to her bondmate. T'Qun circled it and probed its strength as well as its anchorage in Althea's mind. When she had seen everything she needed to see and done everything she needed to do she slowly withdrew from the other woman's mind.

Althea exhaled a breath she had not realized she was holding as T'Qun's finger left her face. Expectantly she looked at the healer. "What did you find?"

"The bond between you and your bondmate is strong and deeply rooted and the bond is well now. However I also saw the wounds the dormant bond has caused in your mind. They have already started to heal. It appears your mind regarded the dormant bond as a foreign body and fought against it. However when the bond came alive, your mind accepted it. The damage is already healing and I furthered it. You most likely will not experience another migraine."

Althea stayed silent for a moment. "So the bond actually was the reason for my migraines."

T'Qun raised an eyebrow. "I believe I just stated that. The dormant bond was in conflict with your subconscious, which caused your brain to overload. Most likely the closer you were to your bondmate the stronger and more frequent your pains would have been."

"I don't know about that. But I had one of the worst migraines the night I met my bondmate again. But they stopped after we had touched. So you are probably right." Althea felt somewhat exhausted.

"You should also take some lessons in mind control techniques. What I sensed in your mind is not the telepathic ability of someone below 1 on Satek's Scale. You are already using basic techniques instinctively, but you require training. I believe your telepathic abilities lay dormant until you required them. I estimate you now rate between 2 and 3 on Satek's Scale. You are still not a strong telepath but you will be able to fully benefit from your marriage bond. If you wish to know your exact rating you will have to repeat the test of your abilities."

"I will consider it." Althea said. "I am most gratified for your help, _Hakausu_ T'Qun."

T'Qun inclined her head. "I come to serve, _T'Sai_ Althea, _Adun'a_ Spock."

Althea paled. "I am not yet _T'Sai_. Maybe I never will be." she objected.

T'Qun only raised an eyebrow but did not say anything. The bond she had seen was strong and vibrant. Even though there might be logical reasons to dissolve this bond, she deemed the event of it happening very unlikely. There were forces in the universe even T'Pau had no control over.

* * *

Spock waited for Althea at the transporter station near her home. He had asked her to call him when her appointment with the healer was over. He had also asked for her permission to pick her up afterwards, which she had given him.

Her form appeared on one of the pads and he patiently waited for her to step down before he went to meet her.

"Althea." he quietly greeted her.

She gave him a smile. "I hope you didn't have to wait too long. The station in Boston was cramped and it took me a while to come back here."

"I have waited for 13.74 minutes, which by my estimate is within the norm for this time of day and the Boston-San Francisco connection." he replied.

"You know about the utilization of transporter stations for different times of day?" Althea was surprised. "Sometimes I can't stop wondering how Vulcans manage to remember all these details. You would think I should have gotten used to it by now. But it never ceases to amaze me."

He looked at her unflinchingly. "If your memory was eidetic you would also remember it." He did not mention he had just looked it up only a few minutes ago. However he would remember it now. "Was your visit with healer T'Qun successful?"

"It was very informative. But I'd prefer to not talk about it here but somewhere more private. And I'm starving. I suggest we get some takeout and talk back at my apartment." She really was hungry since she had been too nervous to eat much for lunch.

Spock nodded his assent. He agreed with her that this was nothing which should be discussed in public.

Twenty minutes later they sat in her apartment rather informally on the couch both with a carton of Chinese takeout in one hand and chopsticks in the other. At first they ate in silence, as Althea was rather hungry, but when she slowed down he repeated his question about her visit with T'Qun.

"She confirmed your hypothesis that my migraines were caused by our bond. Or rather our dormant bond. But obviously the moment our bond sprang into life the clash between my conscious and subconscious ended and my mind began to heal itself. T'Qun accelerated the headlining process and I should be fine now."

"I am most pleased to hear this. However I still regret the inconveniences this has caused you."

Althea lowered her chopsticks and looked at Spock over the rim of her food carton. "Stop blaming yourself. It is not logical."

Spock raised an eyebrow. "I do not blame myself. But it is a fact, had I not lost my control, you would not have been subjected to these migraines."

"You weren't the only one who lost control." She remarked rather matter of factly. "Did you suffer no side effects from the dormant bond?" she then changed the subject.

He contemplated her for a moment. "I believe I did. Whenever I became interested in another woman I dreamed of you."

"You dreamed of me?" Althea looked at him, completely astonished. "But why didn't you recognize me then?"

"I could not see your face in my dream." he admitted.

"But then how did you know it was me in your dreams? What did I do?" Althea felt somewhat confused at this revelation.

Her last question made the tips of his ears turn slightly green. "I relived the events in the library."

"Oh." Her cheeks burned red in sudden embarrassment and she rather hastily picked up her chopsticks again to poke somewhat fiercely at the remnants of her food.

An awkward silence followed which Spock finally ended. "Did the healer say anything else?"

Althea released her chopsticks and placed her now empty food container on the table to spare it further mistreatment. "Yes, she did. She found the speed with which I adapted to the bond rather unusual for someone with my almost nonexistent telepathic abilities. As it turned out I had latent telepathic abilities which only became active due to the bond. I'm still a very, very weak telepath, but I'm not psi-null. T'Qun recommended I'd take some lessons in mind control to help me with the bond."

"This is a quite wise suggestion. We need to find a teacher for you." Spock said.

"I think we'd better wait until we have decided how to proceed with the bond." Althea interjected. "It was difficult enough to find an independent healer. I don't think it will be much easier finding an independent teacher of the mental arts."

"I have to agree with you. However, it would be advantageous if you'd at least know basic protection methods. I am not trained as a teacher but I can try to teach you some basic techniques in the meantime." he offered. "It will protect you from the intrusions of other telepaths."

"I also would like to have some more control over the bond, what I'm transmitting and what not. Healer T'Qun said I'm doing well so far, but neither do I want to force my emotions on you nor do I want to transmit everything. It makes me feel vulnerable and in some way embarrassed. I mean no offense by this. I do not wish to exclude you." She suddenly felt awkward and unsure how to convey her true intent. Then she thought about their bond and using it to help.

Spock raised an eyebrow when he felt a sudden rush through the bond. "I understand. There is no offense taken where none is intended. I will endeavor to teach you some more control. However, my experience with the bond is limited as well."

Althea was surprised. "I thought you were bonded to T'Pring for 30years?"

"I was. But our bond was weak and I barely felt her in my mind. She did not wish for the bond and shut me out completely."

He sounded very detached and clinical about it. Too much so to Althea's ears. "I'm sorry."

He looked at her unflinchingly. "It is illogical to apologize for something one has had no influence on."

_Is this your way of telling me to mind my own business?_ she wondered. "I'm human and as such tend to sympathize with people I care for. If you are truly considering me as a potential long-term bondmate you will have to bear with some of my illogical behaviors."

Spock raised an eyebrow at her. "I will bear this in mind."

Althea felt a sense of amusement resonating through their bond. She only stared at him, somewhat overwhelmed by him showing her something akin to emotion.

"Our bond is much stronger than my bond with T'Pring ever was. Your _emotions_ and willingness to accept may very well factor in with this."

"I would think a bond is a mutual thing. It cannot just be me." She almost did not dare to look at him, suddenly fearing his answer.

He remained silent for a moment. "I find it easier to relate to you than to my first bondmate." he finally conceded.

"How so?" she couldn't help asking it.

"You are not rejecting me." A very matter of fact voice again.

Althea was speechless at first. Had he lived for 30 years with this other woman's rejection in his mind. She suddenly felt an urge to strangle this T'Pring. "Why should I reject you?"

"I cannot speculate on reasons why you should reject me." He paused for a moment. "However, T'Pring rejected me for my human blood."

"That is quite illogical."

His face remained unmoved. "There are people of your species who reject me for my Vulcan blood."

"Also illogical. But it can be explained by emotion, by fear of the unknown and the different. However I cannot find a logical reason for it. I'd rather say it is in direct violation of the IDIC principle. How did T'Pring justify herself?" Althea felt anger rising in herself.

"She did not. She simply started she preferred another over me during our _koon-ut-kalifee_." Spock started to wonder why Althea was so angry with T'Pring for not wishing to bond with him.

"That's just vile!" It was out of her mouth before she even realized it.

His right eyebrow almost disappeared in his hairline and her hands flew to her mouth in shock. "I'm sorry." she mumbled.

"Again there is no need to apologize." Spock suddenly found some part of him was... _pleased_ about her intense reaction.

"Maybe there is no need to apologize for the content of my statement, but the manner of delivering it was less then polite." She looked down on her hands. "I'm quite thirsty. I'm going to get myself a cup of tea. Would you like one too?"

Spock inclined his head. "A cup of tea would be most welcome."

She took their empty food containers to place them in the recycler. She needed time to calm down and compose herself. But Spock's story about his first bondmate made her fume inwardly. How could she do such a thing? What she had done had been outright cruel.

Spock felt Althea's anger seeping through their bond. She was attempting to block her rage but the emotion was too strong to block it completely. And he still was pleased about it. A primeval part of him even savored her rage.

She returned with two cups of tea and handed one to him. "It's a mixture of terran and Vulcan herbal teas. Actually Soran came up with it and it is quite popular with the embassy's staff."

Spock took a sip aware at Althea's attempt not to return to their previous subject. "The taste is indeed quite pleasing."

She gave him a smile. "I like it too. And it does not contain any caffeine, which I prefer in the evening." She paused for a second. "I was just wondering when we might begin with the mental lessons."

"We could start today." Spock offered.

She looked at him over the rim of her cup. "I would appreciate this. I got the impression I couldn't block all of my emotions a few minutes ago."

"You could not." he agreed. "But I did not mind."

Now her eyebrows shot up. Did he not mind her not being able to block completely or did he not mind these particular emotions she had displayed? But she did not comment on it, partly because she did not know what to say. But eventually she would find out.

When they had finished their tea they sat down cross-legged on her floor facing each other.

"Place your hands on your knees, close your eyes and breathe evenly. Try to calm your mind and try to relax your body." Spock instructed her.

At first she felt funny and oddly self-conscious. But then she pushed these thoughts away and concentrated on her breathing. _Breath. Just breath. Clear your mind._

Spock watched her face and listened to her breathing as it became slower and deeper. "I will reach for your mind now. Try to block me. Most commonly this is done by imagining a wall around your mind. If you wish to stop for any reason I will do so immediately."

Althea imagined a huge stone wall which looked like a medieval city wall complete with battlements surrounding her mind. She felt Spock probing her mind and visualized his _attack_ as trebuchets hurling stones at her wall. But her walls held, even as his stones became bigger and their force increased.

"You are doing well." Spock said.

"I'm quite motivated. I don't want anybody to find out about us, because I'm not able to shield." _And I don't want you to find out about my feelings for you by accident._ she thought.

"It is even more difficult to shield when there is touch involved. It is highly unlikely you will be touched by a Vulcan, but nevertheless you should be prepared for such an event." Spock continued.

Althea opened her eyes at that. "You are going to touch me?" She felt her heart rate increase. If he'd see...

"I'll touch your hand with mine." he said.

She nodded, even though she felt afraid. "Okay, let's try it." She placed one hand palm up on her knee and concentrated fiercely on her protective wall.

Spock reached for her hand with the tips of his fingers, brushing slightly against her skin.

Althea did not close her eyes again, but they looked through her surroundings. She felt Spock's presence in her mind and his warm fingers touching her hand. His touch radiated from her hand up her arm, which made it difficult for her to concentrate. But she fought him off. She had to. She could not let him see the turmoil he was creating inside of her. Not yet, not now.

His eyebrow went up as he encountered her shields. They were strong and much more advanced than he had thought possible. He retracted his hand. "Your shields are sufficient to block any mind reading from casual contract or moderate probing."

She found it difficult to breathe slowly and regularly. Her gaze focused again, even though her hand still tingled from his touch. "I'm relieved. I wouldn't want to cause us any problems by inadvertently broadcasting something."

"If you concentrate on your shields regularly they will become even stronger and more dependable. They will eventually become part of your subconscious and stay as strong as they are now without you concentrating on them." he added.

"Then I will do that." She paused for a moment. "Is this the same way how I control what I transmit through the bond?" she then asked. "I imagine it like water flowing between us, and I just regulate how much goes through. Like a valve the opening of which I adjust as needed."

"Yes, controlling the bond is very similar. I picture it as an energy flow which I am able to modulate and vary in intensity as I wish to."

Althea smiled. "Not such a different picture from mine. It seems to me it's a lot of finding the right... picture to accomplish something."

"It is a matter of being aware of one's own mind, of exactly knowing what it is one wishes to accomplish and of directing one's thoughts to achieve one's aim." Spock said.

"Knowing one's own mind. Not exactly an easy thing to do. At least not for most humans." Althea suddenly felt tired. "It must be already late. I'm exhausted."

"Mental exercises often seem to be easy, but they are straining to the mind. I will leave, so you can rest." Spock got up from the floor.

Althea also scrambled to her feet. She was tired but at the same time she did not want him to leave. But she could not think of any reason for him to stay. "Can we continue our lessons tomorrow evening?"

He nodded. "I will contact you with a time."

"I'm looking forward to it." She gave him a smile. Even though he was leaving now, she would see him again very soon.

* * *

Amanda heard her son come home and cross the entrance hall.

"Spock?" she called out while placing the book she had been reading on a side table next to the sofa.

His steps faltered, then stopped on their way, only to continue a moment later but now in the direction of the living room.

Amanda watched her son enter the room. But he did not sit down on a chair or sofa, but remained stranding with his arms folded behind his back. _Something is troubling him._ She thought. _He is disappearing all the time. I wonder what all this is about?_

"Mother?" he asked.

"Spock, please sit down for a moment."

He lifted an eyebrow, but nevertheless he complied. "What is it you wish to discuss?"

Amanda looked at her son for a moment. "I can see you are troubled. Is it about your meeting with T'Lara?"

Spock blinked once. He had wondered how long it would take his mother to realize there was something _wrong_. Since he had been a child she had unerringly known when something had been amiss. "My troubles are in some way connected to my meeting with T'Lara. Our meeting and its implications are indeed causing me to reconsider my options concerning my choice of a wife."

"Did you find T'Lara and you are not compatible?" Amanda asked.

"I find I have not taken all relevant aspects for choosing a wife into account." Before Althea had shut him out and closed the bond of, he had never thought about the possible effects loosing his connection to Althea might have on him.

Amanda wondered that exactly Spock was referring to. "So you are re-evaluating T'Pau's candidates? Are you considering meeting more of her candidates than the two you previously selected?" Amanda asked.

"No. I find at present I am not willing to meet another of her candidates. I am rather considering searching for a bondmate myself and not limiting this search to Vulcan women." Spock suddenly wondered if he should tell his mother the truth.

Amanda saw a glimmer passing through Spock's eyes. There was more to this than he was willing to admit. "T'Pau will not be pleased."

Spock slightly tilted up one corner of his mouth in amusement. "T'Pau had not been pleased with father's choice either. However this did not prevent you from getting bonded."

Amanda now smiled openly at her son. "True. But your father was determined. As was I." She hesitated for a moment. "If you'd choose a non-Vulcan for your wife you will have to face T'Pau's disapproval which will be worse than anything Sarek and I had to face. But your father and I will support whatever choice you make."

"Father already assured me of his support. And I knew I would have yours." Spock's face became earnest again.

"Spock, is there someone particular you have on your mind?" Amanda felt a glimmer of hope raising her chest. She wanted him to be happy even though he would never openly admit he needed to be happy.

He folded his hands very precisely in his lap and pondered how to answer his mother's question. "There is a woman I am considering. But I still have to determine if she is agreeable to being my bondmate."

Amanda felt her heart skip a beat. There was indeed someone her son would rather have than T'Pau's carefully selected candidates, someone he had chosen himself. "She is not Vulcan, is she?" Amanda asked.

"No, she is not. She is human." He did not offer any further information.

"So, all the time you were sneaking out lately you were meeting her." Spock's sudden and frequent disappearances suddenly made sense to her. She had thought he was meditating and evaluating his need for a bondmate. She had had never dared to imagine he was seeing another woman than the one's selected by T'Pau.

"I was not sneaking out. I simply chose not to announce my leaving and my whereabouts. I did not wish to attract unwanted attention to... my courtship."

Amanda nodded. "I understand that. If T'Pau should gain knowledge of this she most certainly will try to interfere. She probably would try to scare your human woman away."

Spock tilted his head slightly, then amusement shone in his eyes. "I doubt she would be successful. T'Pau also fails to dissuade you from bonding with father."

"Because I love your father. Does she love you, Spock?" Amanda fixed her gaze on her son.

Spock pondered the geometrical patterns on the surface of the wooden coffee table in front of him. "I do not know. She deeply cares for me and she enjoys spending time with me. But sometimes she also seems to be very dissatisfied with my actions. I cause her distress even though I try not to."

"But she is still seeing you?" Amanda asked her son.

Spock nodded. "Yes, she is."

"Your father also caused me distress during our courtship. But this was due to our different cultures and ways of finding a mate. You might experience very similar problems. But if she loves you and you her, you will succeed." Amanda paused for a moment, unsure if she should ask her next question. "Do you love her?"

Spock did not answer instantly. Did he love Althea? He enjoyed her company; he found their conversations intriguing and intellectually stimulating; her presence in his mind was unobtrusive, but warm and comforting. He had felt her withdrawal during T'Lara's stay keenly and had found her almost absence from his mind most disturbing, disturbing enough to go to her home in the middle of the night to assure she was well. He tried to picture his life without her and found he did not care for it. He looked at his mother. "I am indeed most gratified by her company and would welcome it if she would agree to be my bondmate."

Amanda smiled. "I'm glad you say this. So you will ask her?"

Spock inclined his head. "I will propose _koon-ut so'lik_ to her. But please do not tell anyone of this besides farther. I do not wish for anyone to interfere until she has decided upon my proposal."

"I won't tell a soul. Nothing good came of the clan's decision for your first bondmate. I will not let them interfere with this decision of yours." Amanda desperately wanted to ask her son who this woman was, where he had met her and how long he did know her. But she knew he already would have volunteered this information if he had intended to share it.

Spock looked at his mother, inclining his head. "I thank you for you help, mother."

Amanda gave him a warm and encouraging smile. "There is nothing to thank me for. But I wish you luck with your proposal."

**Glossary**

_T'Sai _female-specific honourific title

_S'Haile: _a male title of respectful address

_ta'al__:_ the Vulcan hand-greeting/salute

_koon-ut-kalifee__:_ Marriage or Challange

_kalifee__:_ act of challenge

_Hakausu__:_ healer

_Adun'a__:_ wife

_koon-ut so'lik__:_ formal marriage proposal

Translations taken from the _Vulcan Language Dictionary (VLD) _(just search for it on google, if you don't know it already); however I might take some liberties with some of the translations offered there

_Ozu__:_ Ambassador (read it somewhere here on FF, but can't remember where)

_S'chn T'gai__:_ Spock's and Sarek's clan name; first used in the novel " Ishmael" by Barbara Hambly

_cha__:_ son of (don't know where I got that one from either)

_S'chn T'gai_ Spock _cha_ Sarek _cha_ Skon: Spock's full name: Spock son of Sarek son of Skon, member of the clan _S'chn T'gai_


	11. Chapter 11

**Tuesday, 24th September 2272**

**17 days left**

Soran only motioned Spock through as he arrived at his father's office. Spock gave Soran a nod, before he passed through the door.

Sarek sat behind his desk, reading something on one of his PADDs. He looked up, as he heard Spock entering the room, wordlessly motioning for him to sit down in one of the chairs opposite of his desk. Spock quietly complied and patiently waited until his father had finished his reading and placed his PADD on his desk.

Sarek looked up at his son. "Spock, what is it you wish to discuss with me?"

Spock calmly returned the gaze of his father. "I came to inform you that I have come to a decision regarding my future bondmate. I have found a woman I plan to declare _koon-ut so'lik_ to."

Sarek cocked his head. "Your mother already hinted at something like this. But she refused to give me any detailed information, claiming it was not her place to tell."

Spock inclined his head. "I talked to mother yesterday night."

"Whom do you plan to declare _koon-ut so'lik_ to? Did you find T'Lara agreeable?" Sarek asked.

"I found T'Lara quite satisfying. However, it is not T'Lara or any other of T'Pau's candidates I plan to declare _koon-ut so'lik_ to."

Sarek raised an eyebrow in surprise. "Whom did you choose then?"

"I will not reveal her identity until I have proposed to her. But you have to be aware that this woman is not Vulcan but human." Spock was intent on protecting Althea as long as he could. And he wanted them to be free of any interference as long as possible.

Sarek's eyebrow rose even higher. "You have not mentioned her before, when I asked you about alternatives to T'Pau's candidates."

"I still had to decide what my intentions towards her were. However I now have decided upon my course of action in this matter."

Father and son locked their eyes for a moment, scrutinizing each other.

Then Sarek nodded. "Will she accept you?"

"I do not know. I find it impossible to calculate the odds of her agreeing to be my wife. However, I deemed it appropriate to inform you of my intentions to declare _koon-ut so'lik_ to a human woman. If she accepts me, there most certainly will be consequences regarding my position and that of my wife within our house."

Sarek steepled his hands in front of him. "T'Pau will not be pleased. She might even refuse to acknowledge your bonding and refuse to accept your wife into our house."

Spock blinked once. "I am aware of this. I am also aware that my _refusal_ to provide the clan with a legitimate offspring of mine may very well weaken your own position within the clan."

Sarek took in his son's immobile face. "I am gratified by your concern. It is, however, unnecessary. My position rests firmly on my achievements. I see no need for an official heir to our line to secure my position. However, you might be forced to give up your position within our house."

"I have not yet claimed any of my clan rights and I am prepared to relinquish them. My live has been away from Vulcan and our clan's policies for 24 years now. I do not intend to give up my intended wife for the sole purpose of retaining a position in Vulcan society I have not claimed so far and have no intention of claiming in the near future."

Sarek remained silent for a moment. His son obviously cherished this woman. "Very well. I will stall T'Pau's further attempts at sending another woman to meet you. But I will not be able to give you more than one week. Most likely you will have less."

"That is sufficient. I will propose _koon-ut so'lik_ to her tonight. I will inform mother and you tomorrow of the result." Spock stood up from his chair. "If you will excuse me now. I have some arrangements to make."

Sarek inclined his head towards his son. "I wish you success in your endeavor."

"I am gratified." Spock returned the gesture before leaving his father's office.

When Spock had left, Sarek immediately called Soran through the office intercom. "Do not put through any calls from T'Pau's office today. And inform Ms. Parker she is to do the same for my wife."

Soran kept his face carefully impassive. "I will do as you wish, _S'haile_. May I inquire what reason I am to give for your unavailability?"

"I have to attend to urgent negotiations and have to prepare myself for them." This was not a direct lie. He was only omitting that he would have to negotiate with T'Pau herself.

Soran nodded without betraying his curiosity. "Yes, _S'haile_." Since Spock's arrival several curious and unusual things had happened disrupting the usually smooth routine at the embassy.

As soon as Sarek had cut the connection, Soran contacted Althea's office.

"Soran, what can I do for you." She greeted him with a smile.

"_Ozu_ Sarek wishes you to block all incoming calls from T'Pau's office and T'Pau herself to _T'Sai_ Amanda." Soran related Sarek's order to Althea.

Althea's smile froze on her face and furrowed her eyebrows. "Why am I to do that?"

"_Ozu_ Sarek did not provide a reason for it. I could only speculate." Soran replied.

"Then please speculate." Althea felt her hands growing cold. She feared this might be connected to the promise she had extracted from Spock the last night.

"It is not appropriate for me to speculate on such a matter." Soran refused.

Althea tried to remain calm. "It might give me an idea of how to refuse T'Pau or her assistant."

He raised an eyebrow. One more curious thing. Althea most certainly behaved strangely. She never before had asked him to _gossip_. "I fail to see how my speculations may help you in averting T'Pau's calls. You may simply state _T'Sai_ Amanda is away and currently unavailable."

Althea repressed a sight. "I will do so. It's just not a very _usual _order to actually refuse T'Pau."

"In time we may know the reason for this." Soran replied.

Althea shrugged. "Perhaps. Perhaps not."

Soran only blinked at her before cutting the connection.

* * *

T'Pau read the message T'Pina, the matriarch of T'Lara's clan, had sent her. T'Lara obviously was agreeable to a bonding with Spock. But she had yet to wait for Spock's response. He had not yet given his opinion of T'Lara.

T'Pau contemplated her options for a moment. T'Lara's clan was powerful, only second to the _S'chn T'gai_ clan. And T'Lara herself was well educated, a brilliant scholar and well equipped to perform all the duties the wife of the last direct descendant of Surak had to perform. She was an ideal choice.

T'Pau reached for her intercom and called through to her assistant T'Linyth. "Contact Spock. I require his opinion regarding T'Lara."

T'Linyth nodded and immediately tried to contact Spock. But she was not successful. He must have left his communications device unattended. T'Linyth tried to reach Spock via the Vulcan embassy on earth, but they claimed they were unable to reach Spock as well. She placed a message both on Spock's mailbox as well as with the embassy. He was to contact T'Pau immediately regarding important clan business.

* * *

Spock ignored the calls and messages from T'Pau's office on his PADD. He was certain T'Pau would demand his answer regarding T'Lara, but he had no intention to enter into this conversation.

An hour later he was contacted by one of the embassy's clerks with a request to contact T'Pau immediately. He ignored it as well and answered no further calls from the embassy's general administration.

If T'Pau had been human she would have frowned by now. All her attempts to contact Spock remained unsuccessful.

"T'Linyth, contact Sarek. I wish to talk to him about Spock." T'Pau ordered her assistant.

T'Linyth dutifully entered the contact data of Sarek's office in her communications terminal.

After a few minutes Soran's face appeared on her screen. "Greetings, T'Linyth."

"Greetings, Soran. _T'Sai _T'Pau wishes to speak with _Ozu_ Sarek concerning his son Spock." T'Linyth related her message.

Soran's face remained completely immobile. "_Ozu_ Sarek is not available at the moment. He is preparing important negotiations. However, I will send him a message he is to contact _T'Sai _T'Pau at his earliest convenience."

T'Linyth nodded once. "I will inform _T'Sai _T'Pau immediately. T'Linyth out."

* * *

Althea gave her communications terminal an anxious look. So far neither T'Pau's office nor the matriarch herself had called. She by now had the definitive feeling that this order to block T'Pau had something to do with her asking Spock to not meet anymore potential bondmates. She could not think of any other reason for it.

She didn't mind putting T'Pau or her assistant off. But she didn't like the implications _her_ putting them off might later have. It could be easily constructed into subterfuge on her part, even though this accusation could be easily refuted since it had been Soran who had ordered her to block the calls. And Amanda had verified these orders.

Althea almost jumped when her com station signalled an incoming call. She exhaled audibly when she recognized Soran's code.

"Soran." she greeted him, the relief obvious in her voice.

"Althea. I call to inform you that T'Linyth just called here. She might soon call _T'Sai_ Amanda's office as well."

Althea's smile faded from her face. "Thank you for the warning. I really wonder what is going on."

Soran lifted an eyebrow. "We will know in due course."

Althea sighted, then nodded. "Of course. Thanks again."

With another nod Soran cut the line again.

* * *

T'Linyth entered the code for Amanda's office in her communications terminal and waited patiently for a reply. It did not take long for Amanda's aid to answer the call.

"Greetings, Ms. Parker. _T'Sai_ T'Pau wishes to speak to _T'Sai_ Amanda on an urgent family matter."

"Greetings, T'Linyth." Althea replied. "I am sorry, but _T'Sai_ Amanda is not at the embassy at the moment. She is meeting some of her colleges. I will try to reach her on her personal link to inform her of your call. However, I may not be successful as she tends to switch her link of during such meetings." For a second she thought she saw something akin to exasperation flickering across T'Linyth's eyes. But it was gone before Althea could be sure of it.

T'Linyth inclined her head. "I am grateful for your endeavours."

"I come to serve." Althea used the traditional Vulcan expression to express someone was welcome before ending the connection.

T'Linyth raised an eyebrow at the dark screen. The odds of being unable to reach either _S'haile_ Spock, _Ozu_ Sarek or _T'Sai_ Amanda were rather low. She quietly got up from her desk and went to T'Pau's office.

"_T'Sai_, I am unable to reach _S'haile_ Spock, _Ozu_ Sarek or _T'Sai_ Amanda and none of them returned my calls. I find this rather peculiar."

T'Pau reacted as T'Linyth had by raising one eyebrow. "Indeed very peculiar." She steepled her hands in front of her face. Her experience told her that this was no coincidence and was connected to Spock's impending choice of a bondmate. But it was imperative that Spock chose a bondmate and that he chose well. "T'Linyth, if we are unable to contact them in the next 24 hours, I will fly to earth. Please have the T'Plana-Hath prepare in case of our departure."

T'Linyth inclined her head. "Very well, T'Sai."

* * *

As soon as she had ended the connection with T'Linyth Althea went into Amanda's office.

"T'Linyth just called. She asked for you to contact T'Pau on an urgent family matter. I told her you were away."

Amanda nodded. "Thank you, Althea. I'm sorry you had to lie for me."

"I don't really mind." Althea replied. "I just hope putting of T'Pau will help."

"As do I." Amanda did not venture into any explanations about why it should help. Or with what it should help. "It's already 5 pm. You could just go home now. So no one will be here to answer another of T'Linyth's or T'Pau's calls."

Althea frowned slightly, wondering even more what exactly was going on. Why was it so important that no one talked to T'Pau? But she only nodded. "I have nothing pressing left to do. So, see you tomorrow."

"Have a nice evening, Althea." Amanda said.

Althea smiled and gave Amanda a short parting nod. Her smile deepened when she had left the office. She hoped to have a very nice evening. Spock had sent her a message, asking her if she would be agreeable to having dinner with him before they continued their lessons. He had not told her where he was planning to take her for dinner, but he had asked her to dress appropriately. She could only guess, that "dressing appropriately" meant, dressing up. With this extra hour she could spend some more time to get prepared and dress nicely.

* * *

Spock registered another call from T'Pau's office on his com link, but he had no desire to answer it. There was no doubt any more T'Pau wished to know his opinion of T'Lara since she had stated so in one of her messages to him.

He briefly wondered if he would accept T'Lara if Althea refused him tonight. But then he could not imagine being bonded to anyone else but Althea. Her constant presence in his mind already felt well known and comfortable, even though most of the time her presence faded to a whisper in the background, constantly there but not intruding.

He had spent a significant part of the day researching human customs for proposing marriage. Most of the sources had stated that for such an endeavour a romantic and rather private environment was required. However opinions on the exact nature of such an environment had vastly differed. Spock finally had settled for something that was considered "classic" by many sources.

He donned formal black robes before he left the embassy to pick up Althea in one of the embassy's flitters. It took him only a few minutes to reach Althea's apartment building and he had only to wait a few minutes after he rang the buzzer to her apartment before she answered him.

"I will be down in a minute." her voice rang through the intercom, before she shut it off.

It took her only 47 seconds to appear at the front door. She smiled at him as he took in her appearance. Her hair was pulled back in the same formal classic bun at the nape of her neck as it had been on the first evening he had seen her at the embassy ball and she had dressed in a blood green knee length dress. Around her shoulders she had wrapped a black woolen stole to protect herself against the evening's chill.

They acknowledged each other silently. Then he opened the door of the flitter for her before he took his place in the driver's seat.

"Where are we going tonight?" she asked him as he started up the engine.

"To dinner." he stated simply.

"I know that. You are stating the obvious." she teased him. "But where _exactly_ are we going? Or don't you want to tell me?"

One corner of his mouth twitched. "Now you are stating the obvious."

"A surprise then." She stated and smiled at him.

He only lifted one eyebrow, which she answered with a challenging look, daring him to say something about the illogic of surprises. But he only returned his attention to the flitter's controls. "We will be there shortly."

She furrowed her brows, wondering what he was up to. Surprises were definitively something decidedly un-Vulcan.

They left the inner city, climbing up a hill in one of the old Victorian quarters. Spock stopped the flitter in front of an old mansion and Althea curiously looked out of the window. She couldn't see a sign for a restaurant anywhere near, but Spock nevertheless opened her door for her to leave the car.

She curiously followed him towards the entrance of the mansion in front of which they had parked the flitter.

"I thought we were going to a restaurant." she commented lightly.

"I deemed a quieter venue more appropriate for tonight." he stated.

Althea looked at him surprised and somewhat confused at the same time, forcibly swallowing down a tiny butterfly that started to batter its wings against the walls of her stomach. _Don't be silly_, she told herself. _He probably doesn't want us to be seen or wants to discuss something about our situation which best isn't overheard in public._

A waiter in a very formal black suit expected them at the entrance of the mansion and guided them through the house to the old winter garden where a single table was laid out for them amidst the lush greenery. He politely seated Althea at the table, who was rather stunned and almost speechless in view of this setting.

Their table was set perfectly with white tablecloth, delicate china, heavy silver cutlery and sparkling crystal glasses. There were some low candles placed on the table, set in a low bouquet of flowers as to not obstruct their view at each other. The table was surrounded by the exotic flowers and trees of the winter garden and the glass front granted them a stunning view over the city and part of the bay. She had never seen anything like this. In fact this was probably the most romantic dinner she had ever been invited to and it had come from someone she would have least expected it. She felt confused, didn't know what to think or feel at all. To tell the truth, she did not _dare_ to think or feel too much. It could all just disappear in a single poof if she thought too much about it.

Again Althea had to swallow down the now rather insistent butterflies in her stomach. "This is a really beautiful location." She managed to say evenly. "I appreciate your going to so much trouble for us to have a quiet dinner."

Spock tilted his head slightly. "I am pleased you approve of this setting."

"It's stunning." she added giving him a soft smile. "I love it." Whatever the reasons for him bringing her here were, she was simply going to enjoy it. She had never been to a place like this and probably never would be again. Whatever would happen she should probably just live in the moment.

Spock allowed the corners of his mouth to move up for just the tiniest bit. "I chose a mixture of Vulcan and terran cuisine to be served. I hope you will approve of it."

"I'm sure you chose well." She redirected her gaze from him to her glass the waiter was currently filling with white wine. Then her eyes followed the moving reflections of the candle light in the pale golden liquid. The reflected light danced across the skin of her hand, as she took her glass. "The wine most certainly is part of the terran side of this meal." She returned her eyes to his face as she lifted her glass in recognition to him before taking a small sip of the wine.

Spock returned her gesture. "There is no Vulcan equivalent to terran wine. The production of alcoholic beverages is considered quite illogical on Vulcan."

She replaced her glass on the table. "But still you drink it. At least sometimes."

He inclined his head slightly. "You might call it an acquired habit and taste from living among humans for almost 23 years."

She lifted her eyebrows. "So you are drinking wine as a social concession to human culture."

"It is only logical to bend to such conventions as are not harmful or against my Vulcan culture." He carefully studied her face.

She tilted her head slightly watching him closely. "You need not adapt to this part of human culture and convention with me if you do not wish to."

"I appreciate your concern, but rest assured I would not drink any wine if I would not wish to do so." He quite determinedly took another sip from his glass.

Her eyes flashed in amusement. "I should have known better than to assume a Vulcan to bow to a social custom against his better judgment."

Spock's eyebrow went up into his hairline silently asking her for further elaboration.

"You are quite a stubborn people when it comes to logic." she obliged him.

He knew she was teasing him, a human quality he usually found somewhat irritating. However he did not object to Althea teasing him but strangely was even satisfied by her doing so. "I take this as a compliment." he replied most earnestly.

"If you will." She smiled in amusement.

"I most certainly will."

As the waiter started to serve their first course, Althea carefully took her white napkin and placed it in her lap. "As a Vulcan you might be quite at an advantage to be safe against being pressured into actions that are against your better judgment and logic."

"You believe there is only one course of action that can be perceived as logical?" Spock asked her.

She looked at him curiously. "Is there not? I always believed logic to be objective ideally. A mathematical truth."

"It is." he paused. "How would you define logic?" he then inquired of her.

Althea hesitated, weighting carefully what she was going to say. "Logic is a way of objectively weighting all possible courses of action and choosing the one course that will lead to the greatest benefit for all."

He tilted his head. "And how would you define _all_ and how would you measure the _greatest benefit_?"

Althea felt herself blush slightly. Of cause he was right. In theory it was simple, but in reality it was anything but. "You would have to be omnipotent and omniscient to be able to do this. And no one of us is."

"We can only strife to come as near to the ideal as is possible. But since no one of us is omnipotent and omniscient there will always be different perceptions as to what is the most logical course to pursue."

"So you are telling me, that there indeed is only one logical course of action, but no one of us will ever be able to truly know it. And therefore even a Vulcan might be persuaded by sufficient pressure, say a majority, to act against his own logic."

He bowed his head. "You are correct."

"So it is still a matter of subjective values every individual assigns to certain events." Althea quietly added.

"It is." he agreed, fixing his eyes on her.

She suddenly had the feeling there was more to this discussion than was obvious on the surface. Althea furrowed her brows and focused her attention on her plate. What was he aiming at? What was he trying to tell her? A cold feeling of dread suddenly settled in her stomach.

Spock perceived Althea's face suddenly turning a shade paler than before. "Althea, are you unwell?"

She lifted her head, looking directly at him. "There is more to this, is there not? This isn't only a simple discussion about the concepts of logic..." Her voice trailed of, her mind suddenly racing. Then her head snapped up and her eyes focused on him. "You are being pressured, your clan is pressuring you to take a suitable wife. Soran and I had to fend of calls from T'Pau's office all day. You are expected to follow the logic of their choice. Have you come to the conclusion their logic is sound?" Althea dared not to voice her fear he might have decided against her and instead bowed to his clan's wishes.

Spock's eyebrows shot up and disappeared into his hairline. How had she arrived at such a conclusion? "You know very well, my clan is pressuring me to be bonded. But you are wrong in assuming I have come to agree with my clan elders' definition of a _suitable wife_."

She paled even more. She had just made a complete fool of herself. Embarrassed she looked down on her plate.

"Althea?" His voice clearly asked her to look up again.

She cringed inwardly but forced herself to face him again. His eyes looked unwaveringly at her, steadily holding her gaze.

"My definition of a suitable wife in fact deviates a great deal from my clan's. You know they wish me to bond myself to a woman of one of the noble clans of Vulcan." He hesitated. This was not how he had planned for it to go. But he also saw no reason for delaying it any further, not with the turn their conversation had taken. "I fail to see the logic in the choices my clan has offered me. I find I prefer to be bonded to you. There is only one logical action for me to take. I wish to officially propose _koon-ut so'lik_ to you."

Althea stared at him speechless. He what? She felt her hands starting to shake and clasped them in her lap to prevent the shaking from becoming noticeable. His proposal had not exactly been expressed in a way she had dreamed a marriage proposal to her would have been phrased. But despite him talking only of logic she knew logic had nothing to do with it. She drew in her breath and hoped desperately her voice would not come out in an undignified squeak. And it did not. "I do accept your proposal of _koon-ut so'lik_." Her voice sounded clear and firm.

For a moment they continued to at each other across the table unable to grasp what they had just done. Then Spock slowly offered his right hand with his middle and index finger stretched out to her. Althea lifted her own hand looking at it for a second before carefully bending her ring and little finger and crossing her thumb over them. She closed her eyes for a second when she touched her finger tips to his, gasping as she felt their bond coming alive between them.

The _ozh'esta_, the finger embrace as it translated literally, could signify everything from a passing touch to a passionate kiss to a bonded couple. Althea had known this in theory, but she had never really understood the true meaning of it. Until now.

Spock watched the woman who was his wife blush violently as he conveyed to her everything he could not say out loud. And he knew she felt the same for him.

"I cherish thee, Althea." he said.

She smiled at him. "I love you."

They left their hands touching for another moment before they let them drop again. Althea still could feel his warm touch against her cool skin and his eyes still held hers firm and unwaveringly. Her lips parted slightly as his gaze bore into her. She could already feel it. Something had changed. Their bond had changed. It glowed more vibrantly and warm between them, almost demanding her attention. She closed her eyes, feeling herself swirling out of focus. A warm, glowing spider web reached out for her, wrapped itself around her and drew her into its firm embrace. And she felt herself stretching out with myriads of fine luminous tendrils of her own, searching for the entity that was Spock and entwining herself with him.

Althea gasped inaudibly as her eyes flew open again. She felt herself instantly drowning in his gaze. His eyes suddenly held an unfathomable depth to her. They were true windows to his soul. And she knew her eyes were as open to him.

_People who believe Vulcans to be cold and emotionless have no idea_, she thought. _Oh, even I had no idea, even though I always thought I knew better. But I truly had no idea at all._

She _felt _him smile at her. And openly returned his smile.

"Are you well, _adun'a_?" he asked her.

She blushed at him using the Vulcan term for wife in addressing her. "I'm fine. Just somewhat emotionally rattled, I guess." She looked at the now cold food on her plate. "What will happen now?"

He cocked his head. "Tomorrow morning I will inform my parents about your acceptance of my proposal of _koon-ut so'lik_. Afterwards we will inform T'Pau about the events and wait for her answer to them."

"How will they react?" Althea asked. "I mean your parents. I know T'Pau will not be pleased at all."

"I have already told my parents that I planned to propose _koon-ut so'lik_ to a human woman tonight. They assured me of their support in my choice of wife."

Althea felt relieved. Somehow she had feared going against Amanda and Sarek as well as T'Pau. But then she very much doubted that at least Amanda would have opposed her son marrying a human woman. "But you didn't tell them it was me you were going to propose to, did you?"

"I did not. I intended to protect you in case you refused me."

Refuse him? She could have never refused him. She felt the sudden urge to touch him, to reassure him she could have never done that. "Will you tell them of the true state of affairs between us? Or how shall we explain how it happened. It all seams so very fast."

"Do you want to tell them what happened?" Spock asked her.

The thought of explaining to Sarek and Amanda what had passed between Spock and her all those years ago on Vulcan made her blush violently. She shook her head. "I'd rather not. Couldn't we just let everyone think we were not yet bonded? If we just don't mention it, everyone will just assume we are not."

He inclined his head. "We met briefly five years ago on Vulcan and I recognized you when we met on earth again."

She nodded. "That's when we became closer. Not a lie, just not the whole story either." She sighted. "I'm already nervous."

"There is no need for you to be nervous. My parents most certainly will approve of you. They both hold you in their highest esteem."

"As an employee. Not as their daughter-in-law. But I hope you will be right."

He lifted an eyebrow but decided not to press matters further. He knew from experience there was nothing he could do about human nervousness. "What will you tell your parents?" he instead chose to ask.

Althea's reaction surprised him as she became strangely still. "My mother died four years ago and since my father blames me for her death he has not spoken to me ever since. I will write to him of course, but I wouldn't expect an answer from him."

Spock looked at her intently. He could feel her pain radiating through their bond, but it was a dull kind of pain buried underneath a layer of resignation. "What happened that your father holds you responsible for your mother's death?"

Althea sighted, closing her eyes for a second. "When I left Vulcan I felt horrible. I felt like a failure. I had gone against the wishes of my parents in pursuing a career in Vulcanology instead of medicine as they had or at least any other kind of natural science. I felt humiliated and simply couldn't admit my failure to them. So to them I disappeared. It took me a year to find the courage to contact them and tell them what had happened to me, where I was and what I was doing.

"They were so relieved to know I was well, that they booked passage on the first passenger transporter they could find to come and visit me. My father, my mother and my little sister, they all wanted to come. But then my sister got ill, so my father decided to stay with her on earth and only my mother boarded the starliner. She was on the Andromeda, the starliner that was destroyed by an ion storm four years ago. You must have heard about it. It was all over the media. There were no survivors.

"My father was devastated and in his pain he accused me of causing my mothers death. If I hadn't disappeared for a year, she would never have been on that doomed starliner." Althea tried to smile. "It hurt terribly at first, but I have gotten used to it. There is nothing I can do. I really tried." She paused. "I will call my sister though. She is only sixteen, but she most certainly will be thrilled. She is fascinated by all the stories I tell her about alien cultures and she dreams about joining Starfleet to explore the galaxy after finishing school. I think she will love you just for being Vulcan and a Starfleet Commander." Althea suddenly smiled, but the smile did not succeed in really reaching her eyes.

Spock lifted one of his eyebrows. "These are hardly valid criteria to base personal esteem on."

Althea's smile deepened. "She is a human teenager. In some respects they are everything but logical." Then Althea became more sober again. "She loves science, especially astrophysics. And she really is quite brilliant in mathematics and physics. To her a Vulcan Starfleet Commander and Science Officer is a symbol of everything she wants to be. So if you'll meet her she will probably pester you to death with questions about astrophysics and Starfleet."

"I do not see how your sister will be able to cause my death by asking questions." He instantly felt her amusement to his statement radiating through their bond.

Althea tilted her head and scrutinized Spock. She suddenly knew exactly what he was doing. "I know you understood perfectly well what I was saying." She gave him a warm smile. He had taken her literarily to make her laugh and cheer her up. "Thank you."

He looked at her unmoving, but she saw amusement sparkling in his eyes. "I see no reason that warrants you thanking me."

She returned his gaze. "But I do."

For the second time that evening he offered her his hand in the _ozh'esta_ and she gladly accepted it. His warmth quickly enveloped her again and her joy and exhilaration about being with him soon made her forget her pain. Or at least let it retreat to the quiet part of herself where it had resided for the past years.

"Spock, would you mind if we did not finish dinner? I would rather _we_ go home." Althea suddenly wanted to be alone with him. She needed to be alone with him.

He inclined his head. "As you wish." He understood her perfectly well.

Without further ado he got up from the table, politely helping her with her chair and retrieving her shawl for her. He only briefly and quite accidentally touched her neck as he put the shawl around her shoulders but it felt to her as if his hand had burned her.

They did not talk much on their way back to her apartment. He concentrated on steering the flitter safely through the late evening traffic and she couldn't think of anything else than his brief touch. She felt suddenly completely dizzy when they made their way up to her apartment. His presence behind her almost burnt her back while climbing the stairs.

As soon as the door closed behind them they turned to each other. They hadn't dared to search each others eyes while making their way from their dinner to her home, but now their eyes bore into each other.

"What is happening to us?" Althea whispered.

"The bond is reasserting itself to its full extend." Spock's voice had lost his level tone as he drew nearer to her.

She drew a deep breath suddenly aware of his smell so near her. "I see." Her voice was barely audible now. She closed her eyes and leaned back against the door, her head spinning from an unparalleled onslaught of emotions.

She heard him come another step closer to her, then she felt him place his right hand on the door just millimeters away from her head. She knew his body must be hovering only inches away from her own, but she did not open her eyes. Instead she waited, as he placed his right hand on the other side of her head. She waited as she felt him again draw nearer, as she felt his breath graze her neck and then her cheek. She waited until she knew his lips were barely separated from hers and with only a slight movement of her head she closed this last space between them.

For a second their lips only touched. She could almost hear his heart beating against his ribs, could feel her own pulse quickening before they deepened their kiss. He pressed his body into hers and she drew her hands up placing them around his back. Everything would change. Everything already had changed. She had no idea where her life would go from here on but she did not care.

Spock felt her body melting into him, felt her mind opening to him as it had done all those years ago back on Vulcan. No reservations, no mistrust, no holding back. Althea lived the moment to the fullest trusting him with every fiber of her heart. And he trusted her. There was nothing he needed to keep from her.

They had no recollection of how they made it into her bedroom or when and where they got rid of their clothes. Everything was a blur of desire and passion, of sharing their minds and their bodies. There was no logic or reason to it. There was only their primordial need for each other. There were no rational memories of what happened to them, there were only memories of sensations.

Rational thoughts only returned to them when they lay spent and entwined on her bed. She closed her eyes, relaxing completely against him, as he carefully brushed her tangled hair out of her face.

"Althea?"

"Mhmm?"

"Are you well?"

She opened her eyes and looked at him with a smile spreading over her face. "I am _very_ well. Can't you feel it?"

He rested his hand against her face. "I can feel it now, _ashal-veh_."

She closed her eyes again, snuggling in closer to him. "As can I."

Spock angled for her blanket, placing it over them. Soon they would be cold when the heat of their exertion had dissipated.

"I could stay like this forever." she whispered into his breast.

"That is an illogical wish." he answered softly. "It is impossible."

"I know that. Still, I want to preserve this moment. It is just one of these rare, almost prefect moments, which should go on forever." She looked up at him again. "However, if this moment would go on forever, it wouldn't be so special any more."

He quirked an eyebrow at her which made her laugh. Then she simply kissed him again. "Never mind my rambling."

He returned her kiss and she closed her eyes again. She was tired and the warmth of his body made her even sleepier. He draped an arm around her, resting his chin on her head. He could feel her drifting of to sleep and let himself follow her. Everything else could wait till the morning.


	12. Chapter 12

**AN: I'm sorry it took me so long to update. But real life is very busy right now and has been so for a while. I hope you won't give up on my story, because I'm a slow writer. I appreciate every one of you who takes the time to read, comment and/or follow my story.**

* * *

**Wednesday, 25th September 2272**

**Consequences**

Amanda watched her husband and wondered how he could remain so calm. He looked no more or less composed than any other given day, while Amanda herself barely was able to eat anything. She had forced down a few bites of her breakfast but now only pushed her food from one side of her plate to the other. Spock's empty place glaringly reminded her of what might or might not have transpired. Was it a good sign he had not returned for the night? Or was it just the opposite and he was sitting somewhere trying to meditate a rejection away.

For maybe the thousands time Amanda wondered who this woman was her son intended to bond with. But even more important was to her, if this woman was strong enough to face everything that was laying ahead of her if she accepted Spock. She simply could not and would not want to imagine what would happen, if she was not. He might be left without a mate when his Time arrived. Still, the save alternative, to see her son trapped in a highly appropriate but loveless marriage, was even less appealing to her. She could only imagine what going through _pon farr_ without an emotional connection to ones mate must be like. She had only ever gained vague glimpses on Sarek's Time with T'Rea and without emotion as a save haven to retreat to there was nothing left than the brutality of the act itself.

"My wife, you appear to be troubled." Sarek interrupted Amanda's train of thoughts.

Amanda gave up picking at her food and carefully placed her fork back on the table besides her plate. "You are right, I am troubled. I was just wondering what news Spock will have for us."

"There is no use in troubling yourself. We will know in time." Sarek quietly responded.

"I know, we will. But that's not all that is troubling me. You know very well what they will be facing if this woman is going to accept Spock." She added.

Sarek raised an eyebrow at his wife. "You fear Spock's choice for a bondmate might not be able to withstand the opposition she will be encountering from T'Pau and our clan."

"Yes, I do. You know how ruthless T'Pau and the elders can be." She sighted. T'Pau needed a female heir for her position and since her only descendants were male it was the only unbonded male's responsibility to bond with an appropriate candidate. There was no time to wait for a daughter Spock might or might not have. Besides, a predominantly human heir would never be accepted by the conservative factions of the clan.

"They are not ruthless, they are simply following a path, that is logical to them and which in their opinion is in the best interest of the clan." Sarek countered.

Amanda rolled her eyes. "They are willing to sacrificing Spock for the clan. Of course it is all very logical as long as you don't facture in emotions. And even if they would factor in his emotional well-being, they would probably justify their actions by the fact that the good of the many outweighs the good of the few or the one."

Sarek now clearly felt his wife's distress. "Amanda, we have to trust that Spock chose wisely. And we have to trust that our support of Spock and his chosen wife will be of assistance to them. There is no use to worry about events that have yet to take place. We will address them when they are upon us."

Amanda sank back in her chair. She knew Sarek was right. Spock had chosen a human wife and they had chosen to assist their son in going against T'Pau's will with his choice of bondmate. There was nothing else that could be done at the moment. They had to wait. And to hope for the best. Still she couldn't stop from worrying.

* * *

Spock watched Althea across her small kitchen table as she absentmindedly stirred her porridge. She had barely eaten anything at all but instead looked thoughtfully at the content of her bowl. He lifted an eyebrow and pointedly looked at her bowl.

She answered his look with an apologetic smile. "I really don't feel hungry today." She dropped her spoon in her bowl and instead took a sip of her tea, cradling the hot mug between her hands.

Spock tilted his head. "Are you feeling unwell?" He felt a certain sense of trepidation and uneasiness filtering through their bond. Was she suddenly regretting what had happened between them?

Althea shook her head. "No, I'm just nervous. But I will be fine." She hesitated, then put her mug back on the table. "Spock, I know T'Pau will be displeased with your choosing me, because she wishes you to bond with a woman from one of the other influential Vulcan clans. But why is this so important to her? Is it truly only for the sake of preserving Surak's bloodline? Or is there more to it? I mean, technically speaking, if you bond with any Vulcan woman without a connection to Surak's bloodline herself, the bloodline will be as diluted as it will be with your bond to me."

Spock knew Althea was right to ask him this, as much as he irrationally wished he would not have to tell her what he was about to say. She needed to know what possibly lay ahead of them. She needed to understand the underlying mechanisms and structures. "How much do you know of the internal structures of a Vulcan clan and its function in society?" Spock asked her. "You need to understand them to understand T'Pau's position."

Althea propped her head on her hands and looked at Spock thoughtful. "As I understand it Vulcan clans are an integral part of Vulcan society. Every Vulcan is a member of a clan. They originated in ancient times when Vulcans were still a nomadic people. The family groups that were wandering together later formed clans with ultimately more powerful clans ruling over vast territories and smaller, less powerful clans. The most powerful clans increasingly set themselves off of those they ruled over and formed a type of ruling class. They started to call themselves _noble_ clans and held the majority of the planet's wealth in their hands. Only during the _Time of Awakening_ did this feudalistic structure of Vulcan society change. A political system that was based on hereditary power transfers was deemed illogical. So, the system was gradually changed into a representative democracy where advancement was based on meritocratic principles. However, as the noble clans retained their economic power, traditionally had access to the best educational institutions, could draw from a vast experience in administration and governance and generally were well connected, they continued to represent the majority of those in influential and ruling positions. It's nothing Vulcans advertise but if you work closely with Vulcans you sooner or later become aware of the fact that those in power very often come from certain clans. And if you start to familiarize yourself with Vulcan history you will realize that these clans are often those that were already powerful before the _Time of Awakening_. In theory it is possible for everyone to rise in power and some do, but it is much easier if you come form one of the old noble clans as the _S'chn T'gai_." She paused and looked at Spock for confirmation.

He nodded. "You are right. Please go on."

Althea wondered what he was getting at. She felt a little bit like a student taking an oral exam. But she only obliged Spock and continued her outline of her knowledge. "I would compare a clan in itself to a kind of political microcosm. Clans are traditionally headed by a matriarch, the eldest mother, who in ancient times literally was the eldest mother of a clan. The eldest mother presides over a more or less large council of elders. Together they decide upon the politics and economy of a clan." She paused. "This is where it becomes really hazy for me. As I understand it, every member of a clan is expected to obey their clan elders. Personal ambitions and wishes are less important than the clan. I guess this can be quite rigid. Or not. It depends on the clan, the current situation of the clan, the eldest mother..." Althea trailed of. "In general, the older and more powerful a clan is, the more traditional it is. And your clan is very old and very powerful." Althea felt a sudden fear crawling up her spine. "You are a member of one of the most powerful if not the most powerful clan of Vulcan; you are a direct descendant of Surak. Spock, where _exactly_ in the hierarchy of the _S'chn T'gai_ clan do you stand?"

"T'Pau is my great-grandmother. She had only one son, Skon, who in turn had two sons, my father Sarek and my uncle Silek. Silek died without issue." Spock started to explain. "After my father, I am T'Pau's heir. Since both Sarek and I are male we cannot succeed T'Pau in her position as eldest mother. Usually, in such a case, the males in question are bonded to a suitable female of the eldest mother's choosing, so that the bondmate of the male may become eldest mother. My father's first bondmate died and he chose mother for his second bondmate against T'Pau's will. She only accepted mother as my father's bondmate, because she wanted to avoid the scandal her refusal of accepting my mother in the clan would have caused in the Federation. My father was already to prominent a person to risk the ensuing damage to Vulcans image and reputation."

Althea bit down on her lower lip. She suddenly felt very, very sick. She could see exactly where this was heading.

"As my parents had no daughter, T'Pau and the elders carefully selected a bondmate for me." Spock continued. "It was she who now would be destined to become eldest mother of the _S'chn T'gai_ clan. Even though T'Pau had come to respect and value my mother, she still could not become eldest mother. A human as head of the house would not be accepted by many in- and outside of the clan. T'Pau's _personal_ opinion is of no consequence in this matter. My mother's becoming eldest mother would weaken the clan's position, regardless of my mother's abilities. Besides, it is not certain my mother will outlive T'Pau.

"T'Pring was very carefully educated to be prepared for her role but when she refused the bonding, T'Pau again had no successor. She now needed to find an unbonded, grown woman with an appropriate education to bond with me." Spock stopped in his explanation as he saw Althea fervently holding on to her mug, grabbing it so tightly that her knuckles stood out white against her skin.

"T'Pau is never going to accept me." Althea stated matter-of-factly. "If your mother cannot become eldest mother, so neither can I. And if we should ever have a daughter, in addition to probably being too young to be groomed into eldest mother of the _S'chn T'gai_ clan in time, she will also be predominantly human, which again will make her an inappropriate choice for eldest mother."

Spock nodded. "You are correct. T'Pau's line will end with her."

"Unless you bond with a Vulcan woman." Althea interjected very calmly.

"I will not do so. I chose you." His voice allowed for no doubt as to his determination.

Althea managed a smile, despite the state of shock she was in. She could feel he was serious about this. "What will happen to you if you insist on bonding with me? And what about your parents? What will they do?"

"My parents know I would be proposing _koon-ut so'lik_ to a human woman. They accepted my choice. My mother never was in favour of an arranged bonding and my father started to doubt the logic in this practice as well since my betrothal to T'Pring who was a very logical choice very nearly resulted in disaster. They will both support us." Spock assured her. "If I refuse T'Pau in her choice of bondmate for me, I may loose my position as her heir. But this will be of little consequence to my current life. I have not yet claimed any of my clan rights and I did not build my life and career on my position within the _S'chn T'gai_ clan."

Althea had difficulties to wrap her mind around everything Spock had just told her. "But hasn't a bonding to be sanctioned by a clan's eldest mother to become legal? So, if T'Pau does not sanction our bonding, where does this leave us? I do not have an eldest mother to sanction our bonding."

"In case of a Vulcan bonding with a non-Vulcan, a marriage according to the non-Vulcans customs is legally equivalent to a sanction by the eldest mother. However, as the male in such cases leaves his own clan and becomes a member of the female's clan, I will be no longer part of the _S'chn T'gai_."

"But this will effectively render you a total outsider in Vulcan society!" Althea exclaimed. She grabbed her mug even harder.

Spock watched Altheas hands with a certain amount of concern. "As I stated before, my position in our clan is of no consequence to me. I never intended to claim it." He wished to reassure her that there was no need for her to be distressed on his account.

"I don't know what to say." Althea helplessly shook her head. "I probably should have known all this, but I had no idea." She looked with huge eyes at him. Why hadn't she known any of this after two years working at the Vulcan embassy with his mother?

"Such things are not discussed outside a clan. Eldest mothers of other clans and those on Vulcan, who closely follow clan politics may know of it, but an outsider of Vulcan society would never have access to this particular information." he explained to her.

"Spock, are you really sure you want to do this?" Althea simply had to ask. She would let him go if he asked her now, even though it would break her heart. But she simply had to give him this last way out. "There is still time to call it of. You need not feel obliged to... to sacrifice your life on Vulcan on my account."

His eyes suddenly bore into her. She was _his_ mate. He would _not_ let her go! "I proposed _koon-ut so'lik_ to you with the full knowledge of the possible consequences. I will _not _retract my proposal. Do you wish to withdraw?"

"No!" Her answer was out before she even had time to think about it. "Never." She added in a whisper.

His eyes became softer again. "Then we will simply have to see what T'Pau's reaction will be."

Althea only nodded. What other choice did they have?

For a moment they simply looked at each other. Then Spock raised his hand offering the _ozh'esta_ to her. Althea accepted it without hesitation. She loved him too much. She would never stand down. She would never, _could_ never let him go. And neither could he.

Fifteen minutes later they left her apartment and they briefly touched their fingers again before she went to catch the shuttle bus she usually took to work and he went to retrieve his flitter. They had decided against arriving at the embassy together. He would stop to change his clothes before meeting with his parents and she would simply go to work and wait there.

Althea felt her heart sink as she left the shuttle bus at her usual stop and walked the short distance to the Vulcan embassy. Only thinking what was about to unfold made her feel somewhat faint. But then she squared her shoulders. She had done nothing wrong. No one had done anything wrong. The situation was no ones fault.

Still she dreaded the next few minutes. She most likely had to face Amanda without being able to tell her anything that had transpired. It was not her place to tell Spock's parents. This was something he had to do. But she could at least hope that Spock had been fast enough and that Amanda had already left her office when she arrived.

Althea quietly entered her office and took her usual place behind her desk. After taking a quick look at her com terminal and her computer, she knocked at Amanda's door. _Don't be there_, she silently hoped.

But her prayers were not answered. "Come." Amanda's voice sounded from the other side of the door.

Althea only stuck her head through the door. "I'm here now. Is there anything special I should take care of today?" She was almost surprised how normal and composed she sounded.

Amanda obviously was already on the go. "Something came up. I won't be here this morning. If anybody calls, tell them I will return their call as soon as possible. If T'Linyth or T'Pau calls, tell them the latest after midday meal."

Althea nodded, praying inwardly to all the gods in the universe that neither T'Linyth nor T'Pau would call. "Anything else?"

"No, nothing else. I will see you after lunch." With this Amanda was already out of her door, leaving Althea alone.

Althea sat down heavily in front of her desk. There was nothing else for her left to do than to wait. She felt her hands growing cold. She hated to wait.

* * *

Soran was reminded of the terran term of _déjà-vu_ when _S'Haile_ Spock arrived again at his fathers office this morning. With the same nod he had given him yesterday he motioned Spock to enter _Osu_ Sarek's office.

Spock returned Soran's nonverbal greeting and proceeded through the door.

Only seconds later _T'Sai_ Amanda appeared in Soran's office. "Spock called me to meet him and Sarek here."

Soran nodded. "_S'Haile_ Spock is already here. Just go through, _T'Sai_."

"Thank you, Soran." Amanda gave him a smile and entered her husband's office.

Soran cocked his head and looked at the now again closed office door. He had to admit he was curious about what was happening behind this door. The probability was high it stood in direct connection with the search for a new bondmate for _S'Haile_ Spock. But it was also quite obvious that not everything went according to plan. Soran only wondered, whose plan was about to be thwarted, T'Pau's or Spock's.

* * *

"Spock." Sarek greeted his son as he entered his office.

"Father." Spock inclined his head. "I already contacted mother to join us here. She should be here any minute."

As if on cue Amanda entered. "Spock, we missed you at morning meal."

"I apologize, mother, but I just returned to the embassy 45 minutes ago." He did not yet offer an explanation as to why.

"You did?" Amanda intently looked at her son, here eyes vividly asking the question she did not dare to voice.

"I gather you have information as to your marital status for us." Sarek continued.

Spock bowed slightly to his parents. "I have. My proposal of _koon-ut so'lik_ was accepted."

Amanda saw a very distinctive light flash across her son's eyes and only barely suppressed a very undignified squeal. For a moment she could forget everything else and a wide smile spread on her face. "I'm so happy for you, Spock." But almost as fast as she had smiled she became serous again.

"I too am gratified you were successful." Sarek added. "Who is your intended wife?"

Spock nodded once in acknowledgement to his parent's congratulations. Then he folded his hands behind his back, standing very erect. "You already know her." he began.

Amanda immediately furrowed her brows and Sarek raised an eyebrow, waiting for Spock to continue. Someone from _Enterprise_'s crew perhaps?

"I proposed _koon-ut so'lik_ to Althea Parker." Spock continued.

Sarek's eyebrow disappeared in his hair line and Amanda's eyes grew large in astonishment.

"I never even knew you two knew each other or had talked more than in passing." Amanda blurted out.

"We met very briefly on Vulcan five years ago at the VSA. I recognized her at the reception, even though she did not remember me at first. We talked and met for dinner shortly afterwards. Matters progressed from there." He told no untruth, simply left out some of the facts.

"Ms. Parker is an intelligent, well educated woman." Sarek stated. "You chose well." Althea Parker was indeed a good choice. She was well versed in Vulcan culture and customs. She would not have accepted Spock lightly.

Amanda's facial expression was caught somewhere between utter astonishment and joy. She still couldn't believe she hadn't seen anything. But she suddenly felt a tremendous relieve flooding through her that Spock had proposed to Althea. She knew more about what she was getting into than most others would have and Amanda was sure she would never have accepted Spock if she did not love him. "I'm so glad for you two."

"Spock, does she know what you and she might be facing when you announce your intention to our clan elders?" Sarek inquired of his son.

"Yes, she does know T'Pau will not be pleased with my choice and most likely will not accept her into the clan."

"But does she know of the consequences for herself and for you if she is not accepted into the _S'chn T'gai_ clan? She is very versed in Vulcan culture, but I'm not sure she fully understands all implications of such an event." Amanda added.

"She knows she will have to face prejudice and rejection and that she very likely will not be accepted into Vulcan society. She also knows of the consequences this very well may have on my own status. But I do not doubt she possesses the strength and determination needed to face every possible outcome of this matter." Spock knew she was determined and would not falter. And neither would he.

"Very well. I will asked Soran to notify Ms. Parker to join us her. We need to discuss this situation before we notify T'Pau of the events." Without hesitation Sarek turned to his com system to give the appropriate commands.

* * *

Althea jumped when her com system signalled an incoming call. _Oh please don't let it be T'Pau!_ she thought but then recognized Soran's caller ID.

"Soran." she answered his call and immediately recognized a somewhat curious expression on Soran's face.

"Althea, _Osu_ Sarek wishes you to join him, _T'Sai_ Amanda and _S'Haile_ Spock in his office."

Althea nodded at the screen. "I will be there in a minute." With this she cut the connection. There it was now, he had told them. If only she knew what to expect. She tried to draw information from her bond to Spock but she was too nervous to get anything from him. With a sight she got up from her desk, straightened her trousers, blouse and hair. There was no use in delaying anything.

She forced herself to walk at a normal pace. It would not do for people seeing her running through the embassy.

Soran only nodded at her as she arrived at his office and motioned her to go right through. She only hesitated imperceptibly - at least she hoped it was imperceptible - before she entered Sarek's office with her back straight and her head held high in determination.

Althea stopped right inside Sarek's office as she found herself face to face with Sarek, Amanda and Spock and felt suddenly all eyes trained on her. She felt decidedly awkward, but she somehow managed to remain outwardly composed. If she could not face his parents, who most likely approved of her, how should she ever manage to face T'Pau with dignity?

With a few measured steps Spock came to her side, offering the _ozh'esta_ to her. She couldn't help blushing at this gesture, but she accepted it and lightly touched her fingers to his.

Spock returned his attention to his parents. "Father, mother, may I present to you she who is to be my wife." he announced in Traditional Golic Vulcan.

To Althea's utter amazement both Sarek and Amanda bowed formally to her. "We are gratified to welcome you in our family." Sarek said to her.

"We welcome you as a daughter to our house." Amanda added.

Althea wasn't sure if she was supposed to do something specific. So she decided to simply return the formal bow. "I am most honoured by your acceptance." she replied in Traditional Golic Vulcan as well. If her answer was not the right one, no one let it show.

Then Amanda gave Althea a wide smile. "This was quite a surprise!"

Althea blushed slightly. "I'm sorry."

Amanda only shook her head. "Don't be. It wasn't an unpleasant surprise."

Althea nodded smiling slightly. She suddenly felt part of her inner tension falling from her. As convinced as Spock had been of his parent's support, she still had harboured some hidden doubts about Sarek's and Amanda's reaction to Spock's announcement. But she suddenly knew that her doubts had been groundless.

"Spock told us he informed you about the consequences his bond to you might have on his position within the _S'chn T'gai_ clan and Vulcan society." Sarek stated his gaze focused on Althea.

She inclined her head. "He did."

"Are you prepared to face the consequences with him?" Sarek continued his eyes never leaving Althea's.

She returned his gaze. "I am."

Sarek nodded once, then turned to his son. "We will inform T'Pau of your impending bond."

"Very well." Spock followed his father around Sarek's desk to the communication panel.

Amanda beckoned to Althea. "We might as well have a cup of tea in my office. I don't think we need to witness this. And I'm sure Sarek and Spock will inform us of the result of this conversation as soon as it is over." She gave husband and son a pointed look.

Althea saw no reason to protest and silently followed Amanda out of the room. She had no desire to hear Sarek's and Spock's conversation with T'Pau which she suspected would be rather unpleasant with regard to her.

Soran raised an eyebrow of curiosity at her as they passed his desk, but she only nodded to him once and gave an almost imperceptible shrug of apology to him. She couldn't talk to him now. _Later_, she mouthed as Sarek called Soran to get him a connection to T'Pau.

Both women returned silently to Amanda's office. "Just sit down. I will make the tea." Amanda motioned for Althea to take place in one of the chairs.

Althea shook her head. "Let me do it. I feel... nervous and making tea at least occupies my hands."

Amanda nodded and handed the kettle over to Althea. "I can still remember how nervous I was when Sarek spoke to T'Pau about our bonding."

Althea filled the kettle with water. "I know, there is no... _logical_ reason for me to be nervous. I know Spock won't give me up, even if T'Pau demands it of him. And I know the probability that T'Pau will not sanction our bonding is very high, almost certain. But..." She tuned back to Amanda with the now full kettle in her hands. "But I regret the trouble and problems this will undoubtedly cause for everyone. And I still hope against all reason that T'Pau still might accept our bond."

"Do you regret having accepted Spock?" Amanda asked.

Althea shook her head. "No, not for a moment. But I regret that I might most likely cost him his family."

"You won't cost him his family. His clan most likely, but not his family." Amanda emphasized.

Althea didn't know what to say so she focused her attention on the kettle which she deliberately put on the heating pad. She felt her heart tightening and she didn't know if she should laugh or cry. "But things will change for all of you." she finally managed.

"You are right." Amanda suddenly closed the space between Althea and herself. "You do love him?" Her voice was intense.

Althea's lips parted slightly and she exhaled slowly. "I do. Very much."

Amanda nodded. "Two day ago I envisioned my son trapped in a loveless marriage. Highly appropriate. But cold and sterile. Now he might loose his clan rights, but he will have a wife he loves and who loves him in return. To me, this is far more important than anything T'Pau might do." Amanda's tone of voice left no room for doubt of her sincerity.

Althea felt herself blush. Her hands shook slightly and she suddenly felt very self-conscious. Without an idea what else to do she returned her attention to fixing their tea.

* * *

Spock and Sarek motionlessly waited for the connection to T'Pau's office. Both father and son stood erect, their hands clasped behind their backs.

When the screen switched from Vulcan's planetary logo to show T'Pau's face they both inclined their heads towards the woman on the screen.

"Sarek, Spock." T'Pau greeted them. "I expected your call. I have news from T'Pina from the _S'gar T'kar_. T'Lara is agreeable to bond with you, Spock. If you agree, I will arrange for a bonding ceremony at your earliest convenience."

Spock's posture became even more erect. "Eldest Mother, I am most grateful for your efforts in securing a bondmate for me. However, I am not agreeable to bond with T'Lara."

T'Pau raised an eyebrow. "Explain."

"I have already found another who is willing to bond with me. She has accepted my proposal of _koon-ut so'lik_." Spock said calmly.

T'Pau's eyebrow remained raised. "Who is the woman you intend to bond with."

"Her name is Althea Parker." Spock replied.

"Your mother's personal assistant." T'Pau supplied. "A human woman."

"Yes." he simply stated his gaze unfaltering.

"You are aware of the importance of your choice of bondmate. Yet, you choose to ignore it. Your choice is illogical. You should reconsider." T'Pau's voice sounded flat.

"I have chosen carefully. I will not retract my offer of _koon-ut so'lik_ to Althea Parker."

T'Pau tilted her head. "The only logical choice as your bondmate is a Vulcan woman. This Ms. Parker will not be able to fill the position she will have to fill as your wife."

Spock blinked slowly. "Althea may not be suited to succeed you as Eldest Mother of our clan. Still, she is the logical choice."

"Your logic is flawed. You know the consequences of your choosing a human wife and still you insist on it being the logical choice."

"T'Rea was the logical choice for my father; still the bond did not last. T'Pring was the logical choice for me, but she refused to complete our bond. Father choose mother as his bondmate, a choice you deemed illogical. Still, their bond is strong and prevails. My bond with Althea will be as strong and lasting. She might not be the logical choice with regard to clan politics, but she is the logical choice with regard to ensuring a strong and fulfilling bond."

T'Pau's eyes bored into Spock. He did not flinch, but held her gaze steadily. Then T'Pau turned to Sarek. "What is your opinion in this matter?"

"I concur with Spock's assessment of the situation. I support his decision of bondmate." Sarek stated simply.

T'Pau nodded. "I see. T'Linyth will contact you. I require information on Althea Parker so I can present her to the council of elders. They will decide on Ms. Parker's acceptance into our clan. However, be prepared for a rejection. I trust I need not explain the consequences of a bond to her without the clan's approval."

"I am aware of the consequences." Spock replied.

"So am I." Sarek added.

"Very well. _Dif-tor heh smusma_, Spock, Sarek." T'Pau inclined her head.

"_Sochya eh dif_." Both Spock and Sarek replied, then the screen went blank before them.

Sarek turned to Spock. "You should prepare Ms. Parker for T'Pau's assessment of her person. T'Pau might very well contact her to talk to her about your intend to bond with her. She contacted your mother after I had proposed _koon-ut so'lik_ to her."

"I will prepare her. However I have no doubt she will be able to contend with T'Pau." Spock saw a slight twitch of one corner of his father's mouth.

"Your mother also proved very adept at dealing with T'Pau. Nevertheless, even if T'Pau herself should agree with Ms. Parker as a person, she most likely will not be able to bring the clan to accept her as your wife. You should prepare for this eventuality."

Spock nodded. "I am prepared."


End file.
